Articles by Kris Swiatocho, Director The Singles Network Ministries

Articles by Kris Swiatocho, Director

Why Should I Reconcile When It's So Painful by Kris Swiatocho

It was a very cold night this past November when the phone rang. It was one of my brothers calling. This had become routine, as he was going through some life changes. He would call my mom almost nightly to talk, to share, and to ask for prayer. Then the one night came when he said he was coming home. Home? It had been four years since my one brother had been home - really, since my dad died. Whether he stayed away to deal with the emotional pain of our dad’s death, or because he was tied up with many responsibilities of work and family, or even something else, it didn’t matter. He was coming home, and my mom was so excited. We worked especially hard cleaning and getting the house perfectly decorated. He would be spending four days with us before the rest of the family came. He needed this personal time.
After we walked the classic trip down memory lane (laughing, eating and shopping) my brother told us the main reason he had come home. He needed reconciliation. Not only with God, but also with each of his family members. Over the last several months, he had reconnected with the Lord in a way that broke the yoke of pain, desire for personal control, the inability to forgive, and anger. He didn’t know why he had not come home in so long, and he was sorry.

He was ready to start over and to be healed. He wanted the future to be different.

Reconciling The Past
The one thing I can be sure about, is that estranged relationships marred by sin, betrayal, abuse, abandonment, and lack of forgiveness will not only keep us in the past, but will also affect all future relationships. It can lead to anger, hurt, resentment and separation.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. -John 10: 10

So why don't people seek reconciliation, considering how much it can help us?

Ignorance. We didn’t know there was truly a problem. We didn’t know we had hurt someone. We didn’t know that unresolved abuse or pain needs to be dwelt with.

Pride. We have a tendency to think the other person is always at fault. As a result, no one wants to make the first step. No one seeks to reconcile, so no one heals.

Fear. We think, what if they don’t forgive me? What if I can’t forgive them? What if they reject or laugh at me? What if they don’t even remember what happened?

Laziness. Reconciliation takes effort: If the relationship is worth having, it’s work fixing, even if the reconciliation is for closure only.

Avoidance. We want to avoid digging up all the pain again. But sometimes we need a wound cleaned out so it can properly heal.

Death. If the person has died, we can still acknowledge the relationship by asking God for his help, and his forgiveness as needed. We can also go the family of the dead person to seek reconciliation.

There are so many reasons to seek reconciliation with others.

One is a need for closure. So many of us dwell in past pain inflicted by someone else (or in some cases, for pain we caused, and the guilt with which we now live). Making an effort to reconcile will bring the pain to the light where healing can begin. Sometimes we need to tell someone something like “I forgive you" or "I'm sorry" so we can move on.

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. -Matthew 18:21-22.

Another need is that of rebuilding relationship. We have no idea why God puts certain people in our lives. Taking the time to reconcile for rebuilding could change your life forever.

Then Joseph said to his brothers, "Come close to me." When they had done so, he said, "I am your brother Joseph, the one you sold into Egypt! And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you"-Genesis 45:4-5

Remember, before you can truly reconcile your past, you must first reconcile with Christ. Then as you seek God, he will give you what you need to reconcile your relationships. He will give you his power, his Spirit to help you. And remember, it takes time.

For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! -Romans 5:10

It was a great week with my brother. As he was packing up to go he saw a digital picture frame I had in the den. The pictures were of my dad and his last year on earth. Pictures of his anniversary, his birthday, and his last days with family. My brother turned to me and said, "I never saw those pictures before. I missed out somehow because I wasn’t here."

That is why I made pictures, I said. And you know what, you are here now, and that's what matters.

For more information on Kris Swiatocho, go to www.KrisSwiatochoMinistries.org or www.TheSinglesNetwork.org

General Articles/Dating

Dating During COVID
Should I Online Date?
Friendationship
"ALL" Series of Articles
Christmas Story
I Kissed Dating Hello
4 Kinds of Battles Single Encounter, Burmese Language
Do You Want to Be Married? (doc), Single Matters Magazine
Practical Tips in Online Dating
The Best Worse Date
Jesus, Single Like Me: Alone vs. Loneliness
Salt and Life in the Workplace
I Married My Mother, and Now I Want a Divorce, Single Matters Magazine
I Love/Hate About Being Single (includes spanish)
Why Should I Reconcile When It's So Painful (doc), Crosswalk.com
Gossip versus Venting (doc), Journey Christian News
Restoration (doc), Journey Christian News
Why Am I Single? (doc)Journey Christian News
4 Battles of Singleness (pdf), Crosswalk Online Magazine
Friendationship: Can You Be More-Than-Friends but Less-Than-Romantic? (pdf), Crosswalk Online Magazine, Graceful Chic Magazine
Jesus, Single Like Me: He Knew What it Feels to Be Alone (pdf), Overwhelmed Single Mom's Magazine
Singles Life: The Worse and Best Dates (pdf), Crosswalk Online Magazine
Being Single and Making a Difference (pdf), Crosswalk Online Magazine
What I Love/Hate About Being Single (doc), Crosswalk Online Magazine
Why Are You Single (pdf), Crosswalk Online Magazine
I Married My Mother (pdf), Crosswalk Online Magazine

The Women in Christ's Life Series:

The Men in Christ Life Series:

Dear Kris...

Dear Kris: Where are the Men? (doc)
Dear Kris: Separation Issues/Church (pdf)
Dear Kris: Need Ideas CA (pdf)
Dear Kris: I Want to Quit (pdf)
Dear Kris: Starting a Women's Ministry (pdf)
Dear Kris: Online Dating/UK (pdf)

Jesus, Single Like Me Series:

A Fine Line Series:
For a full list of these articles, go to Crosswalk.com

Older printed publications:

Online Dating, Pros and Cons
Article Interview, Florida Baptist Witness, 2015

No Regular Joe
Lifeway Home Magazine, 2014

Vantage Point Article
Christian Single Magazine, Lifeway, 2006

Wisdom Article
Living Solo Magazine, 2003

Standing Up for Singles
Raleigh World, 2003

The Singles Network, Joining Forces To MInister to Singles
Christian Single Magazine, Lifeway, 2003

I first met Kris Swiatocho with The Singles Network Ministries about 3 1/2 years ago when she came to speak at my church. I was fairly new to the church and the Singles Ministry. Since then, I have had the opportunity to hear Kris speak to our Women’s Ministry, Singles Ministry, at a retreat and on two cruises. Kris has a way of sharing God’s Word in a practical way. She is a wonderful example of the boldness we should seek in Christ. I lead groups using her studies as well as the 4th Sunday “Pray for a Mate” time. I have found the studies to be thought provoking for great discussions in my groups as well as personal growth.
—Quaye Berry, Singles Ministry Leader, Tulsa, OK