Articles: Building your Singles Ministry by Kris Swiatocho, Director

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Grow Your Singles Ministry by Growing Men

by Kris Swiatocho
​NOTE: If you have a growing singles ministry that’s mostly women, including the leaders, and you are happy, then this article is not for you. If you are a singles ministry that desires to be more successful by balancing it with more men, read on to hear my suggestions.
 
As a leader and teacher of single adult ministry for the last 30 years, I get asked repeatedly how to start a singles ministry. At least 8 out of 10 of those asking are women. Women who have a passion and heart to reach singles. Women who themselves see the need in the church. Women often get tired of waiting for their pastors to start something—women who are headed for failure because they lack the crucial parts needed for success. Besides consistent prayer, church support, and the ability to build leaders, successful singles ministry, I have found, has the best success rate when co-led by male and female leaders. I mean, if you want to have a single adult women's ministry, then praise the Lord. But if you want it to be co-ed, you must find a man to help. "Men leaders can grow men and women, men and women leaders can grow men and women, but only women leaders grow women."
 
“Men leaders can grow men and women, men and women leaders can grow men and women, but only women leaders grow women."
 
Now, please, don't start sending me feedback saying the opposite. I know some very successful ministries are led by women (I have directed several myself). Still, I also found a huge support system with male leaders and pastors ready to help in these ministries. A system that most single adults viewed as a partnership of leadership versus just one lady leading things.
 
Great women leaders know the value of placing men and women of various backgrounds and giftings under them. They know we need men to reach other men. The last church I was on staff had a male pastor over me who would assist me in anything I needed, from teaching to prayer to handling issues and attending events. People viewed him as a co-partnership of the singles ministry even though he didn't participate in everything we did. So why is this? Why can't women grow single adult ministries like a man?
 
Well, please know it’s nothing we, as women, have done wrong. It's simply what God designed in us as male and female. For a male to grow to be the man God wants him to be, he needs to be led by another male. I am not saying women can't teach a man or offer insight or some wisdom of truth. I am just saying that our role as women should be to encourage, support, pray, and honor the role God has given men directly. The same is true for women, too. Men can only disciple women to a point. There comes a time when might not be the best idea for a single male leader to be alone with a single lady. There are things in life that only another woman can understand. So, when only women lead a ministry, they tend to draw only other women (and the occasional unhealthy men). As our single adults get older, more women are coming than men. So, this makes it much more essential to have a male co-leader to help reach those men who aren't coming.
 
So, what is the co-leader's role? Most women seem to be doing all the roles with what appears to be a success. Well, not really. If you were that successful, you would have more men coming.
 
So, when you find this man, what is his role so you can get a more balanced ministry?
 
• Get men up in front of your class, group, or event as much as possible. They can open in prayer and make announcements. This can lead to them facilitating a Bible study or leading an event.
• Ask men to call/e-mail/text other men to invite them to your events and studies.
• During bible studies or Sunday school, put men into small groups to discuss questions so they can bond.
• Encourage men to hang out separately from women. I try to get one man to be willing to be the point person for a ball game, dinner at a sports restaurant, camping, or fishing trip. If he is the point person once, he may do it again. I value their contribution to the ministry, ideas, and input.
Note: Discourage women from trying to join men on camping trips, sporting events, etc. We want our men to get to know each other outside of women.
• Encourage men to help. I do less and ask them to do more. I talk less and allow them to talk more. I celebrate even the tiniest things they do, hoping it will encourage them to do more. Affirm positive behavior.
 
You see, ladies, men know we will do everything because we have done everything. So, to allow them to lead, we must often let some things go. When men visit our ministries and see other men who look and appear like them, they are more likely to return. But if these men only see a group of cackling women—or, worse, attacking cackling women—they will turn and run.
 
Please know all of this takes time. If you commit this to prayer and encourage the existing men to help in various areas that give them visibility, you will be on the right path. And you can't ever give up, ever. What if you don't have any men who could step up? Sometimes, our ministries only have unhealthy men or men who cannot lead in any way (even after years of encouragement and training). These men either do not have the calling or are not mature.
 
