Articles: Building your Singles Ministry by Kris Swiatocho, Director

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Are You an Influencer by Kris Swiatocho

Are you an influencer? Are you affecting others by how you live, what you say, what you promote, what you buy, what you put on social media, what you believe about yourself, and what you believe about God, etc.?
 
I was at a friend’s house for dinner a few years ago. I was talking with his 22-year-old daughter about the work I do in ministry. I told her I teach a live Facebook podcast each Sunday, and usually, depending on the topic, by mid-week, there may be 500-2000 views. She proceeded to say, wow, you are an influencer. I was like, “I am a what, an influencer? What does that mean. Sure, I hope to influence people with the word of God, but how does that make me an “influencer”? Well, the way a 22-year-old would put it.
 
So, what is an influencer? It’s anything or anyone that affects another person in such a way that can cause the other person to change, do things differently, and live differently. This could be anything from what they buy to what they wear, where they live, etc.  
 
I decided to do some research and found that the top 20 influencers in the nation are athletes, actors, musicians, and models. They have millions of followers. How they act, what they say, do, etc., is changing the lives of many, but varying in what way? Is it a good or bad change?

Since the beginning of time, there have been many influencers. In the Bible, every person you read about influenced those around them, including you and me. From Adam and Eve and how they handled their sin to Abraham's courage, to Moses's obedience to Mary Magdalene and sharing the news of Jesus’s resurrection, to the disciples and, of course, the ultimate influencer, Jesus Christ.
 
So, to be considered an authentic and valuable influencer today, the world would expect you to have thousands of followers. The more followers you have, the more companies are interested in advertising on your page, making everyone money. Even Christians and ministries have jumped on board. Several out there make thousands of dollars a month making videos of their families, whether it’s their kid's first steps or their family singing together. Most Christians aim to use their influence to reach people for the Lord. So, while you are flipping through the secular videos, you might come across one that speaks the name of Jesus.
 
So, what if you are not a social media savant? You don’t have a bunch of cute kids or a special talent for video work? Can you still be an influencer? Yes! The key is to make sure it’s not about you and always about Jesus.

  1. Be an influencer with your family. Families are the hardest to witness, too, mainly because they know who you used to be. You have to decide that despite your past,  they will see a different person. This will be by your actions, handling conflict, and spending your time and money. It might be a slow process, but over time, you will be able to influence them.

    1 Peter 3:15 But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect,…

  2. Be an influencer to your friends.
    When you become a Christian, often our friendships change. For some, the fact that you have accepted Christ and are saved now has a huge impact on others. They will begin to see your choices, attitude, and way of living change. Some will want nothing of your new life, while others may want to know more. You will set the bar higher, encouraging others to do the same. This is especially important in romance. In our study “Intentional Relationships,” Pastor Dan Houk and I discuss the importance of being equally yoked. This starts at the friendship level, then Intentional Friendships™, then intentional dating. You will need strength during this time, so having a Christian community, going to church, attending a small group, etc., will help you to be a significant influencer.

    1 Corinthians 15:33 Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”

    Proverbs 27:17 Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.

  3. Be an influencer at work. Depending on where you work and what you produce, you will be affected by your walk with God. Some may need to find new employment, but others see their job as an opportunity to be an influencer to set an example of integrity, honesty, and hard work.

    1 Peter 3:16 Having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame.

  4. Be an influencer as a leader, a discipler, a teacher, a manager, or a pastor. Wow, what opportunities you have to change the world by leading others. Sometimes, you feel like you are not making any difference, but know you are. You have no idea who is watching you on social media, but more importantly, in person. You have no idea a comment here, a hug, a thumbs up, a smile, and a listening ear have changed a person’s direction in life. I can’t count how many people who had led me in some way—even when I was lost- they impacted my life simply because they took time for me. Just think, when you lead for the purpose of Christ, how you are making an eternal difference in someone’s life. Be the light on a hill.

    Matthew 5:13-16 “You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people's feet. “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.

    I was thinking back to my young days of working in the secular world. I took some leadership classes, including graduating from Toastmasters and Dale Carnegie. That training helped me to be more successful in business. It would also help me when God called me into full-time ministry. Dale Carnegie's book “How to Win Friends and Influence People” has made a difference. Here are a few tips from the book:
 
  • Do not criticize, condemn, or complain.
    Who wants to be around someone who does this all the time? We need to vent, but not to someone you just met.
  • Remember people’s names.
    I try to say people’s names back to them so I don’t forget.
  • Be real, authentic, and honest. Be an encourager and offer praise. Value others as Christ has valued you.
    I try to do this as much as possible, especially for those struggling in life for whatever reason.
  • Handle conflict well.
    Even if you are right, be willing to listen to their side, valuing and sympathizing with them. The goal isn’t always to win the argument.
  • Admit your mistakes quickly.
    This allows them to know where you struggle as well.
  • Find things in common so you can build a relationship.
    The ultimate goal in ALL relationships is to build God’s Kingdom. So, whether it’s to lead someone to the Lord, encourage them where they are in the Lord, or be encouraged yourself, the focus is on God.
 
