Articles by Other Authors
Don't Rush Trust: Let Character Speaker Before Your Heart Does
by Pastor Dan Houk
One of the greatest mistakes we make in relationships isn't loving too much—it's trusting too soon.
Most of us don't wake up one morning and decide to make a poor relationship choice. Instead, it begins with a conversation that feels easy, a smile that makes us feel noticed, or someone who appears to share our values and faith. Before long, we begin imagining what "could be" rather than seeing what actually is.
We've all been there.
When someone pays attention to us, listens well, or makes us feel special, it's easy to confuse those positive emotions with trustworthiness. But feelings and trust are not the same thing.
Why We Long to Connect
God created us for relationships. In the Garden of Eden, before sin entered the world, God declared:
"It is not good for the man to be alone." (Genesis 2:18)
That longing to know others and be known is part of God's design. We were never intended to live isolated lives. We desire friendship, companionship, love, and community because God Himself wired us that way.
Wanting connection is not weakness. It's part of being human.
The danger comes when our desire for connection outruns our discernment.
When we long to be loved, accepted, or chosen, we can unintentionally fill in the blanks about someone before we've truly learned who they are.
Feelings Can Write Stories That Aren't Yet True
At first it seems harmless.
Someone calls when they say they will, and we assume they're dependable.
They quote Scripture or attend church, so we conclude they must be spiritually mature.
They make us feel emotionally safe, so we believe they are, too.
Little by little, our minds begin writing a story based on limited information.
Instead of discovering who the other person really is, we begin creating an idealized version of them in our imagination. The relationship becomes built on assumptions rather than evidence.
The Bible reminds us,
"The simple believe anything, but the prudent give thought to their steps." (Proverbs 14:15)
Wisdom doesn't reject people. Wisdom simply waits until enough evidence has been gathered before placing confidence in someone.
Chemistry Is Not the Same as Character
Chemistry can be exciting.
Conversation flows effortlessly. You laugh together. You enjoy being around one another. There may even be a strong emotional or physical attraction.
None of those things are wrong.
But chemistry only tells us we enjoy being together. It says nothing about whether someone possesses integrity, humility, faithfulness, or emotional maturity.
Character reveals itself over time.
Character is seen when life becomes difficult.
Character shows up when someone is disappointed, corrected, or under pressure.
Character is demonstrated when words consistently match actions.
As Jesus taught, "By their fruit you will recognize them." (Matthew 7:16) Fruit doesn't appear overnight. It develops with time.
So does character.
The Cost of Trusting Too Quickly
When we place deep trust in someone before they've earned it, we often experience unnecessary hurt.
Sometimes we begin sharing our deepest fears, dreams, and wounds before the relationship has proven itself to be emotionally safe.
Sometimes we ignore warning signs because we've already decided this relationship is "different."
Sometimes we become emotionally attached long before a solid foundation has been built.
Then, when disappointment comes, the pain feels overwhelming—not because the offense was enormous, but because our heart was already far ahead of reality.
Healthy Trust Grows Slowly
Trust isn't built in giant leaps.
It's built one faithful step at a time.
Healthy relationships often move through predictable stages:
Observation before assumption. Watch how someone lives. Do their choices consistently reflect their beliefs?
Consistency before confidence. One good conversation proves very little. Repeated faithfulness over time reveals much more.
Credibility before commitment. Allow your level of trust to increase only as someone's character has been demonstrated.
Time before complete trust. There are no shortcuts. Time has a way of exposing both strengths and weaknesses.
Scripture reminds us, "Like a broken tooth or a lame foot is reliance on the unfaithful in a time of trouble." (Proverbs 25:19)
God never asks us to ignore wisdom in the name of love.
Four Ways to Guard Your Heart Without Closing It
Guarding your heart doesn't mean becoming suspicious or cynical. It simply means exercising biblical wisdom.
Stay curious.
Rather than rushing to define the relationship, continue learning about the person. Ask questions. Watch how they treat family, friends, coworkers, and even strangers.
Let trust follow evidence.
Give trust in proportion to what has consistently been demonstrated—not merely what has been promised.
Monitor your emotional pace.