So sometimes:
• Ask a married man to help—a pastor, deacon/elder, or another church leader. A married teacher could co-teach the class with the agreement to help grow the men. This could be a temporary situation.
• Asked church leaders for help and prayer.
• Invite a pastor to attend some of your events to show visibility and support to the ministry.
• If there is an assigned deacon, ask him and/or his wife to attend your class, group, or event. Ask if they are willing to teach from time to time. Maybe they could host leaders meeting at home or teach an ongoing Bible study.
 
“To get healthier men in your singles ministry, you must reach them and grow them through other healthy men.”
 
We, as women, can help. We can pray for our men, value how God has placed them in our churches and ministries to lead, and step down in certain areas to allow men to step up.
 
Ladies, I know you are willing to do whatever God wants, but you will never know how much greater ministry is when it’s co-led by a male. So put it to prayer and wait on God.

When he arrived and saw the evidence of the grace of God, he was glad and encouraged them all to remain true to the Lord with all their hearts (Acts 11:23).

© 2025 Kris Swiatocho Ministries; www.TheSinglesNetwork.org Ministries

What Does The Bible Say About Singleness

by Kris Swiatocho
Being single can be challenging, regardless of whether you are a young adult, a single parent, divorced, widowed, or never married. Each of these life stages comes with its unique burdens and blessings. While many single people would prefer to be in a relationship, what they often seek most is community. No one wants to navigate life alone. This is why it’s more important than ever for us to come together—both married and single—to support and minister to one another. We need accountability through discipleship and should learn to value our current season until God leads us to a different chapter in our lives.

So, what does the Bible say about being single? Here are a few thoughts:
  1. Many people in the Bible were single and/or experienced a season of singleness. They serve as examples for us all in their walk with the Lord and how they fulfilled their purpose of reaching out to others for Christ. For instance, notable figures include Jeremiah, Mary, Martha, Lazarus, Joseph, Nehemiah, John the Baptist, Paul, Mary Magdalene, Daniel, the Samaritan Woman at the Well, Anna, Naomi, and Ruth. Of course, the ultimate example of singleness is Jesus. In my Bible study, “Jesus, Single Like Me,” I wrote that if you can’t get excited about Jesus and His singleness, value, and purpose, you will never be able to get excited about your own. The individuals I mentioned and many others should encourage you in your journey of singleness. Jesus is at work in your life, no matter where you are. Are you willing to let Him?

    Philippians 2:13 for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.

  2. Being single was never meant to mean living life in isolation. We all need community. In the book of Acts, the Bible tells us how people, both married and single, came together to ensure everyone’s needs were met.

    Acts 2:42-46 They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.43 Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. 44 All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45 They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need.46 Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47 praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

    While I strongly support specialized ministries that focus on specific needs—such as those of widows, single parents, individuals with disabilities, and people experiencing homelessness—it all begins with coming together, listening to one another, and loving each other as Jesus would. If you're not currently part of a church, Bible study, or a service-oriented community, I encourage you to seek these opportunities. They can greatly support you during this season of your life. Pray about building friendships so that you have a strong support group around you as life unfolds.

    Recently, I have been ministering to the victims of Hurricane Helene in Western North Carolina. I’ve witnessed many single and married individuals without any community support. So many are forced to live in tents or their cars because they lack family, friends, and a community to help them. I’ve had the honor of assisting them in transitioning into campers and tiny sheds, sharing the message of Jesus, and inviting them to my church. The devil's goal is to isolate us from Jesus, as noted in John 10:10 "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full". 

  3. A singles ministry is mentioned in the Bible, yet some churches do not support this initiative. They believe it separates individuals from the larger body of Christ. However, Jesus demonstrates the opposite perspective. Sometimes, we need to focus on specific life stages and needs, such as youth ministry, women's and men's ministries, addiction support, young marrieds, adoption, foster care, grief counseling, and, yes, singles ministry. Each of these areas holds significant value. At times, we gather as a large body of believers; at other times, we need to connect with those in similar life situations.

