Articles: Building your Singles Ministry by Kris Swiatocho, Director
What I Love and What I Find Hard About Being Single
by Kris Swiatocho, Director, The Singles Network Ministries
Years ago, I began asking single adults two questions: What do you love about being single? What do you find hard about it? I heard from people who had never married, people who were divorced or widowed, and single parents. Some answered quickly. Others had never felt free to say both things out loud.
Julie could not think of anything she liked about singleness. She wondered whether admitting she enjoyed any part of it would tell God she wanted to remain single. I understood how much she wanted to marry, but I wanted her to know she could thank God for something in her life today without giving up her hope for the future. Paul spoke of singleness as a life in which a person can give focused attention to the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:32–35). Enjoying that freedom does not mean we must stop praying about marriage.
Joan, a single mother whose children were grown, loved the flexibility to follow where God was leading her. She enjoyed friendships and opportunities to serve. Yet she was frustrated by people’s shallow assumptions about singles, and she missed physical intimacy. Her answer was neither entirely joyful nor entirely painful. It was honest. Whatever our marital status, we can ask God how to use the gifts He has given us to serve others (1 Peter 4:10).
Eric, a divorced dad, appreciated making decisions on his own and spending time with his child. He disliked the effect of divorce on that child. His answer reminded me that a person may value parts of their present life while still grieving how they arrived there. God is near to us in that grief; Psalm 34:18 says He is close to the brokenhearted.
Rob, who had never married, enjoyed his freedom and looked forward to marriage someday. He also disliked being without a girlfriend. It is natural to want companionship. His answer raises a useful question for all of us: Can we make room for friendship, growth, and time with the Lord when we are not dating someone? Jesus Himself stepped away from the crowds to pray (Luke 5:16). Time alone can help us listen to God, even as we continue building relationships with other people.
Susie valued the freedom to give time to her work and arrange her own schedule. She also wanted a partner who would look out for her, challenge her, and share life with her. Many single adults know that feeling. We can love the work God has given us and still want someone beside us. We can also ask Him for wisdom about how to make room for the people already in our lives.
Mike, a widowed father, treasured the time he had with his children. At the same time, he described a lack of support, difficulty dating, and isolation. His answer should make the church pause. Do we know who needs help with the children, a ride to an appointment, a meal, or simply an invitation? Paul writes that the body of Christ has many parts and that its members should care for one another (1 Corinthians 12:12–27). That care needs to include single adults and their families.
Candace enjoyed her independence and the freedom to make new friends. She also wanted physical intimacy and someone she could count on and grow with. I appreciate her honesty. Christians sometimes speak about sexual desire as though single adults should never mention it. God made us with bodies, and we can bring our longings to Him honestly. Psalm 139:13 reminds us that He made us and knows us. Friendship and community matter deeply, even while they do not erase every desire for a spouse.
Joyce had spent much of her adult life married. She could appreciate a slower daily routine, yet she missed her husband terribly. Her experience reminds us that becoming single after marriage is a profound change. Ecclesiastes 3:4 speaks of a time to weep and a time to laugh. We can give someone room for both without expecting grief to follow our timetable.
Raul could not name anything he liked about being single. He was angry and deeply disappointed that he had not married. I would answer him more gently today than I did when I first wrote this article. I do not know why one person marries and another does not, and I would not assume someone’s singleness is a punishment or proof of failure. Psalm 62:8 invites us to pour out our hearts to God. Raul deserves someone who will listen to his pain, pray with him, and resist the urge to dismiss it.
LaTonya, who was divorced, had learned more about what she wanted in a relationship. She valued being able to encourage others who had been through a difficult marriage. She also missed the closeness she once shared with her husband. Second Corinthians 1:3–4 reminds us that the comfort we receive from God can help us comfort others. That does not make what happened good, but it means our pain does not have to be wasted.
