Articles: Building your Singles Ministry by Kris Swiatocho, Director

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Why Do Leaders Fail by Kris Swiatocho

• Ego: It’s all about them; major pride issues; can’t admit when they are wrong.
Proverbs 11:2 When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.
                     
• No vision for the future: Maybe they have been leading so long that they have forgotten why they do it. They have lost their passion and vision of why they are in ministry. How do you lead others to do it if you don’t know why you are doing it?
 
• Inability to delegate: They either don’t know how to do this or are afraid the person they give it to will fail. The reality is some will fail, and some will succeed. This is where being a leader is critical. You have to mentor/disciple them in such a way as to help them learn but also allow them to make mistakes. You need to delegate smaller pieces at a time.  
         
• Hurting leaders who won’t ask for help: Leaders have family and personal problems too. Often a leader feels they have to be the strong one to set an example. Sometimes the greatest example is someone who says they are hurting and need help. My only caution is what kind of help you need…what is your struggle.  If you struggle with a drug, sex, or gambling issue, you may need to step down as a leader/pastor. However, if it’s a struggle with a family member, work, depression, etc., allowing your singles to know you need prayer and some help while you work on things is great.  
 
James 1: 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.
 
A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way and shows the way. —John Maxwell
 
• Critical of others: If you are constantly being negative or your team members of others, this will break down relationships.    
         
• Lack of training: This has to be one of the biggest reasons why singles ministry fails. Maybe you have not been adequately trained or know how to teach others. Before you start a ministry, be sure to get some training by taking a class/webinar, reading a book by someone like John Maxwell, getting mentored, etc. Also, serving on another person’s team teaches as much as possible so you can, in turn, teach what you have learned.    
 
• Allow unhealthy people to dominate the ministry: There will be unhealthy people in all ministries. Jesus says the poor will always be with us. You can’t allow unhealthy, unwillingness to grow or change singles to dominate your ministry. If you don’t continue to grow folks to be healthy adults, the unhealthy will take over. Eventually, your ministry will stagnate and not grow. 
 
• Not teachable: Being teachable has to start with you as a leader. If you can’t see your failures, your own mistakes, and admit them, then how can you lead others?                                        

Note: The enemy will hate that you are building ministry. Remember John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. Be aware and prepared for these attacks.

Leadership Snippit

For a long list of leadership resources by Kris  Swiatocho and other authors, click here. 

Leaders That Last Curriculum

• Leaders that Last is 6 weeks, 6 topics Curriculum: 
The first 3 weeks that are inward focus towards personal development and last 3 weeks that are outward focus towards building and unifying the team.

• Leaders that Last Curriculum includes:
 A trainers guide with additional questions, icebreaker ideas, small group discussion, and weekly assignments, etc. plus participants outline.

• Leaders that Last Curriculum is a:
Microsoft word document so you can alter to fit your specific group whether young adult, single adult or single parent, divorced or widowed.

WEEKLY TOPICS:
Week 1: Who You Are in Christ
Week 2: Affirming Your Calling as a Leader
Week 3: Spiritual Warfare
Week 4: Mentoring/Finding others with a Similar Calling
Week 5: Building the Team
Week 6: Caring for the Team.

Week 1: Who Am I?
Description: Everything starts and ends with a great team but a team starts with a great leader. A great leader should know who they are in Christ first in order to lead others. This leader also should have a personal, growing relationship with Christ. This lesson will focus on your identity, your personal growth in your faith, and your walk with the Lord.
 
Week 2: Who Ya Going to Call?
Description: Learning and affirming your calling to be a leader. Most maturing Christians are serving the Lord but often in the wrong area, this lesson will help you focus on the right area God is calling you into.
 
Week 3: The Devil Made Me Do It!
Description: This lesson focuses on how to recognize the enemy’s attacks on you, your team, and your ministry, and what to do when it does happen.

Week 4: Making Copies!
Description: This lesson focuses on the importance of recognizing potential leaders by starting with those who are voluntold versus volunteers.

Week 5: There’s No “I” in Team
Description: Everything falls and rises on leadership. Without a great team that is unified in the path to reach the goals God has put in place, leadership will fail. This lesson will focus on how to build a team that builds the ministry.
 
