Articles: Building your Singles Ministry by Kris Swiatocho, Director

God's Great Work in Reaching Singles

Q: Do you want to reach every single person you can? Then let’s talk about how to reach every “single” person.
 
Single Adults, the Untapped People Group
Nation-wide the single adult population is 54%* while in some cities it’s higher and lower in the rural areas. But this is not reflective in most of our churches. 
*https://www.barna.com/single-minded-church/

So, why aren’t our churches reflective of this 54%?
  1. Most churches are led/pastored by married adults who often focus in their similar life stage. 
  2. Most sermons are often geared towards marriage and family. 
  3. Most church events and ministry are focused towards traditional families.
  4. Most leadership opportunities are often offered to married adults over single adults. 
  5. There is a perceive lack of need; most churches do not think there are any single adults to reach out too. Or they defined singles as a certain age group that is only focused on getting married. 
  6. There is a perceive lack of available resources to learn about how to reach them.
  7. From gossip or past bad experiences, it seems to be too much work to try and reach them. 
  8. Lack of leadership development, and continued development to grow or reach them.
 
So, let’s clear up a few things:
  1. Single adults, like all adults, of all backgrounds and ages want to feel value, be included, and loved. People for the most part desire community and a place to serve, using their gifts. 
  2. You do not have to have a special program, bible studies, spend tons of money to reach singles adults at first.
  3. Most all single adults (even older ones) want to be married or re-married and this is a good thing. For those who are following the Lord, they would like to marry another Christian. If our churches do not provide a safe place for singles and single parents to come; a place where they feel valued and wanted, then singles will look for someone outside the church. 
Note: Our 2nd greatest decision we will make in life is who we will marry. Our first is salvation. 
 
Single adults do matter, and they can help grow your church in numbers, in maturity and commitment if given a chance. Here are a few ways:
  1. When you include single adults (as examples from the Bible), or remember them in your sermons, your stories, you are saying they are important. This alone will change the involvement in your church. If my pastor cares, then I must be of value. Then I must help the church grow. I must serve in some compacity. 
  2. Getting to know singles by their names including a bit about their lives will grow your church.  Married people rarely invite singles to lunch or dinner (or think about needs they might have at home.) Hosting a single adult in your home, including those with kids will communicate their value. Because single adults have a larger community than most marrieds, words will spread fast about how much you really care. Remember too, this is a great way to find protentional volunteers and leaders. Note: You might even go through your church database to update it, contact those who are single, inviting them back. The more we know about single adults who come to your church and vice versa, the great potential we have to growing the church. 
  3. Singles who have never married, or do not have children have the most flexible use of their time and money. However, they are the least reached in the church. It’s not to say they have more time, or other responsibilities, but because they do not have a spouse, they can often serve longer, help at the last minute, and lead in multiple areas of ministry. 
  4. Singles make amazing greeters. We need to have greeters that reflect not only who goes to your church but also who you want to reach. Many single adults visit your church on Sunday morning. By greeting them, having a welcome center where they fill out information, you can identify those that are single. This is a great way from the start to learn who they are, reach out and involve them.
  5. Ask singles to serve in all areas of the church, especially in areas of leadership. If your Sunday school classes or small groups need two leaders, think about two singles. Often, even when singles get married, if they are invested in serving, they will continue even after they are married. Also, by involving singles in all areas of the church, the church as a whole grows and is better connection. 
  6. Do you want more young marrieds with kids in your church? Please know that two young marrieds come from two young singles. The more we invest in reaching singles, growing them in the Lord, the healthier their marriages will be (including all-aged marriages) 
  7. Start a Bible study, small group, geared to ministering to single adults in their life stage. For example: Boundaries in Relationships, Divorce Care, Grief Share, Jesus, Single Like Me, etc. Depending on the size of your church, it can grow into a singles ministry but if not, it is still ministering to this group of people to ultimately grow them personally and the church. 
Note: Singles ministry is not the end but a gateway to reach all people for Christ.  

