Articles by Kris Swiatocho, Director The Singles Network Ministries

Articles by Kris Swiatocho, Director

Intentional Relationships: Pocketing by Kris Swiatocho

QUESTION:
I have been dating a wonderful lady for several months. We have told each other "I love you" and even talked about marriage. However, there are times I feel very distant from her. For example, I still have not met some of her friends. She talks about them, but for whatever reason, it never seems to be the right time for me to meet all of them. Also, she has met my parents on several occasions, but when I suggest we take a weekend to see her parents, they seem to always be out of town. Lastly, while she takes many pictures of us together, I have never seen them posted on her social media accounts. She keeps telling me that our photos are private and doesn't want the world to know everything about our lives. However, she posted other pictures of her friends and past dating relationships. So, what does this mean?

There is a new term out there called "Pocketing," which means someone keeps you/your relationship in their "pocket." While that might seem nice, who doesn’t want to be in a warm and soft place? It is not. Pocketing means that someone keeps you from fully seeing or experiencing them for whatever reasons.

It could be they:

Are embarrassed to date you and don't want their friends to know
Do not feel you are good enough to take home to momma
Like getting their needs met only; it's about them
Know dating you is wrong. For example, you aren't a Christian, and they know God would be against dating someone who isn’t a believer and a follower of Christ.
2 Corinthians 6:14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?
They know their parents or friends wouldn't approve because of your nationality or skin color. While it’s not a sin to date someone of a different race or ethnicity, you know it would cause issues, so don’t let your friends or family know.
Have something to hide such as being in prison, already in another relationship or married, and living a double life.
Luke 16:10 “One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much, and one who is dishonest in a very little is also dishonest in much.

On a more positive note, there could be a logical answer, such as their family is toxic. Maybe they do want to keep your relationship more private. Perhaps in the past, they put too much on social media, and it causes problems in the relationship. But bottom line, all this is screaming the need for a DTR: Determine the Relationship*. You need time to sit down and address these concerns. Be sure you agree on where you are and where you are going. If they aren’t willing to take you to meet their parents, it could be because they are not ready to date. Remember, there is no dating in the Bible, only courtship for marriage. So the more you know where you are and your expectations, the healthier your relationship and possible future marriage will be.

*DTR and more on dating are found in Chapter 11 of our new study. Order your copy of Intentional Relationships for Single's 12-week Bible study to learn more. This study covers topics on why our relationships fail, identity, gender differences, boundaries, conflict, blind spots, friendship (in all our relationships—family, work, church, neighbors, friends) but also intentional friendship, including red, yellow, and green flags, intentional dating, and engagement.

To learn more about dating, DTR’s, red, yellow and green flags, order your copy of Intentional Relationships for Singles 12-week Bible study. This study covers topics on why our relationships fail, identity, gender differences, boundaries, conflict, blind spots, friendship (in all our relationships—family, work, church, neighbors, friends) but also intentional friendship, including red, yellow, and green flags, intentional dating, and engagement.

General Articles/Relationships

Pocketing by Kris Swiatocho
Online Dating, Excerpt, Intentional Relationships for Singles by Kris Swiatocho and Dan Houk
Handling Flirtation by Kris Swiatocho
107 Days to Go by Michelle Eigemann
Blind Spots, Excerpt, Intentional Relationships for Singles
We Got It All Wrong, Excerpt, Intentional Relationships for Singles
Why Relationships Fail, Excerpt, Intentional Relationships for Singles
Friendzone, Really?
Intentional Dating
Surviving the Holiday's with Pastor Tom Worstell
He's Got This
Dating During COVID
Should I Online Date?
Friendationship
"ALL" Series of Articles
Christmas Story
I Kissed Dating Hello
4 Kinds of Battles Single Encounter, Burmese Language
Do You Want to Be Married? (doc), Single Matters Magazine
Practical Tips in Online Dating
The Best Worse Date
Jesus, Single Like Me: Alone vs. Loneliness
Salt and Life in the Workplace
I Married My Mother, and Now I Want a Divorce, Single Matters Magazine
I Love/Hate About Being Single (includes Spanish)
Why Should I Reconcile When It's So Painful (doc), Crosswalk.com
Gossip versus Venting (doc), Journey Christian News
Restoration (doc), Journey Christian News
Why Am I Single? (doc)Journey Christian News
4 Battles of Singleness (pdf), Crosswalk Online Magazine
Friendationship: Can You Be More-Than-Friends but Less-Than-Romantic? (pdf), Crosswalk Online Magazine, Graceful Chic Magazine
Jesus, Single Like Me: He Knew What it Feels to Be Alone (pdf), Overwhelmed Single Mom's Magazine
Singles Life: The Worse and Best Dates (pdf), Crosswalk Online Magazine
Being Single and Making a Difference (pdf), Crosswalk Online Magazine
What I Love/Hate About Being Single (doc), Crosswalk Online Magazine
Why Are You Single (pdf), Crosswalk Online Magazine
I Married My Mother (pdf), Crosswalk Online Magazine

The Women in Christ's Life Series:

The Men in Christ Life Series:

Dear Kris...

Dear Kris: Where are the Men? (doc)
Dear Kris: Separation Issues/Church (pdf)
Dear Kris: Need Ideas CA (pdf)
Dear Kris: I Want to Quit (pdf)
Dear Kris: Starting a Women's Ministry (pdf)
Dear Kris: Online Dating/UK (pdf)

Jesus, Single Like Me Series:

A Fine Line Series:
For a full list of these articles, go to Crosswalk.com

Older printed publications:

Online Dating, Pros and Cons
Article Interview, Florida Baptist Witness, 2015

No Regular Joe
Lifeway Home Magazine, 2014

Vantage Point Article
Christian Single Magazine, Lifeway, 2006

Wisdom Article
Living Solo Magazine, 2003

Standing Up for Singles
Raleigh World, 2003

The Singles Network, Joining Forces To MInister to Singles
Christian Single Magazine, Lifeway, 2003

I first met Kris Swiatocho with The Singles Network Ministries about 3 1/2 years ago when she came to speak at my church. I was fairly new to the church and the Singles Ministry. Since then, I have had the opportunity to hear Kris speak to our Women’s Ministry, Singles Ministry, at a retreat and on two cruises. Kris has a way of sharing God’s Word in a practical way. She is a wonderful example of the boldness we should seek in Christ. I lead groups using her studies as well as the 4th Sunday “Pray for a Mate” time. I have found the studies to be thought provoking for great discussions in my groups as well as personal growth.
—Quaye Berry, Singles Ministry Leader, Tulsa, OK