Week 6: Are You a Care Bear?
Description: This lesson focuses on how to keep our team, our leaders, and, ultimately, our ministry going and growing.
Kris holds a singles retreat every September up in the mountains and I’ve attended the last 4 years. The 3rd year, Sept 2018 I came for the leadership portion of the meeting and was inspired by the teaching, many years of experience working with singles, messages shared, stories from other church leaders and resources galore at the meeting and on the website. I left that weekend fired up and it sparked me to start a singles focused bible study at our church which has been running a year now and doing great... I have so many stories I could share... many new visitors/members... connecting with singles in the church that weren’t plugged in.. networking with other Christian groups and churches... things just continue to spiral... we held a singles NYE celebration a few weeks ago. The owner of The Barn Dance (non-alcoholic club) that some of us go to often came. His club was only open on sat night BUT... he was inspired by the number we had at our dance and the amazing community... he had no idea that singles have that much of a need/want to be together. SO tonight he hosted his first Christian Singles Dance Party at The Barn Dance and it was a big hit. Planning to do a monthly dance there... opening with prayer and ending with praise songs and prayer. I can’t wait to see what God has for us in 2020. Also very excited about this years Singles Retreat! Find info on thesinglesnetwork.org and come join us Thanks Kris for all you do... for your heart for God and singles.
—Lisa Young, Lawndale Baptist Church, Greensboro, NC
About Pray for a Mate™...In my 25 years of ministering to single adults, I have found one major thing common to 99.9% of them—the desire to be married or married again. From conferences to retreats, articles and interviews, the subject continuously comes up.

I hear questions like:
“Do you think I am meant to be married?”
“Is there such a thing as ‘the one’?”
“Why hasn’t God brought me the man/woman of my dreams?”
As with all of these questions, I can only send them to the one source who knows the answers and that is Jesus Christ. But saying this doesn’t always communicate to an action or a direction.

​Okay, so you go to the Lord but then what? Well, they would say they have gone to the Lord but what I found was they would gripe, cry and fuss at Him. Few were serious in their purpose when it came to praying. Few were serious when it came to listening and as a result, changing. 
 
THE CHURCH AND SINGLENESS
For the last two decades, I and many of my fellow ministers to singles have seen the decline of the church’s efforts to minister to single adults. While the singles population is now over 52 percent in the United States, with most being never-marrieds, churches are not making the effort to the reach us. The focus more than ever seems to be on the family. 
 
But what churches don’t understand is the family starts with two single adults. If the church would spend time reaching singles, helping them in their identity in Christ, in their personal growth and developing healthy friendships, as well as by offering Bible studies and counseling for marriage, then the greater success of our future marriages and families will be. 

We can’t keep hiding behind youth programs and a pro-family focus and hope healthy marriages will just happen. The church needs to help single adults meet each other in a healthy way, directing them toward godly friendships and teaching them the principles of courtship and marriage preparation. Otherwise, they will find other ways to find a spouse, often outside the church and, possibly, with someone who isn’t a believer.

Although not all single adults will get married, many due to their own fears and issues, I do believe in marriage and I believe God still brings people together. With that in mind, I have been praying for a solution to bring singles ministry back into the church.

Singles ministry in general takes a lot of work. You have to build a team of leaders, offer training, meet regularly, plan, pray, and do. Because of the work involved and due to so many pastors being fearful that members might “hook-up,” churches have stopped having a singles ministry.

Also, we are still seeing more women than men in church. As a result, most singles ministries are started by women. Unfortunately, groups led solely by women only grow other women. The team has to include men. Without this pairing of the sexes, your ministry will often fail. In addition, we are seeing a lot of singles ministries focused on social events rather than on teaching the Word of God.

Another problem comes when leaders who don’t find a team to share the responsibilities with gets burned out, resulting in a failed ministry.
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So, what do we do? How do we bring a singles ministry back into the church and have it be successful? And how can we do it if we are limited in finding men to help? What about resources and support? 
 
SOLUTION: Pray for a Mate™
While spending time in the United Kingdom doing ministry, I came upon a wonderful lady who shared with me something amazing. She had gone to her pastor and asked about doing a singles ministry at her church. Again, due to past experiences of what singles ministries could become, he said no. She then prayed and went back and asked if she could have a “prayer group for those who wanted to be married.” (Remember, 99.9 percent of all singles want to be married—maybe not this minute but eventually). She didn’t say anything about singles or ministry, but she did use two key words that most churches care about: marriage and prayer. They agreed and even offered her the space to meet.

She quickly gathered her team of friends—some married and some single—and they started meeting to pray, not sure what God would do. That small group turned into a larger one and before long they were meeting each month. From the start they only allowed women to come as they had enough men. They also created a structure that appealed mainly to serious prayer warriors.

The results were amazing. They saw lives changed, individuals found healing, some developed amazing friendships and others even got married. It’s now been over year and they are up to eighty men and eighty women. And it hit me—with a few slight changes, this could work in the U.S.

I realize not all singles would want to come to church to pray for a mate. Some might even get upset if this was the only activity their church offered singles. But if a church only has this, it’s still better than nothing. This program has the potential to lead to something. It’s certainly worth trying and making the investment. And the result? Healthier people who become healthier followers of Christ. 

How to get started!​​
​1. Go to our contact page  and fill out the registration form.
3. Once we receive your registration, you will be given a password to access the other pages where you will learn how Pray for a Mate™ works including the structure and the prayer themes.