So, while you might not show you have millions of followers on your social media account, all that matters is you are a follower of Christ because of his influence on you, and as a result, you are influencing others, even one at a time. And Jesus is saying, “Wow, you are an influencer”.
 
John 14: 6 Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
 
Kris Swiatocho is the Director of The Singles Network Ministries and Kris Swiatocho Ministries. She has been in leadership for over 30 years, helping countless churches to start and grow their ministry. She is the author of several books, including the leadership curriculum.
 
• www.TheSinglesNetwork.org
• www.KrisSwiatochoMinistries.org
• www.LaborDaySingles.org
• www.IntentionalRelationshipSolutions.org

Delegate, Delegate, Delegate

As a leader, do you ever struggle with delegating responsibility to others? I know I have in the past. Part of the problem was when I had delegated; I found that most people…

  • Didn’t do the job well, which I felt reflected upon me and the ministry.
  • Didn’t follow through with finishing the job.
  • Forgot about the job.
  • Were not clear on the job expectations but failed to ask for help.
  • Didn’t make the job a priority.
  • Didn’t realize the time it would take to complete the job.
  • Didn’t realize the enemy’s goal in trying to keep them from doing the job.

As a result of all of these reasons, I would take the job back over. This would end up making my life that much harder. I had even more on my plate, leading to personal frustration and burnout.
 
So how are you supposed to delegate well when there are all these issues with people? Let me go back through this list of issues to offer some solutions.
 
They didn’t do the job well, which I felt reflected upon me and the ministry.
Question: How do you measure “well?” Were you expecting them to do the job like you? Have they served under you and got to experience what you wanted done? Did you come alongside them as they checked in and offered help, including prayer? Sometimes, we have delegated, and their performance reflects poorly on the ministry; however, be sure your concern is more about the person than yourself. If what you are delegating is critical in the result, perhaps delegating smaller portions first would have better results than what you expect.

They didn’t follow through with finishing the job.
Question: Life does happen, and often, when folks don’t complete something, it’s because they have other things going on in their lives. This is when it’s essential to come alongside during the process to see where things are. You might think of setting up a schedule where they complete specific tasks to be done. This is also a great time to get to know them personally and see what is going on, such as a family, work, or health situation that has kept them from finishing the job.
 
They forgot about the job.
Question: How did you communicate the actual start of the job? Communication is the number one reason why relationships fail. Was it only through a text or email or a brief conversation with a group of people? It’s important that when you are delegating responsibilities, you meet face to face so that you are both clear on what is expected. I also suggest a written document with details of the job. This allows them to ask questions and take ownership.
 
They were unclear about the job expectations but failed to ask for help.
Question: Most people fail in doing the jobs we delegate to them because they simply don’t know what you expect from them. While you think all is well because you have not heard from them, they are not getting the work done or, worse, doing it poorly. By the time you hear about it, the damage is done. Stay in touch with them and review your expectations so you are on the same plate.

They didn’t make the job a priority.
Question: The best way to make sure what you are delegating is a priority is for them to have part ownership. I often delegate responsibilities with a partial job description. I give them direction and expectations but allow them to fill in the rest. This way, they have ownership and are more likely to prioritize and get it done. However, upon enabling them to develop the job description, there is always the chance it won’t be what you would do. That is okay because there are always more ways than one to accomplish something. Remember, we are building leaders who will one day lead their own ministry.
 
They didn’t realize the time it would take to complete the job.
Question: This is a big one, as most folks have no idea what it takes to do these days—especially if it involves other people. This is, again, why it’s vital to talk and communicate regularly. It may require taking part of the work back and/or finding someone else to co-lead/develop the job. This way, you keep the person but are sympathetic to their timetable and personal schedule.
 
They didn’t realize the enemy’s goal in trying to keep them from doing the job.
Question: I think most of us underestimate the part of Satan’s role in our ministries. He wants to destroy our work, people, direction, etc. He seeks to come in between us to divide and cause disharmony. With this in mind, it’s important to remind your team that before they speak, write that angry email, and respond by quitting, they remember the enemies’ goals but also reflect the goal of the Lord. If God has placed them in the ministry where they are, doing what they are doing, AND if God has placed you in their lives to help them, then the enemy will do the opposite.
 
Moses is an excellent example in the Bible of someone who tried to do it all himself and was about to explode. His father-in-law saw what was happening and stepped in for fatherly and wise advice. Read below for a wonderful example of delegation we all need to follow.
 