Sometimes the relationship isn't moving too quickly; your imagination is. Slow down your expectations. Resist planning a future before you've established a foundation.
Invite God into the process.
Instead of only asking, "Is this the right person?" also ask, "Lord, am I moving at Your pace?"
God is just as interested in the timing of a relationship as He is in the person.
What Lasts Doesn't Need to Be Rushed
Trust is one of the greatest gifts you can offer another person. Because it is so valuable, it should also be given wisely.
If you've trusted too quickly in the past, don't let those experiences make you fearful. Let them make you wiser.
Stay open.
Stay kind.
Stay hopeful.
But allow time to reveal what first impressions cannot.
When God is building something lasting, there is no need to hurry. Character will become evident. Integrity will be tested. Faithfulness will be revealed.
As Proverbs 4:23 wisely says, Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."
A healthy relationship isn't built on excitement alone. It is built on truth, consistency, mutual respect, and proven character.
Take your time. Trust God's timing. Let people earn the privilege of your trust.
Because what is genuine will never be harmed by patience.
©2026 The Singles Network Ministries
Most of us don't wake up one morning and decide to make a poor relationship choice. Instead, it begins with a conversation that feels easy, a smile that makes us feel noticed, or someone who appears to share our values and faith. Before long, we begin imagining what "could be" rather than seeing what actually is.
We've all been there.
When someone pays attention to us, listens well, or makes us feel special, it's easy to confuse those positive emotions with trustworthiness. But feelings and trust are not the same thing.
Why We Long to Connect
God created us for relationships. In the Garden of Eden, before sin entered the world, God declared:
"It is not good for the man to be alone." (Genesis 2:18)
That longing to know others and be known is part of God's design. We were never intended to live isolated lives. We desire friendship, companionship, love, and community because God Himself wired us that way.
Wanting connection is not weakness. It's part of being human.
The danger comes when our desire for connection outruns our discernment.
When we long to be loved, accepted, or chosen, we can unintentionally fill in the blanks about someone before we've truly learned who they are.
Feelings Can Write Stories That Aren't Yet True
At first it seems harmless.
Someone calls when they say they will, and we assume they're dependable.
They quote Scripture or attend church, so we conclude they must be spiritually mature.
They make us feel emotionally safe, so we believe they are, too.
Little by little, our minds begin writing a story based on limited information.
Instead of discovering who the other person really is, we begin creating an idealized version of them in our imagination. The relationship becomes built on assumptions rather than evidence.
The Bible reminds us,
"The simple believe anything, but the prudent give thought to their steps." (Proverbs 14:15)
Wisdom doesn't reject people. Wisdom simply waits until enough evidence has been gathered before placing confidence in someone.
Chemistry Is Not the Same as Character
Chemistry can be exciting.
Conversation flows effortlessly. You laugh together. You enjoy being around one another. There may even be a strong emotional or physical attraction.
None of those things are wrong.
But chemistry only tells us we enjoy being together. It says nothing about whether someone possesses integrity, humility, faithfulness, or emotional maturity.
Character reveals itself over time.
Character is seen when life becomes difficult.
Character shows up when someone is disappointed, corrected, or under pressure.
Character is demonstrated when words consistently match actions.
As Jesus taught, "By their fruit you will recognize them." (Matthew 7:16) Fruit doesn't appear overnight. It develops with time.
So does character.
The Cost of Trusting Too Quickly
When we place deep trust in someone before they've earned it, we often experience unnecessary hurt.
Sometimes we begin sharing our deepest fears, dreams, and wounds before the relationship has proven itself to be emotionally safe.
Sometimes we ignore warning signs because we've already decided this relationship is "different."
Sometimes we become emotionally attached long before a solid foundation has been built.
Then, when disappointment comes, the pain feels overwhelming—not because the offense was enormous, but because our heart was already far ahead of reality.
Healthy Trust Grows Slowly
Trust isn't built in giant leaps.
It's built one faithful step at a time.
Healthy relationships often move through predictable stages:
Observation before assumption. Watch how someone lives. Do their choices consistently reflect their beliefs?
Consistency before confidence. One good conversation proves very little. Repeated faithfulness over time reveals much more.
Credibility before commitment. Allow your level of trust to increase only as someone's character has been demonstrated.