Pam, a divorced mother, enjoyed her independence and the chance to try new things. She missed having a companion during stressful and joyful times. She also made me think about accountability. Marriage doesn't automatically provide it, and singleness doesn't prevent it. Proverbs 27:17 describes the value of one person sharpening another. We all need trusted people who know us well enough to encourage us and ask hard questions.
What about me? After many years of being single, I love much about this life. I value its flexibility. I can visit a friend, take a long phone call, serve locally, or travel to share Christ when an opportunity opens. I have seen God use my singleness in ministry in ways I could not have planned.
I also have hard days. I miss physical touch. I sometimes wish someone were there to hear the details of my day and the thoughts I do not share with everyone. I can be grateful for my life and still acknowledge those desires. The apostle Paul wrote that he had learned to be content in different circumstances (Philippians 4:11–13). I am still learning. For me, contentment means continuing to trust and follow Christ while being truthful with Him about what I want.
So I will ask you the same questions I asked those friends years ago: What do you love about being single? What do you find hard? Tell the Lord the truth about both. Your answer may help you recognize a gift, name a grief, ask for support, or take your next step. As Proverbs 3:5–6 reminds us, we can trust Him to guide our path, including the parts we cannot yet see.
Bring Kris to your city to speak in person or by Zoom at your next event. Call 919.434.3611.
© 2026 The Singles Network Ministries
www.TheSinglesNetwork.org • www.KrisSwiatochoMinistries.org • www.IntentionalRelationshipSolutions.org
Julie could not think of anything she liked about singleness. She wondered whether admitting she enjoyed any part of it would tell God she wanted to remain single. I understood how much she wanted to marry, but I wanted her to know she could thank God for something in her life today without giving up her hope for the future. Paul spoke of singleness as a life in which a person can give focused attention to the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:32–35). Enjoying that freedom does not mean we must stop praying about marriage.
Joan, a single mother whose children were grown, loved the flexibility to follow where God was leading her. She enjoyed friendships and opportunities to serve. Yet she was frustrated by people’s shallow assumptions about singles, and she missed physical intimacy. Her answer was neither entirely joyful nor entirely painful. It was honest. Whatever our marital status, we can ask God how to use the gifts He has given us to serve others (1 Peter 4:10).
Eric, a divorced dad, appreciated making decisions on his own and spending time with his child. He disliked the effect of divorce on that child. His answer reminded me that a person may value parts of their present life while still grieving how they arrived there. God is near to us in that grief; Psalm 34:18 says He is close to the brokenhearted.
Rob, who had never married, enjoyed his freedom and looked forward to marriage someday. He also disliked being without a girlfriend. It is natural to want companionship. His answer raises a useful question for all of us: Can we make room for friendship, growth, and time with the Lord when we are not dating someone? Jesus Himself stepped away from the crowds to pray (Luke 5:16). Time alone can help us listen to God, even as we continue building relationships with other people.
Susie valued the freedom to give time to her work and arrange her own schedule. She also wanted a partner who would look out for her, challenge her, and share life with her. Many single adults know that feeling. We can love the work God has given us and still want someone beside us. We can also ask Him for wisdom about how to make room for the people already in our lives.
Mike, a widowed father, treasured the time he had with his children. At the same time, he described a lack of support, difficulty dating, and isolation. His answer should make the church pause. Do we know who needs help with the children, a ride to an appointment, a meal, or simply an invitation? Paul writes that the body of Christ has many parts and that its members should care for one another (1 Corinthians 12:12–27). That care needs to include single adults and their families.
Candace enjoyed her independence and the freedom to make new friends. She also wanted physical intimacy and someone she could count on and grow with. I appreciate her honesty. Christians sometimes speak about sexual desire as though single adults should never mention it. God made us with bodies, and we can bring our longings to Him honestly. Psalm 139:13 reminds us that He made us and knows us. Friendship and community matter deeply, even while they do not erase every desire for a spouse.
Joyce had spent much of her adult life married. She could appreciate a slower daily routine, yet she missed her husband terribly. Her experience reminds us that becoming single after marriage is a profound change. Ecclesiastes 3:4 speaks of a time to weep and a time to laugh. We can give someone room for both without expecting grief to follow our timetable.
