Articles: Building your Singles Ministry by Kris Swiatocho, Director

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The Upside-Down Leader: Greatness Through Service

by Kris Swiatocho, Director, The Singles Network Ministries
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When you think about someone being a great leader, most imagine someone strong, confident, and driven—someone who isn’t afraid, who steps up, takes charge, and stays in control. But in God’s word, Jesus completely changes that idea, showing us that true leadership in God’s Kingdom isn’t about power or position, but about humility, service, and sacrifice; it’s not about being in control but being surrendered, not about being served but serving others, and not about lifting yourself up but lifting others.

In Matthew 20:20–28, we witness a significant moment that highlights a common misunderstanding about leadership. The mother of James and John approaches Jesus confidently with a request: that her sons sit at His right and left in His kingdom—positions representing honor, influence, and authority. The other disciples become upset, not because the request was wrong, but because they also wanted those positions.

Jesus uses this moment to redefine leadership in the Kingdom of God.
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1. Leadership Is Not About Position—It’s About Purpose
The world teaches that leadership is about climbing higher, gaining recognition, and securing influence. Titles, platforms, and visibility become the goal. As a child, I was reminded repeatedly to strive for these qualities. But Jesus challenges this mindset.
Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them.  Not so with you.— Matthew 20:25

In God’s Kingdom, leadership isn't about raising yourself—it’s about fulfilling God’s purpose for others.
A leader’s question is not, “How high can I go?” but “How can I help others grow?”

2. Greatness Is Measured by Service
Jesus makes one of the most countercultural statements in Scripture: Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant…— Matthew 20:26

Greatness in leadership is not measured by:
  • How many people do you serve?
  • How much authority do you have?
  • How visible is your role?
It is measured by how willing you are to serve others—especially when no one sees it.

In ministry, this means:
  • Showing up consistently
  • Listening with compassion
  • Meeting practical needs
  • Walking alongside people through their struggles

Service is not a step to leadership—it is leadership.

Note: When I train leaders, I use the acronym F.A.T.S.—I’m looking for leaders who are Faithful, Available, Teachable, and have a Servant’s heart. They don’t have to be perfect or have it all together from the start, but they must be willing.

Faithfulness shows up consistently; availability makes room for God to use them; teachability keeps their hearts soft and growing; and a servant’s heart reflects Christ in how they lead others. You may not find all of these qualities fully developed at once, but over time, as leaders surrender to God, He shapes them into all four.

3. Humility Is the Foundation of Influence
Jesus goes even further:
…and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— Matthew 20:27

This kind of humility is not weakness—it’s strength kept in check.

True leaders:
  • Don’t seek recognition
  • Don’t compete for status
  • Don’t compare yourself to others

Instead, they trust God to place them where they need to be. Humility creates trust. And trust is the currency of leadership.

4. Leadership Requires Sacrifice
Jesus not only teaches this principle—He exemplifies it.… just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.— Matthew 20:28

Biblical leadership always involves sacrifice.
It may look like:
  • Giving your time when you’re tired
  • Carrying others’ burdens in prayer
  • Choosing people over convenience
  • Staying faithful when results are slow

Leadership that costs nothing achieves little. Leadership that reflects Christ requires sacrifice—but transforms everything.

5. The Heart Behind Leadership Matters Most
The disciples concentrated on where they would sit. Jesus concentrated on who they would become. God is far more concerned with the condition of our hearts than the position of our leadership.

You can:
  • Have the right title but the wrong spirit
  • Build a large ministry and still miss God’s heart
  • Lead people without loving them

But when your heart aligns with Christ—through service, humility, and sacrifice—your leadership will reflect Him.
The greatest leaders are not those who sit at the head of the table—but those willing to wash the feet of others.

Are you leading to be seen… or leading to serve?

Revamping/Restarting Your Single Adult Ministry

by Kris Swiatocho, Director of The Singles Network Ministries
Singles ministry is not only challenging to start, but requires continual commitment to sustain and grow. It calls for leaders and volunteers who are truly called by God, equipped with vision, fueled by passion, and strengthened by steadfast faith. Above all, it must be guided by the Holy Spirit's leadership and wisdom. Though seasons of difficulty will come, the singles ministry remains one of the most rewarding callings, often marked by profound blessings, life change, and eternal impact.

