Articles by Kris Swiatocho, Director The Singles Network Ministries

Articles by Kris Swiatocho, Director

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I Am Not Like My Mother!

The Storm: Matthew 14:22-33

Have you ever been compared to anyone in your life? Perhaps a parent, a grandparent, an aunt or uncle, or maybe even a sibling?

It's okay if you like who you are being compared to. I don't mind when people tell me I have long, beautiful fingers like my Grandma Bell, who I adored and miss, or I am creative like my mother (she is so talented). But when it's negative such as, "Your taste in things is so strange, Kris. You are just like your Polish grandmother Genny" (who no one cared for) or "You are so stubborn, just like your birth father" (who has been out of my life in 40 years), well, then it hurts.

So why do we get compared to others? Is it to compliment, hurt, or get us to change or grow, or do people just want something to say which means nothing? Well, no matter why people do it, it does affect us.

Some actions being compared are simply personality traits and, depending on whom you are being compared to, have little effect on you. The fact that my eccentric grandmother's taste may have had a negative impact on people does not in any way make me feel bad about myself as I like the fact that I don't have a house of furniture that looks like it all came from the same store where everyone else is shopping. But, when people (family) also compared my controlling behavior to hers, I decided I needed to change. I saw what her sin had done to her and her family over the years, and I did not want to be compared to her anymore.

Peter of the Bible has also been someone I have been compared to, not by others, but by myself. Sure, people have teased me over the years about Peter being known as the mouth and how similar we are in that area. My tongue has encouraged people and also hurt people. But I personally have compared myself to Peter because I have experienced some of the same things he has. I relate to his zeal for drawing closer to Christ, his desire to serve him, his desire to make things right and motivate people, and his desire to be an example to others. Those around Peter would see not only his successes but also his failures. And through these experiences, they would, in turn, learn and grow. This is my heart, to allow others to see me draw closer to God, not to hurt them but to encourage them to do the same.

What I Have Learned from Peter:
1. Jesus allowed Peter (and us) to get into situations that seemed hopeless.
Peter and the disciples were lost in the sea. Their boat was directionless, adrift, and at the mercy of the storm. Sometimes God allows us to fall into situations that seem directionless. Situations that scare us. He does this because he wants us to choose him over our situation. To trust in him and not ourselves.

Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, but the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against It (Matthew 14:24).

2. Peter knew Jesus' voice brought safety.
Like the other disciples, Peter knew Jesus' voice because he spent time with him. To grow as a Christian, we must hear, listen and know Jesus' voice. How will we ever grow or understand God's direction if we don't recognize his voice?

At first, Peter and the other disciples were afraid of the storm. On top of that, they saw Jesus walking on water, and he appeared like a ghost. Wouldn't you think the same way? But when Jesus spoke, they became calm, trusting in who He is, trusting in their safety. Sometimes in the midst of the storm, we need to be calm enough to hear his voice. Only his presence will calm us.

During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid" (Matthew 14:25-27

3. Peter followed Jesus, even when it led him into a storm.
Sometimes we have to make choices to do what God wants us to do, even when we know it will be hard. Maybe we have to break up with someone, dissolve a friendship, move to a new city, or change jobs. We might have to confront someone who has hurt us or face a life-threatening disease. No matter what God has allowed happening, he reminds us that he is with us in and through the storm. Going through a storm and trusting the Lord makes us stronger. It also helps us witness to others as they watch us go through it.

"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water." "Come," he said (Matthew 14:28-29).

4. Peter used his assertiveness (mouth) for good.
I love Peter because I do see myself being just like him. Hey, Jesus, I want to walk on water, too. I mean, if Jesus can do it, and I have His power in me, I should be able to do it, too. Right? Yo, Jesus!

Being assertive can be used to bring glory to God because we are willing to step out of our comfort zone. We are willing to say something when no one else will. God gave some of us the gift of assertiveness to be used to bring others to Christ. Maybe God has called you to speak up for your rights as a citizen, or for the protection of those you love, support a cause, or maybe what you believe as a Christian. Use your gift of gab for the right reasons.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer (Psalm 19:14).