Raul could not name anything he liked about being single. He was angry and deeply disappointed that he had not married. I would answer him more gently today than I did when I first wrote this article. I do not know why one person marries and another does not, and I would not assume someone’s singleness is a punishment or proof of failure. Psalm 62:8 invites us to pour out our hearts to God. Raul deserves someone who will listen to his pain, pray with him, and resist the urge to dismiss it.
LaTonya, who was divorced, had learned more about what she wanted in a relationship. She valued being able to encourage others who had been through a difficult marriage. She also missed the closeness she once shared with her husband. Second Corinthians 1:3–4 reminds us that the comfort we receive from God can help us comfort others. That does not make what happened good, but it means our pain does not have to be wasted.
Pam, a divorced mother, enjoyed her independence and the chance to try new things. She missed having a companion during stressful and joyful times. She also made me think about accountability. Marriage doesn't automatically provide it, and singleness doesn't prevent it. Proverbs 27:17 describes the value of one person sharpening another. We all need trusted people who know us well enough to encourage us and ask hard questions.
What about me? After many years of being single, I love much about this life. I value its flexibility. I can visit a friend, take a long phone call, serve locally, or travel to share Christ when an opportunity opens. I have seen God use my singleness in ministry in ways I could not have planned.
I also have hard days. I miss physical touch. I sometimes wish someone were there to hear the details of my day and the thoughts I do not share with everyone. I can be grateful for my life and still acknowledge those desires. The apostle Paul wrote that he had learned to be content in different circumstances (Philippians 4:11–13). I am still learning. For me, contentment means continuing to trust and follow Christ while being truthful with Him about what I want.
So I will ask you the same questions I asked those friends years ago: What do you love about being single? What do you find hard? Tell the Lord the truth about both. Your answer may help you recognize a gift, name a grief, ask for support, or take your next step. As Proverbs 3:5–6 reminds us, we can trust Him to guide our path, including the parts we cannot yet see.
Bring Kris to your city to speak in person or by Zoom at your next event. Call 919.434.3611.
© 2026 The Singles Network Ministries
www.TheSinglesNetwork.org • www.KrisSwiatochoMinistries.org • www.IntentionalRelationshipSolutions.org
Ten Ways To Encourage Your Leaders: Giving Them the Best Gift
By Kris Swiatocho, Director, The Singles Network Ministries
Over the years, I have had the privilege of starting and leading singles ministries in churches of every size. If there is one lesson that has remained true through every season, it is this: your leaders are your greatest resource.
Programs do not build ministry. Events do not sustain ministry. One person cannot carry a ministry for long. Healthy ministries are built by faithful leaders who love God, love people, and are willing to serve.
Our responsibility is not simply to recruit volunteers. We are called to shepherd, encourage, and equip them. As we invest in our leaders, they will invest in others.
“And the things you have heard me say...entrust to reliable people who will also be qualified to teach others.” —2 Timothy 2:2 (NIV)
Here are 10 practical ways to encourage your leaders this month:
There is no formula for how often you should offer gifts or plan special moments. The goal is not to create an expectation but to create moments of genuine encouragement. If it becomes routine, it may lose some of its impact. Instead, ask God to give you creative ideas and opportunities throughout the year to surprise your leaders with unexpected blessings.
Hebrews 6:10 reminds us that God sees and remembers the work, love, and faithful service of His people.
Imagine the impact your ministry could have if every leader felt known, appreciated, encouraged, and cared for. They would not simply serve because they were needed. They would serve knowing they were part of a ministry family that genuinely loved them.
So, begin today. Pray for each leader by name. Ask God to show you what would uniquely encourage that person. Then, at just the right moment, surprise them with a thoughtful expression of appreciation.
You may think you are giving your leaders a gift. In reality, you are strengthening the heart of your ministry—one leader at a time.
Bring Kris to your city to speak in person or by Zoom at your next event. Call 919.434.3611.