Time before complete trust. There are no shortcuts. Time has a way of exposing both strengths and weaknesses.
Scripture reminds us, "Like a broken tooth or a lame foot is reliance on the unfaithful in a time of trouble." (Proverbs 25:19)
God never asks us to ignore wisdom in the name of love.
Four Ways to Guard Your Heart Without Closing It
Guarding your heart doesn't mean becoming suspicious or cynical. It simply means exercising biblical wisdom.
Stay curious.
Rather than rushing to define the relationship, continue learning about the person. Ask questions. Watch how they treat family, friends, coworkers, and even strangers.
Let trust follow evidence.
Give trust in proportion to what has consistently been demonstrated—not merely what has been promised.
Monitor your emotional pace.
Sometimes the relationship isn't moving too quickly; your imagination is. Slow down your expectations. Resist planning a future before you've established a foundation.
Invite God into the process.
Instead of only asking, "Is this the right person?" also ask, "Lord, am I moving at Your pace?"
God is just as interested in the timing of a relationship as He is in the person.
What Lasts Doesn't Need to Be Rushed
Trust is one of the greatest gifts you can offer another person. Because it is so valuable, it should also be given wisely.
If you've trusted too quickly in the past, don't let those experiences make you fearful. Let them make you wiser.
Stay open.
Stay kind.
Stay hopeful.
But allow time to reveal what first impressions cannot.
When God is building something lasting, there is no need to hurry. Character will become evident. Integrity will be tested. Faithfulness will be revealed.
As Proverbs 4:23 wisely says, Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."
A healthy relationship isn't built on excitement alone. It is built on truth, consistency, mutual respect, and proven character.
Take your time. Trust God's timing. Let people earn the privilege of your trust.
Because what is genuine will never be harmed by patience.
©2026 The Singles Network Ministries
ABOUT DAN:
I experienced the pain of divorce after my twenty-five-year marriage failed. My healing and restoration journey led me to a new marriage with Teresa and to a new ministry we launched together. Together, Teresa and I have nine children, eleven grandchildren, and lots and lots of excitement. I have been in full-time ministry for over 13 years and have served as the single adults' pastor at one of the largest singles ministries in the United States. I also led our marriage and family ministry, specializing in parents of teenagers and blended families. Our singles ministry focused on helping people deepen their relationship with God and develop healthy and fulfilling relationships in their lives.
Our singles ministry had three main categories: never-married, divorced, and widowed. Those who went through DivorceCare® would heal from the divorce, but if they got into new relationships, they often had the same old dynamics that led to the divorce. Widows, widowers, and those who have never married seem to have similar experiences. So, we wrote a curriculum for classes on developing healthy relationships.
Over time, we taught thousands of single adults these principles and saw them experience greater relational satisfaction in their friendships, family relationships, and dating lives. While leading the singles ministry, we saw over 100 healthy, happy marriages, with almost no divorces. People were intentional with their relationships.
I have witnessed some fantastic endings to their stories:
https://mysummit.church
I experienced the pain of divorce after my twenty-five-year marriage failed. My healing and restoration journey led me to a new marriage with Teresa and to a new ministry we launched together. Together, Teresa and I have nine children, eleven grandchildren, and lots and lots of excitement. I have been in full-time ministry for over 13 years and have served as the single adults' pastor at one of the largest singles ministries in the United States. I also led our marriage and family ministry, specializing in parents of teenagers and blended families. Our singles ministry focused on helping people deepen their relationship with God and develop healthy and fulfilling relationships in their lives.
Our singles ministry had three main categories: never-married, divorced, and widowed. Those who went through DivorceCare® would heal from the divorce, but if they got into new relationships, they often had the same old dynamics that led to the divorce. Widows, widowers, and those who have never married seem to have similar experiences. So, we wrote a curriculum for classes on developing healthy relationships.
Over time, we taught thousands of single adults these principles and saw them experience greater relational satisfaction in their friendships, family relationships, and dating lives. While leading the singles ministry, we saw over 100 healthy, happy marriages, with almost no divorces. People were intentional with their relationships.