Exodus 18:13-26
13 The next day Moses sat to judge the people, and the people stood around Moses from morning till evening. 14 When Moses' father-in-law saw all that he was doing for the people, he said, “What is this that you are doing for the people? Why do you sit alone, and all the people stand around you from morning till evening?” 15 And Moses said to his father-in-law, “Because the people come to me to inquire of God; 16 when they have a dispute, they come to me and I decide between one person and another, and I make them know the statutes of God and his laws.” 17 Moses' father-in-law said to him, “What you are doing is not good. 18 You and the people with you will certainly wear yourselves out, for the thing is too heavy for you. You are not able to do it alone. 19 Now obey my voice; I will give you advice, and God be with you! You shall represent the people before God and bring their cases to God, 20 and you shall warn them about the statutes and the laws, and make them know the way in which they must walk and what they must do. 21 Moreover, look for able men from all the people, men who fear God, who are trustworthy and hate a bribe, and place such men over the people as chiefs of thousands, of hundreds, of fifties, and of tens. 22 And let them judge the people at all times. Every great matter they shall bring to you, but any small matter they shall decide themselves. So it will be easier for you, and they will bear the burden with you. 23 If you do this, God will direct you, you will be able to endure, and all this people also will go to their place in peace.”
24 So Moses listened to the voice of his father-in-law and did all that he had said. 25 Moses chose able men out of all Israel and made them heads over the people, chiefs of thousands, of hundreds, of fifties, and of tens. 26 And they judged the people at all times. Any hard case they brought to Moses, but any small matter they decided themselves.

Get to know your team!
Remember, the more you get to know them, the more you will know their strengths and weaknesses, and the better you will be at delegating the right jobs to the right people. You will learn who needs a little help to finish the job, who likes to be left alone, and who will try and take it away from you. But no matter what, you can’t be successful in ministry without delegating. You can’t do it all, and God never asked anyone to. So, start today by asking God what you can move off your plate. Start giving people small things to do to see how they do them. And trust God in the process.

Kris Swiatocho is the Director of The Singles Network Ministries and Kris Swiatocho Ministries. She has been in leadership for over 30 years, helping countless churches to start and grow their ministry. She is the author of several books, including the leadership curriculum.
 
• www.TheSinglesNetwork.org
• www.KrisSwiatochoMinistries.org
• www.LaborDaySingles.org
• www.IntentionalRelationshipSolutions.org

Leadership Articles by Kris Swiatocho

Additional resources by Kris and other authors, click here. 

COG National Conference, Orlando, Fl

Leadership Snippit

Leaders That Last Curriculum

• Leaders that Last is 6 weeks, 6 topics Curriculum: 
The first 3 weeks that are inward focus towards personal development and last 3 weeks that are outward focus towards building and unifying the team.

• Leaders that Last Curriculum includes:
 A trainers guide with additional questions, icebreaker ideas, small group discussion, and weekly assignments, etc. plus participants outline.

• Leaders that Last Curriculum is a:
Microsoft word document so you can alter to fit your specific group whether young adult, single adult or single parent, divorced or widowed.

WEEKLY TOPICS:
Week 1: Who You Are in Christ
Week 2: Affirming Your Calling as a Leader
Week 3: Spiritual Warfare
Week 4: Mentoring/Finding others with a Similar Calling
Week 5: Building the Team
Week 6: Caring for the Team.

Week 1: Who Am I?
Description: Everything starts and ends with a great team but a team starts with a great leader. A great leader should know who they are in Christ first in order to lead others. This leader also should have a personal, growing relationship with Christ. This lesson will focus on your identity, your personal growth in your faith, and your walk with the Lord.
 
Week 2: Who Ya Going to Call?
Description: Learning and affirming your calling to be a leader. Most maturing Christians are serving the Lord but often in the wrong area, this lesson will help you focus on the right area God is calling you into.
 
Week 3: The Devil Made Me Do It!
Description: This lesson focuses on how to recognize the enemy’s attacks on you, your team, and your ministry, and what to do when it does happen.

Week 4: Making Copies!
Description: This lesson focuses on the importance of recognizing potential leaders by starting with those who are voluntold versus volunteers.

Week 5: There’s No “I” in Team
Description: Everything falls and rises on leadership. Without a great team that is unified in the path to reach the goals God has put in place, leadership will fail. This lesson will focus on how to build a team that builds the ministry.
 