© 2026 The Singles Network Ministries
www.TheSinglesNetwork.org • www.KrisSwiatochoMinistries.org • www.IntentionalRelationshipSolutions.org
Programs do not build ministry. Events do not sustain ministry. One person cannot carry a ministry for long. Healthy ministries are built by faithful leaders who love God, love people, and are willing to serve.
Our responsibility is not simply to recruit volunteers. We are called to shepherd, encourage, and equip them. As we invest in our leaders, they will invest in others.
“And the things you have heard me say...entrust to reliable people who will also be qualified to teach others.” —2 Timothy 2:2 (NIV)
Here are 10 practical ways to encourage your leaders this month:
- 1. Pray for each leader by name. Pray for their spiritual growth, families, health, work, relationships, and ministry responsibilities. Ask God to protect them from discouragement and give them wisdom. When appropriate, tell them specifically how you are praying for them.
- 2. Check in on them personally. Do not let every conversation be about ministry. Ask how they are doing—and listen carefully to the answer. Your leaders need to know that you care about who they are, not simply what they do.
- 3. Write a personal note of appreciation. Tell them specifically how their service has affected others. Mention something you have noticed, such as their faithfulness, compassion, flexibility, or willingness to serve behind the scenes.
- 4. Learn what makes each leader feel appreciated. Every person is different. Find out their favorite restaurants, hobbies, authors, activities, or ways to relax. Personal encouragement says, “I know you. I see you. I appreciate you.”
- 5. Surprise them with a thoughtful gift. It might be a restaurant gift card, flowers, a gas card, tickets to a game or concert, or a book by their favorite Christian author. The price is not what matters. The gift says, “You matter to God, and you matter to me.”
- 6. Celebrate their victories. Recognize what God is doing through them. Celebrate successful events, spiritual growth, new ideas, and the people they are discipling. Remember to celebrate personal victories in their lives as well.
- 7. Walk with them through disappointments. Leadership can be rewarding, but it can also be exhausting. Leaders care for hurting people, solve unexpected problems, arrive early, and stay late. When they become discouraged, listen, pray, and remind them that their faithfulness matters.
- 8. Spend enjoyable time together. Meet for lunch, coffee, dinner, or even ice cream. Give your leaders opportunities to laugh, relax, and enjoy one another without always having an agenda. These moments help turn a group of volunteers into a ministry family.
- 9. Plan a special appreciation event. Once a year, host a leadership retreat, dinner, or celebration. Focus on spiritual renewal, vision, and everything God has accomplished through the team. The event does not need to be elaborate; it simply needs to remind your leaders that they are valued and never taken for granted.
- 10. Keep personal encouragement private—but accountable. Because every leader is different, individual gifts will vary. Keeping these moments personal prevents unnecessary comparisons. However, private does not mean secret. Your pastor or co-leaders should know what you are doing to maintain transparency and accountability.
There is no formula for how often you should offer gifts or plan special moments. The goal is not to create an expectation but to create moments of genuine encouragement. If it becomes routine, it may lose some of its impact. Instead, ask God to give you creative ideas and opportunities throughout the year to surprise your leaders with unexpected blessings.
Hebrews 6:10 reminds us that God sees and remembers the work, love, and faithful service of His people.
Imagine the impact your ministry could have if every leader felt known, appreciated, encouraged, and cared for. They would not simply serve because they were needed. They would serve knowing they were part of a ministry family that genuinely loved them.
So, begin today. Pray for each leader by name. Ask God to show you what would uniquely encourage that person. Then, at just the right moment, surprise them with a thoughtful expression of appreciation.
You may think you are giving your leaders a gift. In reality, you are strengthening the heart of your ministry—one leader at a time.
Bring Kris to your city to speak in person or by Zoom at your next event. Call 919.434.3611.
© 2026 The Singles Network Ministries
www.TheSinglesNetwork.org • www.KrisSwiatochoMinistries.org • www.IntentionalRelationshipSolutions.org
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