Articles by Kris Swiatocho, Director The Singles Network Ministries

Articles by Kris Swiatocho, Director

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Intentional Relationships: His Hearts Desire

by Kris Swiatocho

“Doe, a deer, a female deer; Ray, a drop of golden sun.” I can imagine how joyful it would be to sing this and dance around the Residenz Fountain in Austria, embracing the moment's beauty.

The sound of Big Ben chiming echoes in my mind, and I can almost feel the gentle breeze as I imagine sailing down the River Thames, letting the history of the place wash over me.

I can completely relate to being captivated by the stunning artistry in the Sistine Chapel in Vatican City. Admiring Michelangelo's work up close must be an overwhelming experience.

As my college years were coming to an end, I remember the excitement I felt while planning my trip to Europe. With my work visa, passport, and all the necessary documents in hand, I was ready for an adventure. I had even bought my airline ticket, and it felt like the world was full of endless possibilities just waiting for me. In that moment, I felt invincible and empowered, experiencing a sense of independence that was truly uplifting. Being single during that time allowed me to embrace that freedom, knowing I could go anywhere and do anything. I remember feeling incredibly free, and it was a beautiful time in my life.

I understand how overwhelming it can be to reflect on certain life choices. The day after I graduated from college, I met a man who quickly captivated my attention and led me down a path that I now realize was quite dark. It was a journey that pulled me away from God and caused me a lot of heartache. For the next couple of years, I found myself estranged not just from my family, but also from the purpose God had laid out for me.
God had designed my time of singleness to be a period of growth and service for Him, but instead, I focused on my relationship and what would make me and my boyfriend happy. We decided to live together, even though deep down, I knew it wasn’t the right choice. We indulged in parties and spent money as if it were never-ending. While it seemed fun in the moment, I started to realize there was a missing piece—true joy, which only comes from a relationship with God.

Despite everything, God continually reminded me of His love and that my life held far greater value than where I found myself at that moment. It's a journey filled with lessons, and I hope to share this understanding with others who might be struggling as well.

As the "happy" phase of my relationship began to shift into sadness, I found myself overwhelmed by fear, guilt over my mistakes, the pressure of bill collectors, and the disappointment of friends and family. It was during this difficult time that I felt God's presence, with His hands outstretched, inviting me to turn to Him. I struggled with feelings of unworthiness because of my sins and shame. After leaving my boyfriend, instead of seeking comfort in the Lord, I wandered aimlessly for another year, desperately searching for truth, love, and peace, but only encountered more heartache. God could define me. The question then was: how would I use this knowledge, this power?

Eventually, I hit rock bottom. I had lost everything—my money was gone, I was deep in debt, and I was barely managing to eat. I looked and felt awful, both inside and out. In that dark moment, God reminded me of the path He had laid out for me. This time, I chose to embrace Him.
That decision was transformative. I began to realize that my life as a single person could still hold the power, peace, and joy I had desperately sought. I learned that true fulfillment comes from God alone, not from a partner, money, substances, material possessions, or even the support of family and friends. Only God could truly give me my worth and define who I am. And from that understanding emerged a pivotal question: How would I use this newfound knowledge and strength?

Over the next thirty years, I experienced a profound journey of growth as a single adult, and I want to share how it has shaped me. I have so many stories that highlight the significance of my choices during this time. Whether it was starting my own business, deciding to leave everything behind for full-time ministry, or caring for my grandmother and stepfather, being single has given me a unique flexibility that allowed me to embrace these opportunities. I deeply understand that being single can come with its own challenges, but I genuinely feel blessed by the experiences and lessons that have come my way during this time.

How about you? I know that being single can bring a mix of feelings and experiences. How has your singleness influenced your life and the lives of those around you? It's important to recognize your worth during this time. Remember, God can use you in so many wonderful ways, even in your singleness. Take a few moments right now to pause and pray, placing your trust in God as you navigate this season of your life and consider what His next steps might be for you. You are not alone in this journey. His plans are great, just trust Him.

Jeremiah 29: 11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Psalm 37:3-4 Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Note: This testimony holds a special significance in my study, "Intentional Relationships for Singles." Reflecting on that time, I realize I was not following the Lord and found myself in a relationship that was far outside the Lord’s will. I barely knew the man I moved in with, and looking back, I wish I had taken the time to seek guidance from God, surround myself with supportive believers, pray earnestly, and be patient. If I had used the Intentional Friendship™ questions, I would have made more thoughtful choices, perhaps avoiding the heartache of moving in with someone I didn’t truly know.

Though my journey was filled with challenges, I want you to know that my experiences have allowed me to build a thriving singles ministry and write books aimed at helping others. I deeply empathize with anyone who is navigating similar struggles because I don’t want anyone to endure what I went through. If you find yourself in a difficult situation or have made mistakes, remember that God loves you unconditionally and is waiting with open arms to welcome you back. There is always room for forgiveness and a chance for a fresh start. You are not alone on this journey, and healing is possible.

© 2025 Kris Swiatocho Ministries; www.TheSinglesNetwork.org Ministries; www.IntentionalRelationshipSolutions.org

Intentional Relationships: Do Bubbles Really Help?

by Kris Swiatocho

QUESTION: I become upset very easily. For the most part, I am even-tempered and can handle most of life’s stresses. However, when I find myself stuck in traffic, waiting a long time on the phone with customer service, or in line at the store checkout, or when I haven’t had enough sleep, even the most minor things can set me off. Then, I embarrass myself, and my witness crumbles. I know this has affected my friendships and my dating life as well. What is wrong with me, and why can’t I control it?

Well, first of all, everyone experiences stress at some point and loses their temper. However, these incidents tend to occur less frequently as we grow in our faith and draw closer to the Lord. You will start to recognize your trigger points—those situations that usually provoke your reactions. For example, if you’re tired or haven’t had much sleep, it's wise to avoid making significant decisions at that time. You might find it helpful to schedule calls that require pressing multiple buttons to reach an agent during periods when you’re less likely to feel stressed, or you could plan your time in advance to accommodate waiting in line. When you're at the store, consider doing something while waiting in line, like striking up a conversation with those around you. As for traffic, I like to blow bubbles out of my car window; it really alleviates the stress of waiting, and everyone enjoys and loves a bubble.

Years ago, I stopped at Shake and Steak™ while traveling through Kentucky. They have the best string French fries! I ordered a hamburger with everything except onions because I'm allergic. After driving about 10 miles, I took a huge bite of my delicious burger, only to realize it had onions on it. I immediately became furious. I spat out the burger and frantically searched for my receipt so I could call the restaurant to complain. I explained to the manager that, while I wouldn’t die from it, I would definitely break out in hives. I couldn’t believe they had put onions on my burger after I specifically told them not to. The manager asked me to bring it back for a replacement, but I was frustrated, saying, “I’m 10 miles down the road! Can’t I just go to a different location?” He explained that each franchise is separate, and I raised my voice, saying, “Never mind!” I rolled down my passenger window to throw the burger out—with the wrapper—but it missed the window and slowly slid down the inside of my car. Now, I had to deal with ketchup and mustard staining the interior and the smell of onions for the next several hours.

So, what’s the point of this story? It illustrates my struggle in various areas of life. If I had simply checked the burger before leaving the restaurant, I could have avoided the incident altogether. I would have enjoyed a delicious burger without any stress or anger, and my car would have stayed clean. So why did this upset me so much?

1. I was angry with myself for not checking the burger. God gives us wisdom, and we need to use it.

2. This inconvenience disrupted my schedule. I could have easily turned back if I had allowed more time and planned better.

3. I wanted to be in control. I expected the manager to care for me the way I wanted, which was an entitled attitude—not a reflection of the fruits of the Spirit. While the manager offered to resolve the situation, I wanted more, though I’m unsure what that could have been.

4. I ended up with a mess of ketchup and mustard, a reminder of my behavior. Not only did I lose my witness with the manager, but I also hurt my relationship with the Lord. It was just a burger in the grand scheme of things, but my need for control turned it into something much more significant.

Proverbs 25:28 states, " A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls. "

Returning to your question, it really comes down to surrendering every part of your life to God. It involves identifying the areas that cause stress, peeling back the layers, and uncovering the issue's root. It was never really about my hamburger or Steak and Shake™; it was about me. I assure you that as you become more self-aware over time, plan better, breathe, pray, and take a step back, you will find yourself losing your temper less often and might even discover humor in the situation. At that moment, I wasn’t laughing, but today, I can easily see the humor in it.

Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Order your copy of Intentional Relationships for Single's 12-week Bible study to learn more. This study covers topics on why our relationships fail, identity, gender differences, boundaries, conflict, blind spots, friendship (in all our relationships—family, work, church, neighbors, friends) but also intentional friendship, including red, yellow, and green flags, intentional dating, and engagement.

© 2025 Kris Swiatocho Ministries; www.TheSinglesNetwork.org Ministries; www.IntentionalRelationshipSolutions.org

Intentional Relationships: Do I Still Need a List

by Kris Swiatocho and Dan Houk

QUESTION: I attend a large church with many singles but have not yet met anyone I want to get to know better. I wonder if my “list” is too strict. After studying Intentional Relationships, I understand that building friendships is important. I should be his intentional friend and ask those numerous questions you included in the book. However, I struggle to meet anyone I feel drawn to, let alone start an Intentional Friendship™. Is there something wrong with me? In a world filled with singles, I should be making friends easily. Kris and Dan, can you help me understand what I might be doing wrong?

First, let us reassure you that you may not be doing anything wrong. It could simply be that it’s not God’s timing for you to meet someone and build a friendship that could lead to something deeper. However, your question suggests that you desire to meet someone but haven't found that opportunity yet. You mentioned your “list,” so let’s address that first.

From a young age, women—especially those in their teens and early twenties—are often encouraged to create a list of qualities they want in a future spouse. The idea is to reflect on what’s important to you and to pray over it, which can help guide your dating decisions. Having a list can be beneficial, including qualities like loving God, getting along with his family, attending church, being kind and friendly, and so on. It’s alarming how many Christians date individuals who do not share their faith, so including that quality on your list is certainly valid. However, problems can arise when the list becomes unrealistic (as discussed in Chapter One of our study). If you find yourself listing every fruit of the Spirit as something mandatory, along with strict standards about looks, height, weight, job, and income, it’s time to reconsider. You should allow for imperfections and practice grace.

When evaluating your list, try reversing the perspective. Ask yourself if you embody those characteristics. If not, it might be time to reassess your expectations. Compromise isn’t necessary, but it’s vital to be realistic and trust God’s plan. While physical attraction is important, we have found through years of leading a singles ministry that as friendships develop and you get to know someone on a deeper level, inner qualities start to enhance their outer attractiveness, highlighting what God is doing rather than just your personal desires.

Now, let’s discuss why you haven’t found anyone you want to be friends with. While your list may play a role, fear could also be a factor. Building a friendship with a guy doesn’t automatically mean it has to evolve into an Intentional Friendship™ or lead to dating. Jesus had friendships with women, yet He never dated any of them. God designs friendships and should be encouraged. If you view friendship as a means to contribute to God’s kingdom, it can shift your perspective. Look at friendship as an opportunity to practice relationships, support others, and make connections rather than feeling pressure to pursue every friendship as a potential pathway to marriage. Relax and enjoy building them.

Once you do form friendships, it’s natural for feelings to develop over time. When that happens, you’ll want to assess your realistic list, pray, and consider what God says about the situation. Entering into an Intentional Friendship™ doesn’t mean you will date or marry that person; it simply allows you to understand someone better while minimizing the risk of emotional hurt.

So, enjoy the journey of forming safe friendships, trust God's timing and direction, and focus on your personal growth. Remember, your future partner may also have their list.

Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday. —Psalm 37:4-6

Order your copy of Intentional Relationships for Single's 12-week Bible study to learn more. This study covers topics on why our relationships fail, identity, gender differences, boundaries, conflict, blind spots, friendship (in all our relationships—family, work, church, neighbors, friends) but also intentional friendship, including red, yellow, and green flags, intentional dating, and engagement.

© 2025 Kris Swiatocho Ministries; www.TheSinglesNetwork.org Ministries; www.IntentionalRelationshipSolutions.org

The Women in Christ's Life Series:

The Men in Christ Life Series:

Dear Kris...

Dear Kris: Where are the Men? (doc)
Dear Kris: Separation Issues/Church (pdf)
Dear Kris: Need Ideas CA (pdf)
Dear Kris: I Want to Quit (pdf)
Dear Kris: Starting a Women's Ministry (pdf)
Dear Kris: Online Dating/UK (pdf)

Jesus, Single Like Me Series:

A Fine Line Series:
For a full list of these articles, go to Crosswalk.com

Older printed publications:

Online Dating, Pros and Cons
Article Interview, Florida Baptist Witness, 2015

No Regular Joe
Lifeway Home Magazine, 2014

Vantage Point Article
Christian Single Magazine, Lifeway, 2006

Wisdom Article
Living Solo Magazine, 2003

Standing Up for Singles
Raleigh World, 2003

The Singles Network, Joining Forces To MInister to Singles
Christian Single Magazine, Lifeway, 2003