I have witnessed some fantastic endings to their stories:
- Marriages that were on the brink of divorce recover and thrive
- Single moms or dads find happiness in a blended family
- Never-marrieds finally find their one true love and get married late in life
- Singles find peace and contentment in their singleness
- People are happier and more confident people
https://mysummit.church
Churches are neglecting the marriage crisis amid a rise in porn and technology, Jimmy Evans warns
Americans still want marriage — they’re just increasingly afraid of it.
That’s according to Jimmy Evans, the founder of the Dallas, Texas-based ministry XO Marriage, who, with his wife, Karen, has spent over three decades helping couples navigate conflict. A generation raised amid divorce, relationship instability, and cultural confusion about commitment, he told The Christian Post, is approaching marriage with unprecedented hesitation.
"Part of the problem is a lot of the Church just simply isn't interested in marriage," Evans, apostolic elder at Trinity Fellowship Church in Amarillo, Texas, and author of Marriage on the Rock, The Four Laws of Love and Strengths-Based Marriage, said, citing statistics revealing that 85% of churches allocate no budget to marriage ministry.
"Many pastors don't speak on the subject of marriage, or if they do, they don't speak with authority from the scriptures in a manner that really equips people to be married." Read More
That’s according to Jimmy Evans, the founder of the Dallas, Texas-based ministry XO Marriage, who, with his wife, Karen, has spent over three decades helping couples navigate conflict. A generation raised amid divorce, relationship instability, and cultural confusion about commitment, he told The Christian Post, is approaching marriage with unprecedented hesitation.
"Part of the problem is a lot of the Church just simply isn't interested in marriage," Evans, apostolic elder at Trinity Fellowship Church in Amarillo, Texas, and author of Marriage on the Rock, The Four Laws of Love and Strengths-Based Marriage, said, citing statistics revealing that 85% of churches allocate no budget to marriage ministry.
"Many pastors don't speak on the subject of marriage, or if they do, they don't speak with authority from the scriptures in a manner that really equips people to be married." Read More
Am I Getting Older or Wiser?
I’m getting ready to turn 70. Lately I’ve noticed little things that reveal I’m getting older. Some of them include:
And so—it begins. I am thrilled to discover that the Bible shares a positive side to aging, “Wisdom is found with the elderly, and understanding comes with long life” Job 12:12 CSB My bones and hair may be thinning, but I am not defeated. There is a positive side to getting older. I can become smarter than ever before if I’m teachable. And desire it. This is fabulous news. Here are a few ways I believe have helped me evaluate whether I’m getting wiser or merely older. Wise People Are Teachable As I age, I no longer need to impress others with what I know. I used to fear being viewed as unintelligent, and I became a “know-it-all”. Now I’m like a sponge, eager to learn from others. It’s Ok if I don’t know what they know. I’m eager to learn. And if someone has an opposing view to mine, I want to learn why they believe what they believe. Friends are more valuable than money My girlfriends are more precious than gold. I learned to surround myself with women who encourage and lovingly confront me. The bible describes it as “iron sharpening iron,” and that’s why they are a treasure. In the past, I made some poor choices about who to let into my circle. I trusted women I shouldn’t have. They didn’t have my back. Some were even jealous. Now I’m more discerning. Trials and temptations are viewed as an opportunity for growth. This sounds weird—but stay with me. It doesn’t mean I’m skipping through a storm, shouting “Praise the Lord” and pretending the pain doesn’t exist. It means I’ve learned that God can be trusted in the middle of a crisis. I can learn things in a storm that I can’t in any other setting. And I’ve tested Him. God can bring good out of bad—if I let Him. And the results may make me stronger than before. I hate the storm, but I love the results. The storm humbles me and makes me more useful for others who are hurting. I don’t give cliché answers anymore. I sit with the weeping and can say, “Learn from me.” There is an increased awareness of areas of weakness Maturing doesn’t mean I don’t make stupid decisions, poor choices, or sin. It does mean that my radar is sharper. My alertness to evil is urgent. My knowledge of God’s Word is greater, and my desire to obey God is intense. When I’m growing, I’m quick to admit when I’m wrong and confess. And I ask God to help me avoid this situation in the future. It might require making sacrifices