5. Peter trusted and believed what Jesus said.
We have all heard a hundred sermons on Peter getting out of the boat. Of how at least he did get out when others didn't. But there is so much more here than Peter getting out of the boat. Peter believed he would be safe because he trusted the Lord. You can't build trust in Jesus without spending time with him, just like you can't trust people without spending time with them. Peter didn't have to doubt; he knew who Jesus was. Do you spend enough time with Jesus to trust him in all things? Can't you just see Peter so excited? I would be like, woohoo; I get to walk on water in this storm, just like Jesus.

"Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus (Matthew 14:29).

6. Peter didn't bring the boat with him (no baggage or safety rope).
Peter stepped out of the boat alone, trusting in Jesus only. Peter didn't bring the boat with him. He jumped in the water, knowing he didn't need the boat. Well, this is where I am different than Peter. Sure, like Peter, I have jumped out of the boat, willing to get out of my comfort zone, but I tend to bring the boat along for the walk. Just in case this doesn't work out the way I want it to, I have the boat with me. I can always go back to what is safe, secure, and what I know.

God's Word says you can't be in between; you can't ride the fence. There is no such thing as a lukewarm Christian. You are either for him or against him. You need to get out of the boat or stay in it. I am thankful for God's grace as I try to make the right decisions.

So, because you are lukewarm, neither hot nor cold, I am about to spit you out of my mouth (Revelation 3:16).

7. Peter took his eyes off Jesus, just like I do.
Peter, as we know, took his eyes off of Jesus, started to notice the storm around him, and began to sink. The more he felt defeat, the more defeated he became. Don't we all do this? I mean to follow the Lord in everything, but sometimes I don't trust him enough. Or, I am afraid of what trusting him will look like. Jesus might take me to a place I have never been, and that frightens me. Why can't we realize that any place with Jesus is better than without him?

But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" (Matthew 14:30).

8. Peter knew what to do when we fall into sin.
Peter had taken his eyes off Jesus. Peter allowed his circumstances to draw more attention than what Jesus offered. He allowed fear to creep in, hopelessness, and despair. We can all be like Peter at one time or another. Our life situations can be so hard to deal with. Without a deep relationship with God, it's easy to give in to the power of our circumstances over the power of the Lord. Peter had learned from the Lord, though. As soon as he realized he couldn't save himself (or, in my case, I couldn't fix it myself; I wouldn't have time to swim back to the boat or ask my friends for help), Peter yelled out to God to save him. He had learned from the past, from spending time with Jesus, that Jesus was the answer in all situations. He knew Jesus was the only one who could save him. Are you still looking around to others to save you when only Christ can save you? (Click here to read more about salvation.)

Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always (1 Chronicles 16:11).

9. Jesus reminded Peter, like he does with all of us, that we need not to doubt.
Jesus gives us clear direction: seek ME first. Keep your eyes on the Lord. This is the only way to know that God is in control; otherwise, we are in control (well, we think we are). If God is in control and wants the best for us, we should not fear, even in the middle of the storm. What is also great here is that Jesus did remind Peter. Jesus knows our weaknesses. He is ready to remind us daily as we seek him.
Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" (Matthew 14:31).

10. Sometimes, Jesus doesn't stop the storm. Like Peter, he is there to walk in it and through it with us.
Peter taught me just because Jesus is with me doesn't mean the storm stops. Jesus would grab Peter and save him, and they would both walk back to the boat (during the storm). Isn't this cool? Jesus is telling us all that we HAVE to go through storms. Pain is part of this life—fear, frustration, the unknown—but the difference is HE IS WITH US. Just because we yell out to God doesn't mean the junk we are going through stops. It just means we aren't alone in going through it. So know this. How should we handle life storms? How should we handle our stress, frustration, aggravations, and disappointments?

And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down (Matthew 14:32).

11. Peter was a witness to others.
Peter's friends (other disciples) and maybe even some on the shore saw what Peter did. They witnessed him speaking to Jesus, stepping out, and falling. They also witnessed what he did next. Peter showed them that even when we fail, we can quickly ask for forgiveness by putting our focus back on the Lord and being right with God again.

Too many times in my life, I have been Peter in the storm, but instead of going to God with all things, I go to friends or family first. Understand me; we need our friends and family to help us. God does speak through them. My point is that I would go to them first versus God. If Peter had yelled out to his friends first, would they have been able to help him? Could they have thrown a rope fast enough? What if one of the guys jumped in to help Peter? With such a storm, they might have both drowned. The bottom line, Peter chose what God wants: us to choose him.

Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God" (Matthew 14:33).

Peter may sometimes be referred to as the one with the mouth, the one who didn't trust the Lord (Matthew 26:34), and the one who took his eyes off of Jesus. But he was also the one who has inspired millions of people to step out of their comfort zones, speak up when others say nothing, and be willing to let others see his failure and see his success.

So, who are you compared to? Who would you like to be compared to?

Jesus, I pray that each one who has read this article would choose to be compared to you. Each day, as you mold us, we would become more and more like you. Thank you, Lord, for your unconditional love. For your grace. For your sovereignty. Amen

The Women in Christ's Life Series:

The Men in Christ Life Series:

Dear Kris...

Dear Kris: Where are the Men? (doc)
Dear Kris: Separation Issues/Church (pdf)
Dear Kris: Need Ideas CA (pdf)
Dear Kris: I Want to Quit (pdf)
Dear Kris: Starting a Women's Ministry (pdf)
Dear Kris: Online Dating/UK (pdf)

Jesus, Single Like Me Series:

A Fine Line Series:
For a full list of these articles, go to Crosswalk.com

Older printed publications:

Online Dating, Pros and Cons
Article Interview, Florida Baptist Witness, 2015

No Regular Joe
Lifeway Home Magazine, 2014

Vantage Point Article
Christian Single Magazine, Lifeway, 2006

Wisdom Article
Living Solo Magazine, 2003

Standing Up for Singles
Raleigh World, 2003

The Singles Network, Joining Forces To MInister to Singles
Christian Single Magazine, Lifeway, 2003

General Articles/Relationships

I am Not Like My Mother by Kris Swiatocho
Rejection Unclear? by Kris Swiatocho and Dan Houk
A Light in the Darkness by Kris Swiatocho
Samaritan's Purse...A Single Thing to Do by Kris Swiatocho
Jesus, Single Like Me: He Was Grateful by Kris Swiatocho
Can Doctrinal Differences Make You Unequally Yoked by Kris Swiatocho and Dan Houk
Is it OK to Wait and Kiss On Your Wedding Day? by Kris Swiatocho
Pocketing by Kris Swiatocho
Online Dating, Excerpt, Intentional Relationships for Singles by Kris Swiatocho and Dan Houk
Handling Flirtation by Kris Swiatocho
107 Days to Go by Michelle Eigemann
Blind Spots, Excerpt, Intentional Relationships for Singles
We Got It All Wrong, Excerpt, Intentional Relationships for Singles
Why Relationships Fail, Excerpt, Intentional Relationships for Singles
Friendzone, Really?
Intentional Dating
Surviving the Holiday's with Pastor Tom Worstell
He's Got This
Dating During COVID
Should I Online Date?
Friendationship
"ALL" Series of Articles
Christmas Story
I Kissed Dating Hello
4 Kinds of Battles Single Encounter, Burmese Language
Do You Want to Be Married? (doc), Single Matters Magazine
Practical Tips in Online Dating
The Best Worse Date
Jesus, Single Like Me: Alone vs. Loneliness
Salt and Life in the Workplace
I Married My Mother, and Now I Want a Divorce, Single Matters Magazine
I Love/Hate About Being Single (includes Spanish)
Why Should I Reconcile When It's So Painful (doc), Crosswalk.com
Gossip versus Venting (doc), Journey Christian News
Restoration (doc), Journey Christian News
Why Am I Single? (doc)Journey Christian News
4 Battles of Singleness (pdf), Crosswalk Online Magazine
Friendationship: Can You Be More-Than-Friends but Less-Than-Romantic? (pdf), Crosswalk Online Magazine, Graceful Chic Magazine
Jesus, Single Like Me: He Knew What it Feels to Be Alone (pdf), Overwhelmed Single Mom's Magazine
Singles Life: The Worse and Best Dates (pdf), Crosswalk Online Magazine
Being Single and Making a Difference (pdf), Crosswalk Online Magazine
What I Love/Hate About Being Single (doc), Crosswalk Online Magazine
Why Are You Single (pdf), Crosswalk Online Magazine
I Married My Mother (pdf), Crosswalk Online Magazine

He Said, She Said Column Series: