Building your Singles Ministry/Single Parenting by Other Authors

Why You Should Join a Single Father Support Group​ by Matt Haviland
(Republished by permission from All-Pro-Dad)

hands




 
If a single dad I know named Jon didn’t have a single father support group, “I wouldn’t have a place to go,” he said. In 1960, approximately 300,000 single fathers lived in the United States. Today, there are more than 2.6 million. Personally, I consider a single father to be any man who has full or primary custody of his children, is a non-custodial parent, or has children but is currently unable to see them. With this many families in need of community, it is vital to keep establishing single father support groups across the nation.

I became a single dad in 2006 and quickly realized just how few resources were out there for guys like me. So in 2008, I formed a small group out of my living room. Eventually, it grew into a national organization. What I know about single father groups is based on a decade’s worth of my personal experiences leading one. Here’s why you need to be part of a single father group.

They are a refuge.
Several years back, I surveyed our attendees at a single-parent conference. I asked both single moms and single dads what their greatest need is. The options included both tangible and intangible needs. Want to take a guess at what topped the list? It was not financial stability, stable housing, or reliable transportation. The number two answer was a strong and stable community. Number one? Emotional support. A single father support group can provide both of these. In doing so, the dads are able to do life with others in similar situations. A good group leader can help cultivate emotional support. And though they may feel alone, single dads discover they are not—and that brings a lot of hope.

They help you form new friendships.
About half the guys in our group were divorced and the other half had never been married. One gentleman was a widower. The common bond was all our lives had changed. As our group grew and morphed over the years, many of us built bonds that have lasted. The guys started hanging out with each other outside of group time. For many, they were coming from a couple’s world and now found themselves the odd man out among their married friends. Others had friends who were still single but did not have any kids. Those friends had schedules that allowed them more freedom in a way that was not compatible with that of a single parent. These small groups are so important because forming new friendships in a time of crisis can really help someone get through it.

They meet needs specific to single dads.
Single father groups meet unique needs. They help when you’re dealing with divorce, custody struggles, co-parenting, child support, or other financial challenges. A general men’s group may touch on topics that are applicable to all fathers, but not on topics unique to a single dad. We live in such a hurried and busy world; something is always demanding our time. For a single dad, the pressure to perform and complete tasks can be elevated all the more. A single father support group carves out regular and designated time when those who attend can talk through what’s affecting them most. A simple lesson or conversation can be a massive relief. A single father group may not be therapy, but it can be therapeutic.

Other Suggestions:
Can’t find a single father group? Then start one! I suggest a leader or co-leaders who are in a strong and healthy place mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. This is important because guys who join the group may carry in a lot of baggage like addictions, emotional turmoil, and bitterness. Know what resources are available in your area and use those to refer out when appropriate. Lastly, hold to three foundational principles for the overall health of your group: Meet regularly, respect confidentiality, and never slam the moms. Even with all the challenges that may ensue, be assured that being in a single father group is one of the most rewarding opportunities. Read More
Picture
Matt Haviland is the author of A Father's Walk: A Christian-Based Resource for Single Fathers and the co-author of The Daddy Gap. He is the Men's Center director for an organization that serves men and women affected by unplanned pregnancy. He lives in his hometown of Grand Rapids, MI with his wife and daughter. In his free time, Matt enjoys family time, reading, golfing, and almost all outdoor recreation. For more information, email Matt at afatherswalk@gmail.com.

Shades by Single Parent Director, Holly Crain

Had no idea the pace I was growing spiritually until a new person walked into the room. It had been so subtle that it almost went unnoticed. Seeing that new person walk through the door, just as I had, hit me straight to the heart.

I was there!

At that moment, I realized how far I had come. Had I arrived, no way! But I was taking a journey on the right path that the Lord set before me and doing it one step at a time. I never started out thinking that I wanted to grow spiritually and be at THIS place at THIS time. Instead, I started each day wanting to be with God and seek His truth. 
 
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.
7 Do not be wise in your own eyes;
    fear the Lord and shun evil.
8 This will bring health to your body
    and nourishment to your bones.
   -Proverbs 3:5-8

When I took my ways and my plans and submitted those to the Lord brought a heart that began to trust His faithfulness. It's like colors transitioning from one to the other, it's hard to pinpoint where the change happened...it's subtle. As you take steps on the path that the Lord sets before you each day, you may not see any changes. But I want you to know that it's happening and to remain faithful to what is good and right. One day (in the near future) you will be able to turn and see just how far you've come. It really does take being faithful and trustworthy with each day given.

If we haven't met, I want you to know that I walked into this church alone with a five-year-old daughter and a two-month-old son. This church embraced me but bigger than that, the gospel and what God did in my life changed this ordinary girl forever! And I know He will do the same for you! He will! 
crain
Holly Crain, Single Parent Director
Houston’s First Baptist Church — The Loop
Holly.Crain@HoustonsFirst.org
O: 713.957.7674; C: 832-247-4787
HoustonsFirst.org ​
Kathy and I have had the pleasure of working with Kris of The Single Network Ministries at several events over the past three years. We always look forward to her insight and creative ways to connect with her audience sharing the Word of God with encouragement, humor and just being real. You will want to catch her for sure the next time she is in your area. Her sense of humor is a hoot and infectious.
—Kathy and Klay Watson,  Dating His Way Ministries

Single Parenting