Articles by Kris Swiatocho, Director The Singles Network Ministries

Articles by Kris Swiatocho, Director

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Should I Marry Without Romance and Attraction?

by Kris Swiatocho, Director, The Singles Network Ministries

QUESTION: After experiencing my share of unhealthy relationships, I rededicated my life to the Lord. Now I am dating what many would consider the “perfect man.” He wants to marry me, is a believer, and possesses every quality I have ever wanted in a husband.

Yet, despite all of this, I feel empty inside. He is not physically my type. He looks and dresses in ways that are the opposite of what I find attractive. I don’t find him handsome, and I don’t feel the same sense of attraction I have experienced in previous relationships. My friends say I’m crazy for questioning something that seems so ideal.

I understand that romance and physical attraction are not explicitly defined in Scripture, but I sometimes feel afraid and unsettled when I think about marriage without either of those elements. What keeps me going is God’s promise that marriage is favored and blessed, and that “all these things will be added.” Still, that assurance does not remove the hollow feeling or bring me peace. Please advise.

ANSWER: While it is truly wonderful that you have found someone who aligns with so many important qualities, physical attraction remains a significant part of a healthy relationship. To paraphrase Dick Purnell in his book Finding a Lasting Love, there are five essential components of a strong relationship: mental, emotional, spiritual, social, and physical. The physical dimension — which includes attraction — is not superficial; it is part of a whole-person connection.
• Yes — attraction matters. It is a legitimate and important aspect of a relationship.
• No — attraction alone is not enough. Chemistry without friendship and relational depth will not sustain lasting love.
• And attraction should not be forced. Wisdom is needed when there is no genuine draw toward the other person.
Purnell suggests that there should be at least some “seed” of attraction that encourages you to continue building the relationship. At the same time, attraction can grow over time. As friendship deepens and emotional connection strengthens, physical attraction may develop in ways that were not initially present.

In fact, strong physical attraction early on can sometimes cloud judgment and lead people to move ahead of God’s timing. Slowing down and investing in a healthy friendship can often transform what began as a modest attraction into a deep and meaningful one. However, regardless of how it develops, physical attraction ultimately needs to be present for a dating relationship to thrive in the long term.

So what should you do?

While God certainly has the power to reshape feelings and perceptions, relationships are not meant to rely on the hope that attraction will suddenly appear. My advice is to have an honest conversation with your boyfriend. He deserves to know what you are experiencing. Entering marriage without attraction could lead to feelings of obligation rather than joy — forced affection, reluctant intimacy, and unspoken disappointment. No one deserves that.

Recognizing the admirable, husband-worthy qualities in your current boyfriend should not create pressure but rather reassurance: waiting for the right match — one that includes both compatibility and attraction — is worthwhile.

And remember, Scripture does speak richly about love, passion, and romance. God did not overlook those aspects of human connection — He created them. The Song of Solomon beautifully illustrates this truth.

May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer—may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love (Proverbs 5:18-19).

Order your copy of Intentional Relationships for Singles' 12-week Bible study to learn more. This study covers topics on why our relationships fail, identity, gender differences, boundaries, conflict, blind spots, friendship (in all our relationships—family, work, church, neighbors, friends), but also intentional friendship, including red, yellow, and green flags, intentional dating, and engagement.

© 2026 Kris Swiatocho Ministries; www.TheSinglesNetwork.org Ministries; www.IntentionalRelationshipSolutions.org

Waiting on God's Best versus God's Less

by Kris Swiatocho, Director, The Singles Network Ministries

“Yes, I know—it’s hard to wait on God for that special person. It’s so much easier to compromise and hope they’ll eventually go to church or get right with the Lord.

Kris, you don’t understand—my clock is ticking. I want children, and I can’t wait.
Kris, as a man, I know I can have kids in my 50s, but I don’t want to be their grandfather—I want to be their dad.
Kris, I’ve already been married. I know what to expect, so I don’t need to wait.
Kris, I know the Lord is with me…but can He have skin? I need a hug.

Okay, friends—I’ve heard it all. And after being single longer than most of you reading this, I can honestly say this: I would rather wait the rest of my life for God’s best than settle for God’s less.

In the meantime, I am working on myself—so that whether I marry or not, I am becoming a better Christian, a better daughter, a better sister, and a better friend. So, are you willing to wait with me?

1. Trust God’s Timing Over Your Own
God sees the full picture—past, present, and future. Waiting does not mean forgotten; it means God is at work in ways we cannot yet see.
“He has made everything beautiful in its time.” — Ecclesiastes 3:11

2. Find Wholeness in Christ First
A relationship is a gift, not a fix. True fulfillment begins with a deep, secure identity in Christ, not in relationship status.
“The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me.” — Psalm 138:8

3. Stay Open While Living Fully
Hope grows when singles continue to live fully—serving, growing, building friendships, and saying yes to what God places before them today.
“Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him, and He will act.” — Psalm 37:5

4. Believe God Can Do the Unexpected
Many biblical relationships came through unlikely paths. God often works beyond our plans, preferences, and timelines.
“Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine…” — Ephesians 3:20

5. Remember You Are Never Alone
Even in seasons of waiting, God walks closely with His people. He is present, attentive, and compassionate toward the desires of the heart.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” — Psalm 34:18

Order your copy of Intentional Relationships for Single's 12-week Bible study to learn more. This study covers topics on why our relationships fail, identity, gender differences, boundaries, conflict, blind spots, friendship (in all our relationships—family, work, church, neighbors, friends) but also intentional friendship, including red, yellow, and green flags, intentional dating, and engagement.

© 2026 Kris Swiatocho Ministries; www.TheSinglesNetwork.org Ministries; www.IntentionalRelationshipSolutions.org