if that’s necessary. The passion to avoid becoming ensnared is fierce. I’ve learned to set healthy boundaries This was a challenge. I didn’t realize I was an enabler. I thought I was being nice. I was wrong. I let people treat me poorly because I didn’t know how to say no in a healthy way. And to make it worse, I thought I was being a good person. Loving someone doesn’t mean tolerating toxic behavior. Ignoring or dismissing hurtful behavior, whether that’s from family, friends, or the church, creates more pain. Compassionately addressing the situation is true love. I’m not embarrassed or arrogant about being different. It’s not popular to be a senior citizen, a conservative, or a Christian. I’m all those things. I used to shy away from sharing who I am. No more. The reverse is also true. If I discover my comments and social media posts are focused on an arrogant “us versus them” mentality cloaked in shame, that’s an indication I’ve become a condescending, “right-fighting” curmudgeon. To mature, I must admit that the old lady’s egotistical thinking has crept into my brain. It’s rooted in pride. And pride is always spelled S-I-N. I recognize God owns it ALL One day I finally realized that there isn’t a person, place, or thing in my life that couldn’t be gone in 30 seconds. I have no ability to keep or control anything. At a moment’s notice, God can choose to remove my husband, family, friends, church, home, health, car, plus anything else I think I possess. At first, I didn’t like these sobering thoughts. Then I admitted that God is in control, not me. A huge burden was lifted. He has given me the privilege to be the caretaker of the people or things to which I’m entrusted. But I don’t own them. He does. I’m conquering fear. My younger life was ruled by fear. It was my constant companion along with his twin sisters: anxiety and worry. This was embedded in childhood and only grew as life became more complicated and thornier. Becoming a Christian at 24 didn’t automatically erase my embedded fears. I knew I had to learn to trust God. And over the years, with each various trial, I opened my clenched hands more and more. One day in 2005, the doctors told me they thought I had Multiple Sclerosis. I pulled the covers over my head, curled into the fetal position, and begged God to just take me to heaven right that moment. I cried for two days, begging God to help me. And then one day, after a nap, I felt better. Lighter. And He answered my prayer. I was still concerned, but the heavy weight of dread and doom was gone. It was replaced by “I don’t know what tomorrow holds, Lord. But I trust you. I’m leaving this in your hands. I’m not in control—you are.” It turned out I don’t have MS, but I didn’t know that at the time. I had finally learned how to let go of the need to be in control. I’ve learned to dance. No, not the tango. My early years were spent in an exhausting effort of performance for everyone—including God. I kept trying to earn love, approval, significance, and acceptance. I jumped off the performance treadmill. If people don’t like that I’m a loud sanguine—oh well. If people don’t like my Yankee accent—oh well. If people think of me as a woman, I shouldn’t be in the pulpit—oh well. If people think I talk about my faith too much—oh well. If people don’t like my loud, crazy clothing and purse—oh well. I don’t let others determine my worth anymore. I finally gave in and allowed God to lavish me with the love I’ve longed for. I let Him whisper, “Laura, you are beautiful and precious to me just as you are. I delight in you. I am crazy in love with you, and there is not one thing you can do about it. I will never leave you. Never.” I can’t explain why he loves me, but I’ve learned that it’s true. Because I stopped laboring, wrestling, and attempting to achieve. I replaced it with resting securely in the arms of my Creator. Those new wrinkles don’t matter as much as they once did. However, I’m not as quick to forgive myself for my increasing pant size, but I’m working on it. Are you? Now—if I could only find where I put my cell phone? A-L-E-X-A, find my phone! Copyright © 2026 Laura Petherbridge. All rights reserved 
Laura Petherbridge is an author, speaker, and life coach who serves couples and single adults. She is the author of Stepfamilies of the Bible: Timeless Wisdom for Blended Families, 101 Tips for The Smart Stepmom—Expert Advice from One Stepmom to Another, and When “I Do” Becomes “I Don’t”—Practical Steps for Healing During Separation and Divorce. She is featured on FamilyLife, MomLife Today, Lifeway, Focus on the Family, and Homeward. She is a featured expert on the original DivorceCare DVD series. Her book, The Smart Stepmom, has sold more than 45,000 copies and is co-authored with Ron Deal. Her website is www.TheSmartStepmom.com
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