What can Kris Swiatocho and The Singles Network Ministries help you do?
  1. We can help you start the conversation of how to reach your singles in your church and in your community. How, as the pastor, you can start the conversation with your singles.
  2. We can help you understand who a single adult and the best way is to minister/reach them in your church. We can help you identify them so you can know the best direction to minister to them.
  3. We can help you with your first impression ministry by being a secret shopper, training greeters and ushers towards being a more welcoming and warm church (to include singles).  
  4. We can help you with your overall marketing including graphics and website to be single sensitive. 
  5. We can help you start a singles ministry; train leaders (including marrieds and singles) in a short- or long-term solution. We can also assess existing ministries, Sunday school or small group ministries to singles for problem areas or solutions for lack of growth. 

Next step?
  1. Start praying. Remember the enemy doesn’t want your church to grow. He doesn’t want you to reach this huge demographic that has the power to change the world. He doesn’t want marriage. He doesn't want people to use their gifts. He doesn’t want anyone to grow. (John 10:10)
  2. Go to www.TheSinglesNetwork.org and sign up for our free monthly Enews that has articles that include felt-need to strategies of leadership, events and resources. You can also sign up to join our facebook page, attend our leadership retreat that piggy backs our annual singles retreat held in the mountains of NC as well as our cruise. 
  3. Check out the hundreds of resources including free videos on how you can start and grow singles ministry. You can also purchase our leadership curriculum and/or one of our Bible studies for singles.  
  4. Email Kris at Kris@thesinglesnetwork.org or call her at 919.434.3611 to help you beyond the website. 

Care for the flock of God entrusted to you. Watch over it willingly, not grudgingly--not for what you will get out of it, but because you are eager to serve God. 1 Peter 5:12
 
If I want 1 year of prosperity, plant some grain.
If you want 10 years of prosperity, grow a tree.
If you want 100 years of prosperity, grow people.
 
Kris Swiatocho, the President and Director of TheSinglesNetwork.org Ministries and FromHisHands.com Ministries. Kris has served in ministry in various capacities for the last 25 years. An accomplished trainer and mentor, Kris has a heart to reach and grow leaders so they will in turn reach and grow others. She is also the author of five books including her newest, "Everyone Knows a Single Adult: The FAQs of Single Adult Ministry." 

Navigate Leaders Retreat

Each year we piggy-back our annual singles retreat over Labor Day weekend with our leaders retreat, Navigate. This year we had over 60 leaders and pastors from around the country gather to learn, connect and grow. We have table top discussions from experts on aa variety of topics such as single parent ministry, leadership development including team building, socials for singles, relationships, counseling, discipleship, para-ministry, social media strategies plus so much more. We also have testimonials by Pastor Jay George, Pastor Freddy Johnson and myself, Kris Swiatocho. We also have group projects, worship and prayer. This year's theme was EPIC: Empowered People Imitating Christ. For more info, go to www.NavigateRetreat.com or www.LaborDaySingles.org
Kris Swiatocho and the Singles Network Ministry that you operate. Our singles group at my local church is flourishing and I give much credit to you.
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Kris holds a singles retreat every September up in the mountains and I’ve attended the last 4 years. The 3rd year, Sept 2018 I came for the leadership portion of the meeting and was inspired by the teaching, many years of experience working with singles, messages shared, stories from other church leaders and resources galore at the meeting and on the website. I left that weekend fired up and it sparked me to start a singles focused bible study at our church which has been running a year now and doing great... I have so many stories I could share... many new visitors/members... connecting with singles in the church that weren’t plugged in.. networking with other Christian groups and churches... things just continue to spiral... we held a singles NYE celebration a few weeks ago. The owner of The Barn Dance (non-alcoholic club) that some of us go to often came. His club was only open on sat night BUT... he was inspired by the number we had at our dance and the amazing community... he had no idea that singles have that much of a need/want to be together. SO tonight he hosted his first Christian Singles Dance Party at The Barn Dance and it was a big hit. Planning to do a monthly dance there... opening with prayer and ending with praise songs and prayer. I can’t wait to see what God has for us in 2020. Also very excited about this years Singles Retreat! Find info on thesinglesnetwork.org and come join us Thanks Kris for all you do... for your heart for God and singles.
—Lisa Young, Lawndale Baptist Church, Greensboro, NC

Leadership Snippit

Pray for a Mate™

About Pray for a Mate™...In my 25 years of ministering to single adults, I have found one major thing common to 99.9% of them—the desire to be married or married again. From conferences to retreats, articles and interviews, the subject continuously comes up.