Week 6: Are You a Care Bear?
Description: This lesson focuses on how to keep our team, our leaders, and, ultimately, our ministry going and growing.
Kris holds a singles retreat every September up in the mountains and I’ve attended the last 4 years. The 3rd year, Sept 2018 I came for the leadership portion of the meeting and was inspired by the teaching, many years of experience working with singles, messages shared, stories from other church leaders and resources galore at the meeting and on the website. I left that weekend fired up and it sparked me to start a singles focused bible study at our church which has been running a year now and doing great... I have so many stories I could share... many new visitors/members... connecting with singles in the church that weren’t plugged in.. networking with other Christian groups and churches... things just continue to spiral... we held a singles NYE celebration a few weeks ago. The owner of The Barn Dance (non-alcoholic club) that some of us go to often came. His club was only open on sat night BUT... he was inspired by the number we had at our dance and the amazing community... he had no idea that singles have that much of a need/want to be together. SO tonight he hosted his first Christian Singles Dance Party at The Barn Dance and it was a big hit. Planning to do a monthly dance there... opening with prayer and ending with praise songs and prayer. I can’t wait to see what God has for us in 2020. Also very excited about this years Singles Retreat! Find info on thesinglesnetwork.org and come join us Thanks Kris for all you do... for your heart for God and singles.
—Lisa Young, Lawndale Baptist Church, Greensboro, NC
About Pray for a Mate™...In my 25 years of ministering to single adults, I have found one major thing common to 99.9% of them—the desire to be married or married again. From conferences to retreats, articles and interviews, the subject continuously comes up.

I hear questions like:
“Do you think I am meant to be married?”
“Is there such a thing as ‘the one’?”
“Why hasn’t God brought me the man/woman of my dreams?”
As with all of these questions, I can only send them to the one source who knows the answers and that is Jesus Christ. But saying this doesn’t always communicate to an action or a direction.

​Okay, so you go to the Lord but then what? Well, they would say they have gone to the Lord but what I found was they would gripe, cry and fuss at Him. Few were serious in their purpose when it came to praying. Few were serious when it came to listening and as a result, changing. 
 
THE CHURCH AND SINGLENESS
For the last two decades, I and many of my fellow ministers to singles have seen the decline of the church’s efforts to minister to single adults. While the singles population is now over 52 percent in the United States, with most being never-marrieds, churches are not making the effort to the reach us. The focus more than ever seems to be on the family. 
 
But what churches don’t understand is the family starts with two single adults. If the church would spend time reaching singles, helping them in their identity in Christ, in their personal growth and developing healthy friendships, as well as by offering Bible studies and counseling for marriage, then the greater success of our future marriages and families will be. 

We can’t keep hiding behind youth programs and a pro-family focus and hope healthy marriages will just happen. The church needs to help single adults meet each other in a healthy way, directing them toward godly friendships and teaching them the principles of courtship and marriage preparation. Otherwise, they will find other ways to find a spouse, often outside the church and, possibly, with someone who isn’t a believer.

Although not all single adults will get married, many due to their own fears and issues, I do believe in marriage and I believe God still brings people together. With that in mind, I have been praying for a solution to bring singles ministry back into the church.

Singles ministry in general takes a lot of work. You have to build a team of leaders, offer training, meet regularly, plan, pray, and do. Because of the work involved and due to so many pastors being fearful that members might “hook-up,” churches have stopped having a singles ministry.

Also, we are still seeing more women than men in church. As a result, most singles ministries are started by women. Unfortunately, groups led solely by women only grow other women. The team has to include men. Without this pairing of the sexes, your ministry will often fail. In addition, we are seeing a lot of singles ministries focused on social events rather than on teaching the Word of God.

Another problem comes when leaders who don’t find a team to share the responsibilities with gets burned out, resulting in a failed ministry.
​
So, what do we do? How do we bring a singles ministry back into the church and have it be successful? And how can we do it if we are limited in finding men to help? What about resources and support? 
 
SOLUTION: Pray for a Mate™
While spending time in the United Kingdom doing ministry, I came upon a wonderful lady who shared with me something amazing. She had gone to her pastor and asked about doing a singles ministry at her church. Again, due to past experiences of what singles ministries could become, he said no. She then prayed and went back and asked if she could have a “prayer group for those who wanted to be married.” (Remember, 99.9 percent of all singles want to be married—maybe not this minute but eventually). She didn’t say anything about singles or ministry, but she did use two key words that most churches care about: marriage and prayer. They agreed and even offered her the space to meet.

She quickly gathered her team of friends—some married and some single—and they started meeting to pray, not sure what God would do. That small group turned into a larger one and before long they were meeting each month. From the start they only allowed women to come as they had enough men. They also created a structure that appealed mainly to serious prayer warriors.

The results were amazing. They saw lives changed, individuals found healing, some developed amazing friendships and others even got married. It’s now been over year and they are up to eighty men and eighty women. And it hit me—with a few slight changes, this could work in the U.S.

I realize not all singles would want to come to church to pray for a mate. Some might even get upset if this was the only activity their church offered singles. But if a church only has this, it’s still better than nothing. This program has the potential to lead to something. It’s certainly worth trying and making the investment. And the result? Healthier people who become healthier followers of Christ. 
www.prayforamate.org