Articles: Building your Singles Ministry by Kris Swiatocho, Director

How to Start a Singles Ministry!

So God has called you to start a singles ministry? So, where do you begin? Well, your first step was this website, so congrats but where to next? 
1. Watch the free videos where Kris Swiatocho shares on how to start and grow your ministry.  
2. Download a free "How to Start Guide".
3. Order the other free guides from our store, as well as download the free tools on how to grow your singles ministry. 
4. Order the FAQ Book that has over 50 leaders and pastors answering over 100 questions on singles ministry. 
5. Once you gather some interested singles and/or potential leaders, we suggest your order our Leaders That Last 6-week course to help grow them.
6. Come to our annual singles and leaders retreat, www.LaborDaySingles.org  (leaders portion one-day prior), or bring Kris to host a leaders or singles conference/retreat in your city.
7. Start a group by starting a Bible study. Favorites are Jesus, Single Like Me (8 weeks), and/or our newest, Intentional Relationships for Singles (12 weeks); both have free intro videos and promo materials to market.
8. Bring Kris live, in person or by Zoom to your church, city or ministry. She would love to help you get started and/or grow.

I Simply Loved Singles by Kris Swiatocho

​An interview with the former single minister Barbara Christa, North Richland Hills Baptist Church, North Richland Hills, TX
A little background:
While working as a school teacher, her life was changed by God a few months after she graduated from college. She reached a point where she knew there had to be more in her life as a Christian than she had experienced. In her brokenness, mainly due to a failed romantic relationship, she cried out to the Lord for help.  At that point, she realized that He could make the decisions for her life far better than she could, and she immediately turned over that responsibility to Him.  What joy filled her life then, and it has never left. 

A few weeks later, she discovered a ministry for Single Adults, the first in Southern Baptist history, located at South Main Baptist in Houston, Texas. The class and the teacher Harold Tate would help her grow in her faith, teaching her how to understand God’s word. She began to realize just how vital the singles class was to her growth. This was when she knew she had a passion for other singles to have the same life –empowered by a living, loving Savior.

Three years later, at the age of 25, Barbara got married to David. For some, marriage would be a door out of singles ministry, but this only increased their passion for Barbara and David. Next, God would lead them to minister at another church, Richey Street Baptist in Pasadena, Texas. They were excited about the move and what God would do for singles adults. However, they found out this church wasn’t as supportive at their last. While she and David waited for God to open that door, God would use Barbara to teach children’s Bible classes, something that would help her down the road qualify her to be on the church staff.

Finally, after six years, God opened a door to start a singles ministry, mainly to those 18-30. They quickly had 35 regular attendees on Sundays and 45 in their home Bible study on Thursdays. It was an exciting time and a fulfilling experience. Before long, they even found themselves counseling singles as well on everything from relationships to work to finance.
*While they were open to anyone coming of any age, at that time, the church didn’t have many singles over the age of 30; there were few to none that were divorced or single parenting.
 
HOW DID IT GROW?
At first, they simply contacted existing singles in their church, letting them know about the new Sunday school class and home Bible study. Next, she and David went from door to door in nearby apartments and houses, inviting single adults to come.

MAKING THE NEXT STEP
The Lord would move Barbara and her husband again. This time to Fort Worth, TX. They joined North Richland Hills Baptist and once again ran into roadblocks to start a singles ministry.  However, God has His ways!  In 1975 Barbara was hired as Minister of Childhood Education and served in that capacity for eight years.  During that time, she also taught Ladies Bible Studies. Still, after all these years of being married, of serving in children and women’s ministry, her heart longed to work with Singles.  So, she resigned after eight years, and two days later, she started a singles Sunday school class as a volunteer with the approval and support of the church.

THE MINISTRY KEPT GROWING
On the first Sunday, ten people showed up.  By the end of 2 years, they were averaging over a hundred each Sunday. During the four years of teaching, 56 people were saved, 70 got married, single parents’ ministry would develop, and many would lead within the ministry and other parts of the church. By now, as they had aged up, their ministry was reaching singles from the 18-mid-fifties.

The structure of the Sunday school class also grew. They had home Bible studies, prayer groups, service projects, ministry specific to singles to help with moving, home repair, home visits, plus social events.
 