“Let us not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” – Galatians 6:9

“Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain.” – Psalm 127:1
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“Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us.” – Ephesians 3:20

If you find yourself struggling — numbers declining, participation decreasing, and energy fading — do not lose heart. These seasons are more common than you think and often become the very moments God uses to renew vision and strengthen ministry. A slowdown is not the end; it can be the beginning of something healthier and stronger. Here are practical, field-tested strategies to help you revamp, refocus, and restart your singles ministry.

Diagnose Before You Revamp
Before changing everything, identify why the numbers dropped.
Ask:
• Did leadership change?
• Did the group age out?
• Did meetings become predictable/boring?
• Did life stages shift (marriages, relocations, burnout)?
• Is the ministry solving real problems singles face today?

Simple tools:
• Anonymous survey
• Informal coffee conversations
• Honest leader debriefs
Often, the issue is not a lack of singles but a lack of perceived value.

Rebuild Around Needs, Not Activities
Singles rarely stay because of events alone. While events are fun, they do not build a ministry.
They stay because the ministry helps them with:
• Being alone/belonging
• Dating & relationships
• Faith struggles
• Friendships
• Purpose/calling
• Healing/divorce recovery/grief recovery
• Parenting (single parents)
Instead of asking: “What events should we plan?” Ask: “What problems are we helping singles solve?”

Fresh Vision = Fresh Energy
A restart needs a clear relaunch message.
Example: “We’re not just restarting meetings — we’re rebuilding a community.”
Communicate:
• Who this ministry is for
• What makes it different
• What singles gain by attending
• Why now matters
People rally around vision, not schedules.

Change the Format (Huge Impact)
Many ministries decline because gatherings feel repetitive.
Try variations:
• Social + short teaching instead of a long teaching
• Panel/group discussions that are fun, interactive
• Testimony nights
• Interactive workshops
• Topic-driven series (dating, finances, boundaries, purpose)
• Hybrid gatherings (coffeehouse, homes, outdoors)

Lower the Entry Barrier
If attending feels intimidating, people avoid it.
Improve approachability:
• Greeters/connectors
• No awkward forced icebreakers
• Casual atmosphere
• First timer-friendly language
• Avoid insider church jargon
Note: Also be aware of the men/women ratio. Get more men involved, even in the smallest of tasks (and up front). Create activities men enjoy.

Evaluate Segmentation
Take some time to evaluate whether you have segmented your group too much by life stage and/or age. While there are times we do need to separate, there is more value in coming together.

While targeted gatherings help, too much division kills momentum.
Healthy model:
• One strong core community
• Occasional life-stage breakouts

Build Community Outside Meetings
Attendance grows when relationships grow.
Encourage:
• Small hangouts (encourage folks to build friendships and do things together, outside your ministry)
• Interest groups (hiking, food, game nights, service)
• Volunteer teams
• Group chats / online community
Singles return where they feel known, not entertained.

Prioritize Invitation Culture
Most singles attend because someone invited them.
Train attendees/other leaders/volunteers:
• How to invite naturally
• How to welcome guests
• How to talk about the ministry without sounding salesy
Growth is relational, not promotional.

Refresh Leadership Structure
Burned-out or overstretched leaders = declining ministry.
Consider:
• Leadership teams vs solo leader
• Rotating responsibilities
• New voices / younger leaders
• Clear roles
Energy is contagious.

Address Hidden Killers
Common decline drivers:
• Ministry feels like a dating club only
• Ministry feels anti-dating
• Cliques/insiders
• Negativity/unresolved drama
• Overly spiritualized or overly social imbalance
• Unhealthy singles who do not change or want to get healthy
• Singles with the wrong reasons to be in your ministry
• Dominating and/or controlling leaders
• Lack of purpose

Aim for:
• Spiritual depth
• Emotional safety
• Social warmth
• Practical relevance

Relaunch Strategy (Very Effective)
Treat it like a fresh start.
Example plan:

Phase 1 – Reset
• Vision casting
• Leadership alignment (allow folks to step down or change roles; adjust the roles (reducing or eliminating some of the work or expectations)
• Format refresh

Phase 2 – Soft Build
• Invite key connectors
• Small gatherings
• Momentum building

Phase 3 – Relaunch Night
• High-energy gathering
• Clear messaging
• Welcoming culture
• Strong first impression

Reframe Success Metrics
If leaders obsess over numbers, discouragement follows.
Measure also:
• Depth of relationships
• Spiritual growth
• Retention rate
• Engagement level
• Leadership development
Healthy ministries grow sustainably.
 