    Acts 6:1-7 In those days when the number of disciples was increasing, the Hellenistic Jews[a] among them complained against the Hebraic Jews because their widows were being overlooked in the daily distribution of food. 2 So the Twelve gathered all the disciples together and said, “It would not be right for us to neglect the ministry of the word of God in order to wait on tables. 3 Brothers and sisters, choose seven men from among you who are known to be full of the Spirit and wisdom. We will turn this responsibility over to them 4 and will give our attention to prayer and the ministry of the word.” 5 This proposal pleased the whole group. They chose Stephen, a man full of faith and of the Holy Spirit; also Philip, Procorus, Nicanor, Timon, Parmenas, and Nicolas from Antioch, a convert to Judaism. 6 They presented these men to the apostles, who prayed and laid their hands on them. 7 So the word of God spread. The number of disciples in Jerusalem increased rapidly, and a large number of priests became obedient to the faith.

    So, does your church have a singles ministry? It’s important to note that unless someone marries, they remain single after their spouse passes away. Most young adults are single, and nearly everyone knows someone who has been divorced, widowed, or is parenting alone. Over 54% of the U.S. population is single, and around 40% is in the UK. Singles represent a vast, untapped resource for our church and the wider community. If our churches aim to cultivate healthy marriages, nurturing healthy singles is essential.

    Note: If you want to start a singles ministry, watch the free videos here and/or visit www.TheSinglesNetwork.org Ministries

  4. Jesus protected and provided for single parents, widows, and other individuals who are alone. I think of the widow in Zarephath, a town outside of Israel, whom God instructed Elijah to visit. She was asked to provide him food when she was down to her last bit of oil and flour. This story beautifully illustrates God’s love and provision. Because of her faith, her supply of oil and flour was supernaturally extended. Doesn’t God do this for all of us? When we find ourselves running low on resources—be it finances, strength, or hope—He often comes through in unexpected ways.

    1 Kings 17: 7 Some time later the brook dried up because there had been no rain in the land. 8 Then the word of the Lord came to him: 9 “Go at once to Zarephath in the region of Sidon and stay there. I have directed a widow there to supply you with food.” 10 So he went to Zarephath. When he came to the town gate, a widow was there gathering sticks. He called to her and asked, “Would you bring me a little water in a jar so I may have a drink?” 11 As she was going to get it, he called, “And bring me, please, a piece of bread.”

    12 “As surely as the Lord your God lives,” she replied, “I don’t have any bread—only a handful of flour in a jar and a little olive oil in a jug. I am gathering a few sticks to take home and make a meal for myself and my son, that we may eat it—and die.”

    13 Elijah said to her, “Don’t be afraid. Go home and do as you have said. But first make a small loaf of bread for me from what you have and bring it to me, and then make something for yourself and your son. 14 For this is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘The jar of flour will not be used up and the jug of oil will not run dry until the day the Lord sends rain on the land.’”

    15 She went away and did as Elijah had told her. So there was food every day for Elijah and for the woman and her family. 16 For the jar of flour was not used up and the jug of oil did not run dry, in keeping with the word of the Lordspoken by Elijah.

    There are other examples, such as Hagar and Naomi, along with God’s provision for widows and orphans, which were mentioned earlier. Even in His last moments on the cross, Jesus made a provision for His widowed mother, Mary, by entrusting her care to His friend John. Jesus demonstrates His love for those parenting alone, whether due to death, divorce, being never married, fostering, adoption, or other circumstances.
 
  1. Marriage preparation is an important aspect of our spiritual journey as a single. The Bible offers numerous stories and scriptures that guide us during this waiting period. For instance, Joseph’s story illustrates how he resisted temptation from Potiphar's wife, which helped him build his character and deepen his relationship with God.

    In 1 Corinthians 7:32-35, Paul says, “I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. 33 But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife--34 and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. 35 I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

    Paul emphasizes the value of being single, as it allows time for one to grow closer to God. As a single woman, nothing is more attractive than a man focused on Jesus and striving to become more like Him.

    Throughout the Bible, we find examples of trust, patience, purity, and the importance of friendships. God created marriage, and it is indeed a good thing. The Bible serves as His love letter, guiding us in our walk with the Lord, starting with our time as singles. For some, this preparation also includes readiness for marriage and parenting.