I hear questions like:
“Do you think I am meant to be married?”
“Is there such a thing as ‘the one’?”
“Why hasn’t God brought me the man/woman of my dreams?”
As with all of these questions, I can only send them to the one source who knows the answers and that is Jesus Christ. But saying this doesn’t always communicate to an action or a direction.

​Okay, so you go to the Lord but then what? Well, they would say they have gone to the Lord but what I found was they would gripe, cry and fuss at Him. Few were serious in their purpose when it came to praying. Few were serious when it came to listening and as a result, changing. 
 
THE CHURCH AND SINGLENESS
For the last two decades, I and many of my fellow ministers to singles have seen the decline of the church’s efforts to minister to single adults. While the singles population is now over 52 percent in the United States, with most being never-marrieds, churches are not making the effort to the reach us. The focus more than ever seems to be on the family. 
 
But what churches don’t understand is the family starts with two single adults. If the church would spend time reaching singles, helping them in their identity in Christ, in their personal growth and developing healthy friendships, as well as by offering Bible studies and counseling for marriage, then the greater success of our future marriages and families will be. 

We can’t keep hiding behind youth programs and a pro-family focus and hope healthy marriages will just happen. The church needs to help single adults meet each other in a healthy way, directing them toward godly friendships and teaching them the principles of courtship and marriage preparation. Otherwise, they will find other ways to find a spouse, often outside the church and, possibly, with someone who isn’t a believer.

Although not all single adults will get married, many due to their own fears and issues, I do believe in marriage and I believe God still brings people together. With that in mind, I have been praying for a solution to bring singles ministry back into the church.

Singles ministry in general takes a lot of work. You have to build a team of leaders, offer training, meet regularly, plan, pray, and do. Because of the work involved and due to so many pastors being fearful that members might “hook-up,” churches have stopped having a singles ministry.

Also, we are still seeing more women than men in church. As a result, most singles ministries are started by women. Unfortunately, groups led solely by women only grow other women. The team has to include men. Without this pairing of the sexes, your ministry will often fail. In addition, we are seeing a lot of singles ministries focused on social events rather than on teaching the Word of God.

Another problem comes when leaders who don’t find a team to share the responsibilities with gets burned out, resulting in a failed ministry.
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So, what do we do? How do we bring a singles ministry back into the church and have it be successful? And how can we do it if we are limited in finding men to help? What about resources and support? 
 
SOLUTION: Pray for a Mate™
While spending time in the United Kingdom doing ministry, I came upon a wonderful lady who shared with me something amazing. She had gone to her pastor and asked about doing a singles ministry at her church. Again, due to past experiences of what singles ministries could become, he said no. She then prayed and went back and asked if she could have a “prayer group for those who wanted to be married.” (Remember, 99.9 percent of all singles want to be married—maybe not this minute but eventually). She didn’t say anything about singles or ministry, but she did use two key words that most churches care about: marriage and prayer. They agreed and even offered her the space to meet.

She quickly gathered her team of friends—some married and some single—and they started meeting to pray, not sure what God would do. That small group turned into a larger one and before long they were meeting each month. From the start they only allowed women to come as they had enough men. They also created a structure that appealed mainly to serious prayer warriors.

The results were amazing. They saw lives changed, individuals found healing, some developed amazing friendships and others even got married. It’s now been over year and they are up to eighty men and eighty women. And it hit me—with a few slight changes, this could work in the U.S.

I realize not all singles would want to come to church to pray for a mate. Some might even get upset if this was the only activity their church offered singles. But if a church only has this, it’s still better than nothing. This program has the potential to lead to something. It’s certainly worth trying and making the investment. And the result? Healthier people who become healthier followers of Christ. 

How to get started!​​
​1. Go to our contact page  and fill out the registration form.
3. Once we receive your registration, you will be given a password to access the other pages where you will learn how Pray for a Mate™ works including the structure and the prayer themes.