TO THE NATION
After four years, God told Barbara to resign from North Richland Hills and start speaking throughout the nation. She taught every weekend in churches and at state conferences on a variety of topics. She led retreats and trained leadership, etc.  Although it was exciting, she couldn’t help but feel she was called to work with the local church. So, she ended up back at North Richland Hills as the Minister of Childhood Education but would only accept the position if she would be allowed to teach a Singles Sunday School class for singles. She and David would eventually transition to full-time single ministers at the church.
 
TIME FOR SOME CHANGES
While she had been away traveling, the church staff had divided the Singles into separate classes, and the total number in weekly attendance had dropped to about 60.   She inherited leaders who could teach God’s work well but who did little or no ministry to their class members during the week.  The spark that had been in the old class was gone.  She had to slowly replace those teachers who were not “called” to Singles Ministry. She enlisted people not to just “teach” but to “pastor,” God gave her a great time of dedicated men and women who poured their lives into Singles.
 
CULTURE CHANGE
Single Adults as a whole had changed. Most of the singles coming were now 35 and older, single parenting, and divorced. She and David had also aged up and knew they were drawing an older demographic. Once again, it was necessary to change the structure to meet the “new” needs.  She formed classes that included Divorce Care, Single Parents, and five Bible classes.  Later she added a rotating Boundaries Class.  These are classes that continue to this day.
 
She also noticed a change in what singles were interested in personally. Overall, they seemed to be more focused on pleasure than growing their relationship with God. She witnessed the results of this seeing firsthand. Singles were coming with:
  • Failed multiple marriages
  • Parenting without ever being married.
  • A greater instability financially.  Many were ill-equipped to make a living and did not depend on the Lord to be the Lord of their lives, even those professing Christ.
  • A lack of understanding of how to build healthy relationships or marriages.
  • Mental and emotional health issues.
  •  A sense of entitlement and “poor is me, you owe me” attitude
  • Extensive immorality and “looking for love in all the wrong places.”
           
WHAT ELSE CHANGED?
Lack of leadership that was trained or healthy. Leaders need to be mentored to genuinely love, guide, and “pastor” Singles.  They need to work successfully with hurting people and understand how to set wise, compassionate boundaries.

Sunday school and small group teachers and other leaders needed to be knowledgeable as to how to teach and inspire.  They needed to become aware of how/when/where to refer their class members for help, such as Divorce Care, Celebrate Recovery, Intentional Relationships and Griefshare type ministries.

Teachers need to know the basics:  how to prepare their hearts to minister to others; how to prepare a lesson using the resources that can help them; how to share the Gospel and they should be doing this; how to pray with power and the importance of doing it daily; and how to work as a team for the building up of the Gospel within Singles Ministry and within one’s church.

One big struggle among leaders has been in the area of taking care of themselves. Ministry, because it’s made up of people, is hard. People pull you from every direction. Often leaders don’t take enough breaks, call on others to help, delegate, and/or get the training needed.

You cannot serve others as God wants when you run on “empty” spiritually, physically, or emotionally.  Leaders needed to learn to pace themselves and have “a time out” when needed, focusing on “being” who God wants before you set out to “serve.”
 
WHERE IS BARBARA TODAY?
Both Barbara and her husband, David, are still teaching Sunday school. They also work with the Good News Club for children. In addition, they are providing pre-marital counseling for couples because ministering to singles is simply something they can’t stop doing.  In total, Barbara ministered at NRHBC for 31 years. 
 
Thank you, Barbara and David, as young singles and a married couple for loving singles, fighting for us in the church, and the legacy you have left behind.

Sept 2-3rd, 2021, Flat Rock, NC

Leadership Snippit

For a long list of leadership resources by Kris  Swiatocho and other authors, click here. 

Don't Forget What You Just Learned by Kris Swiatoch0

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As soon as you leave an event/study/conference, etc., the enemy will work very hard at getting you to forget what you have learned and any decisions you have made. He will make many attempts to distract you.

John 10:10 NKJV The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

So how do we make sure we don’t forget? How do we make sure we use what God has given us?