    5.  Jesus died on the cross for singles as well. Our shared purpose in life is to have a relationship with God that glorifies Him and, from that relationship, to connect with others to bring them to Christ. God does not value marriage over singleness; both have their importance. The key question is: Are you living out that value? Are you serving, sharing your faith, and walking in obedience?

    ​1 Peter 2:24 He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed.

    1 Peter 4:10 As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace:

    ​6. We will all stand before the Lord as individuals. One day, when you pass away, you will also present yourself to the Lord alone. Therefore, our primary focus should always be on the Lord, above all other relationships. Additionally, in heaven, we are all considered single. This offers essential insight into how God values singleness.

    ​Matthew 6:33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.  
 
© 2025 Kris Swiatocho Ministries; www.TheSinglesNetwork.org Ministries
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Leaders That Last Curriculum

• Leaders that Last is 6 weeks, 6 topics Curriculum: 
The first 3 weeks that are inward focus towards personal development and last 3 weeks that are outward focus towards building and unifying the team.

• Leaders that Last Curriculum includes:
 A trainers guide with additional questions, icebreaker ideas, small group discussion, and weekly assignments, etc. plus participants outline.

• Leaders that Last Curriculum is a:
Microsoft word document so you can alter to fit your specific group whether young adult, single adult or single parent, divorced or widowed.

WEEKLY TOPICS:
Week 1: Who You Are in Christ
Week 2: Affirming Your Calling as a Leader
Week 3: Spiritual Warfare
Week 4: Mentoring/Finding others with a Similar Calling
Week 5: Building the Team
Week 6: Caring for the Team.

Week 1: Who Am I?
Description: Everything starts and ends with a great team but a team starts with a great leader. A great leader should know who they are in Christ first in order to lead others. This leader also should have a personal, growing relationship with Christ. This lesson will focus on your identity, your personal growth in your faith, and your walk with the Lord.
 
Week 2: Who Ya Going to Call?
Description: Learning and affirming your calling to be a leader. Most maturing Christians are serving the Lord but often in the wrong area, this lesson will help you focus on the right area God is calling you into.
 
Week 3: The Devil Made Me Do It!
Description: This lesson focuses on how to recognize the enemy’s attacks on you, your team, and your ministry, and what to do when it does happen.

Week 4: Making Copies!
Description: This lesson focuses on the importance of recognizing potential leaders by starting with those who are voluntold versus volunteers.

Week 5: There’s No “I” in Team
Description: Everything falls and rises on leadership. Without a great team that is unified in the path to reach the goals God has put in place, leadership will fail. This lesson will focus on how to build a team that builds the ministry.
 
Week 6: Are You a Care Bear?
Description: This lesson focuses on how to keep our team, our leaders, and, ultimately, our ministry going and growing.

Christian Leadership Styles

COG National Conference, Orlando, Fl

Leadership Snippit

Leadership Articles by Kris Swiatocho

Additional resources by Kris and other authors, click here.
Kris holds a singles retreat every September up in the mountains and I’ve attended the last 8 years. The 3rd year, Sept 2017 I came for the leadership portion of the meeting and was inspired by the teaching, many years of experience working with singles, messages shared, stories from other church leaders and resources galore at the meeting and on the website. I left that weekend fired up and it sparked me to start a singles focused bible study at our church which has been running a year now and doing great... I have so many stories I could share... many new visitors/members... connecting with singles in the church that weren’t plugged in.. networking with other Christian groups and churches... things just continue to spiral... we held a singles NYE celebration a few weeks ago. The owner of The Barn Dance (non-alcoholic club) that some of us go to often came. His club was only open on sat night BUT... he was inspired by the number we had at our dance and the amazing community... he had no idea that singles have that much of a need/want to be together. SO tonight he hosted his first Christian Singles Dance Party at The Barn Dance and it was a big hit. Planning to do a monthly dance there.—opening with prayer and ending with praise songs and prayer. I can’t wait to see what God has for us in 2024. Also very excited about this years Singles Retreat! Find info on thesinglesnetwork.org and come join us Thanks Kris for all you do... for your heart for God and singles.
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—Lisa Young, Lawndale Baptist Church, Greensboro, NC