Big Picture Truth
Most declining singles ministries are not failing…
They’re simply:
• Outdated
• Predictable
• Misaligned with real needs
• Structurally tired
• Stuck in what used to work
Revival usually comes through fresh vision, fresh experience, and fresh relationships.

Leadership Articles and Resources

Additional resources by Kris and other authors, click here.

Leaders That Last Curriculum

• Leaders that Last is 6 weeks, 6 topics Curriculum: 
The first 3 weeks that are inward focus towards personal development and last 3 weeks that are outward focus towards building and unifying the team.

• Leaders that Last Curriculum includes:
 A trainers guide with additional questions, icebreaker ideas, small group discussion, and weekly assignments, etc. plus participants outline.

• Leaders that Last Curriculum is a:
Microsoft word document so you can alter to fit your specific group whether young adult, single adult or single parent, divorced or widowed.

WEEKLY TOPICS:
Week 1: Who You Are in Christ
Week 2: Affirming Your Calling as a Leader
Week 3: Spiritual Warfare
Week 4: Mentoring/Finding others with a Similar Calling
Week 5: Building the Team
Week 6: Caring for the Team.

Week 1: Who Am I?
Description: Everything starts and ends with a great team but a team starts with a great leader. A great leader should know who they are in Christ first in order to lead others. This leader also should have a personal, growing relationship with Christ. This lesson will focus on your identity, your personal growth in your faith, and your walk with the Lord.
 
Week 2: Who Ya Going to Call?
Description: Learning and affirming your calling to be a leader. Most maturing Christians are serving the Lord but often in the wrong area, this lesson will help you focus on the right area God is calling you into.
 
Week 3: The Devil Made Me Do It!
Description: This lesson focuses on how to recognize the enemy’s attacks on you, your team, and your ministry, and what to do when it does happen.

Week 4: Making Copies!
Description: This lesson focuses on the importance of recognizing potential leaders by starting with those who are voluntold versus volunteers.

Week 5: There’s No “I” in Team
Description: Everything falls and rises on leadership. Without a great team that is unified in the path to reach the goals God has put in place, leadership will fail. This lesson will focus on how to build a team that builds the ministry.
 
Week 6: Are You a Care Bear?
Description: This lesson focuses on how to keep our team, our leaders, and, ultimately, our ministry going and growing.

Christian Leadership Styles

COG National Conference, Orlando, Fl

Leadership Snippit

Kris holds a singles retreat every September up in the mountains and I’ve attended the last 8 years. The 3rd year, Sept 2017 I came for the leadership portion of the meeting and was inspired by the teaching, many years of experience working with singles, messages shared, stories from other church leaders and resources galore at the meeting and on the website. I left that weekend fired up and it sparked me to start a singles focused bible study at our church which has been running a year now and doing great... I have so many stories I could share... many new visitors/members... connecting with singles in the church that weren’t plugged in.. networking with other Christian groups and churches... things just continue to spiral... we held a singles NYE celebration a few weeks ago. The owner of The Barn Dance (non-alcoholic club) that some of us go to often came. His club was only open on sat night BUT... he was inspired by the number we had at our dance and the amazing community... he had no idea that singles have that much of a need/want to be together. SO tonight he hosted his first Christian Singles Dance Party at The Barn Dance and it was a big hit. Planning to do a monthly dance there.—opening with prayer and ending with praise songs and prayer. I can’t wait to see what God has for us in 2024. Also very excited about this years Singles Retreat! Find info on thesinglesnetwork.org and come join us Thanks Kris for all you do... for your heart for God and singles.
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—Lisa Young, Former Leader, Lawndale Baptist Church, Greensboro, NC