  1. Make sure you stay connected to God.
    Don't throw away your notes or lose them. Use them for your quiet time this week. Go back through and look up each of the scriptures. Ask yourself these questions: What did God say to me this weekend/today? What is the one thing that kept coming to the surface? What is God asking me to do, to change? If I made a change, what is my next step?

  2. Stay connected to each other.
    Make a plan to check in with new and old friends. Set up a coffee or zoom/Facetime event to see how they are doing and what God is showing them.

  3. Make a plan for change/adjustment.
    Ask God and others to hold you accountable for what you want to change. Maybe you gave up a relationship or ask God for forgiveness for past sins? Maybe you got saved? Maybe you ask for help to draw closer to God. Set up a time to meet with a friend to keep these changes.

  4. What’s Next?
    What is God calling you to do next? Maybe it’s to start or join a Bible study? Attend an event? Serve? Tithe more?

  5. Celebrate God’s love and goodness to you to keep depression, self-pity, discouragement, and isolation away.
    Start a “Blessings” list in your home on a wall or in your journal. Each day add something new you are thankful for or have been blessed by.

Pray for a Mate™

Pray for a Mate
About Pray for a Mate™...In my 25 years of ministering to single adults, I have found one major thing common to 99.9% of them—the desire to be married or married again. From conferences to retreats, articles and interviews, the subject continuously comes up.

I hear questions like:
“Do you think I am meant to be married?”
“Is there such a thing as ‘the one’?”
“Why hasn’t God brought me the man/woman of my dreams?”
As with all of these questions, I can only send them to the one source who knows the answers and that is Jesus Christ. But saying this doesn’t always communicate to an action or a direction.

​Okay, so you go to the Lord but then what? Well, they would say they have gone to the Lord but what I found was they would gripe, cry and fuss at Him. Few were serious in their purpose when it came to praying. Few were serious when it came to listening and as a result, changing. 
 
THE CHURCH AND SINGLENESS
For the last two decades, I and many of my fellow ministers to singles have seen the decline of the church’s efforts to minister to single adults. While the singles population is now over 52 percent in the United States, with most being never-marrieds, churches are not making the effort to the reach us. The focus more than ever seems to be on the family. 
 
But what churches don’t understand is the family starts with two single adults. If the church would spend time reaching singles, helping them in their identity in Christ, in their personal growth and developing healthy friendships, as well as by offering Bible studies and counseling for marriage, then the greater success of our future marriages and families will be. 

We can’t keep hiding behind youth programs and a pro-family focus and hope healthy marriages will just happen. The church needs to help single adults meet each other in a healthy way, directing them toward godly friendships and teaching them the principles of courtship and marriage preparation. Otherwise, they will find other ways to find a spouse, often outside the church and, possibly, with someone who isn’t a believer.

Although not all single adults will get married, many due to their own fears and issues, I do believe in marriage and I believe God still brings people together. With that in mind, I have been praying for a solution to bring singles ministry back into the church.

Singles ministry in general takes a lot of work. You have to build a team of leaders, offer training, meet regularly, plan, pray, and do. Because of the work involved and due to so many pastors being fearful that members might “hook-up,” churches have stopped having a singles ministry.

Also, we are still seeing more women than men in church. As a result, most singles ministries are started by women. Unfortunately, groups led solely by women only grow other women. The team has to include men. Without this pairing of the sexes, your ministry will often fail. In addition, we are seeing a lot of singles ministries focused on social events rather than on teaching the Word of God.

Another problem comes when leaders who don’t find a team to share the responsibilities with gets burned out, resulting in a failed ministry.
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So, what do we do? How do we bring a singles ministry back into the church and have it be successful? And how can we do it if we are limited in finding men to help? What about resources and support? 
 
SOLUTION: Pray for a Mate™
While spending time in the United Kingdom doing ministry, I came upon a wonderful lady who shared with me something amazing. She had gone to her pastor and asked about doing a singles ministry at her church. Again, due to past experiences of what singles ministries could become, he said no. She then prayed and went back and asked if she could have a “prayer group for those who wanted to be married.” (Remember, 99.9 percent of all singles want to be married—maybe not this minute but eventually). She didn’t say anything about singles or ministry, but she did use two key words that most churches care about: marriage and prayer. They agreed and even offered her the space to meet.

She quickly gathered her team of friends—some married and some single—and they started meeting to pray, not sure what God would do. That small group turned into a larger one and before long they were meeting each month. From the start they only allowed women to come as they had enough men. They also created a structure that appealed mainly to serious prayer warriors.

The results were amazing. They saw lives changed, individuals found healing, some developed amazing friendships and others even got married. It’s now been over year and they are up to eighty men and eighty women. And it hit me—with a few slight changes, this could work in the U.S.

I realize not all singles would want to come to church to pray for a mate. Some might even get upset if this was the only activity their church offered singles. But if a church only has this, it’s still better than nothing. This program has the potential to lead to something. It’s certainly worth trying and making the investment. And the result? Healthier people who become healthier followers of Christ. 

How to get started!​​
​1. Go to our contact page  and fill out the registration form.
3. Once we receive your registration, you will be given a password to access the other pages where you will learn how Pray for a Mate™ works including the structure and the prayer themes.

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• Leaders that Last is 6 weeks, 6 topics Curriculum: 
The first 3 weeks that are inward focus towards personal development and last 3 weeks that are outward focus towards building and unifying the team.

• Leaders that Last Curriculum includes:
 A trainers guide with additional questions, icebreaker ideas, small group discussion, and weekly assignments, etc. plus participants outline.

• Leaders that Last Curriculum is a:
Microsoft word document so you can alter to fit your specific group whether young adult, single adult or single parent, divorced or widowed.

WEEKLY TOPICS:
Week 1: Who You Are in Christ
Week 2: Affirming Your Calling as a Leader
Week 3: Spiritual Warfare
Week 4: Mentoring/Finding others with a Similar Calling
Week 5: Building the Team
Week 6: Caring for the Team.

Week 1: Who Am I?
Description: Everything starts and ends with a great team but a team starts with a great leader. A great leader should know who they are in Christ first in order to lead others. This leader also should have a personal, growing relationship with Christ. This lesson will focus on your identity, your personal growth in your faith, and your walk with the Lord.
 
Week 2: Who Ya Going to Call?
Description: Learning and affirming your calling to be a leader. Most maturing Christians are serving the Lord but often in the wrong area, this lesson will help you focus on the right area God is calling you into.
 
Week 3: The Devil Made Me Do It!
Description: This lesson focuses on how to recognize the enemy’s attacks on you, your team, and your ministry, and what to do when it does happen.

Week 4: Making Copies!
Description: This lesson focuses on the importance of recognizing potential leaders by starting with those who are voluntold versus volunteers.

Week 5: There’s No “I” in Team
Description: Everything falls and rises on leadership. Without a great team that is unified in the path to reach the goals God has put in place, leadership will fail. This lesson will focus on how to build a team that builds the ministry.
 
Week 6: Are You a Care Bear?
Description: This lesson focuses on how to keep our team, our leaders, and, ultimately, our ministry going and growing.
Kris Swiatocho and the Singles Network Ministry that you operate. Our singles group at my local church is flourishing and I give much credit to you.
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Kris holds a singles retreat every September up in the mountains and I’ve attended the last 4 years. The 3rd year, Sept 2018 I came for the leadership portion of the meeting and was inspired by the teaching, many years of experience working with singles, messages shared, stories from other church leaders and resources galore at the meeting and on the website. I left that weekend fired up and it sparked me to start a singles focused bible study at our church which has been running a year now and doing great... I have so many stories I could share... many new visitors/members... connecting with singles in the church that weren’t plugged in.. networking with other Christian groups and churches... things just continue to spiral... we held a singles NYE celebration a few weeks ago. The owner of The Barn Dance (non-alcoholic club) that some of us go to often came. His club was only open on sat night BUT... he was inspired by the number we had at our dance and the amazing community... he had no idea that singles have that much of a need/want to be together. SO tonight he hosted his first Christian Singles Dance Party at The Barn Dance and it was a big hit. Planning to do a monthly dance there... opening with prayer and ending with praise songs and prayer. I can’t wait to see what God has for us in 2020. Also very excited about this years Singles Retreat! Find info on thesinglesnetwork.org and come join us Thanks Kris for all you do... for your heart for God and singles.
—Lisa Young, Lawndale Baptist Church, Greensboro, NC