General Articles/Relationships

Hearts Desire by Kris Swiatocho
Do Bubbles Really Help by Kris Swiatocho
Do I Still Need a List by Kris Swiatocho and Dan Houk
Missionary Dating by Kris Swiatocho
What Does The Bible Say about Singleness by Kris Swiatocho
This is Your Side, This is Mine by Kris Swiatocho and Dan Houk
I Didn't See That Coming by Kris Swiatocho and Dan Houk
One Friendship to Avoid by Kris Swiatocho and Pastor Dan Houk
Are You Ready For It by Kris Swiatocho and Pastor Dan Houk
Put Up Your Dukes..Resolving Conflict: Step 4 of 4 by Kris Swiatocho and Pastor Dan Houk
Put Up Your Dukes...Resolving Conflict: Step 3 of 4 by Kris Swiatocho and Pastor Dan Houk
Put Up Your Dukes...Resolving Conflict: Step 2 of 4 by Kris Swiatocho and Pastor Dan Houk
Put Up Your Dukes...Resolving Conflict: Step 1 of 4 by Kris Swiatocho and Pastor Dan Houk
Can You Really Be Friends with the Opposite Sex by Kris Swiatocho and Pastor Dan Houk
4 Friendship Hacks by Kris Swiatocho and Dan Houk
Galentines? Guyentines? Really by Kris Swiatocho and Pastor Dan Houk
Are We Dating or What? by Kris Swiatocho and Pastor Dan Houk
Friendship Devotion by Kris Swiatocho/Linda Blachly
A Unique Identity by Kris Swiatocho
How Do I Please My Parents and Stay True to Myself by Kris Swiatocho
I Can't Forgive Myself by Kris Swiatocho
How to Handle a Breakup by Kris Swiatocho and Dan Houk
He Sort of Believes by Kris Swiatocho
God and My Finances by Kris Swiatocho
When Their Pasts Effects Your Present by Kris Swiatocho
I am Not Like My Mother by Kris Swiatocho
Rejection Unclear? by Kris Swiatocho and Dan Houk
A Light in the Darkness by Kris Swiatocho
Samaritan's Purse...A Single Thing to Do by Kris Swiatocho
Jesus, Single Like Me: He Was Grateful by Kris Swiatocho
Can Doctrinal Differences Make You Unequally Yoked by Kris Swiatocho and Dan Houk
Is it OK to Wait and Kiss On Your Wedding Day? by Kris Swiatocho
Pocketing by Kris Swiatocho
Online Dating, Excerpt, Intentional Relationships for Singles by Kris Swiatocho and Dan Houk
Handling Flirtation by Kris Swiatocho
107 Days to Go by Michelle Eigemann
Blind Spots, Excerpt, Intentional Relationships for Singles
We Got It All Wrong, Excerpt, Intentional Relationships for Singles
Why Relationships Fail, Excerpt, Intentional Relationships for Singles
Friendzone, Really?
Intentional Dating
Surviving the Holiday's with Pastor Tom Worstell
He's Got This
Dating During COVID
Should I Online Date?
Friendationship
"ALL" Series of Articles
Christmas Story
I Kissed Dating Hello
4 Kinds of Battles Single Encounter, Burmese Language
Do You Want to Be Married? (doc), Single Matters Magazine
Practical Tips in Online Dating
The Best Worse Date
Jesus, Single Like Me: Alone vs. Loneliness
Salt and Life in the Workplace
I Married My Mother, and Now I Want a Divorce, Single Matters Magazine
I Love/Hate About Being Single (includes Spanish)
Why Should I Reconcile When It's So Painful (doc), Crosswalk.com
Gossip versus Venting (doc), Journey Christian News
Restoration (doc), Journey Christian News
Why Am I Single? (doc)Journey Christian News
4 Battles of Singleness (pdf), Crosswalk Online Magazine
Friendationship: Can You Be More-Than-Friends but Less-Than-Romantic? (pdf), Crosswalk Online Magazine, Graceful Chic Magazine
Jesus, Single Like Me: He Knew What it Feels to Be Alone (pdf), Overwhelmed Single Mom's Magazine
Singles Life: The Worse and Best Dates (pdf), Crosswalk Online Magazine
Being Single and Making a Difference (pdf), Crosswalk Online Magazine
What I Love/Hate About Being Single (doc), Crosswalk Online Magazine
Why Are You Single (pdf), Crosswalk Online Magazine
I Married My Mother (pdf), Crosswalk Online Magazine

He Said, She Said Column Series: