Articles: Building your Singles Ministry by Kris Swiatocho, Director

See other tools and resources

Leadership Tips For Your Ministry by Kris Swiatocho, Director

Do you want greater success in your ministry? Check out a few tips below to help you continue seeing growth. 
 
Marketing
• Often, we forget the importance of marketing our ministry. How can people know about your ministry, small group, Sunday school class, what you are about, your target audience, events or studies you offer, resources, etc., if you do not tell them? Having just a social media page is not enough. Your page(s) requires regularly updating with current information, photos from events, plus allowing input. It also requires getting others to help get the word out through sharing social media (by computer/phone), giving out business cards and/or flyers, postcards, wearing a t-shirt, etc.
 
Zooming
• Zoom has been an answer to prayer over the past two years. It has helped us continue to minister, train, teach, communicate and encourage. While it does not replace being in person, it is still a valued resource. However, it can also be a place for some to hide, be non-committed, or be passive. Be sure to stay connected to people individually to get them back in person. Use Zoom as a tool in addition to what you are doing to keep folks connected to God and others.  
 
Social Based
• A lot of singles ministries have become more social-based. While going to dinner, hiking, attending movies is all great, it cannot replace going to church, hearing your pastor preach, going to Sunday school, or attending a small group. If your ministry is only social-based without an intention of getting people to church or in a Bible study through your social activity, it's not a ministry.

Take time to evaluate your ministry's purposes, including outlining some goals. Make a plan to work towards those goals, even if it's done by social means. For example, if you are out hiking, meeting for dinner or service project, start with prayer, be sure to invite folks to your church or study, make yourself available for questions.
 
Alcohol
• Allowing alcohol in our churches and ministries has been discussed for years, depending on denomination. While some are totally against it in any form, others have no issue with it. Here is the concern, we are seeing more and more singles groups encouraging folks to bring alcohol to the point that you do not see any difference in a worldly gathering. People are getting drunk, inappropriateness among the opposite sex, foul language, fights, and so forth. Remember, we are in this world but not of it. As leaders, you need to know what is going on behind your back. If you have an event with the church/ministry name on it, you are responsible for what happens. How would you represent Christ at an event where everyone was getting drunk? How would you be able to share your faith? How would we look different to a lost person?
 
Social Media/Movies/TV
• Please be mindful of what you are watching as what goes in often comes out by our attitude and behavior. If Jesus looked through your Prime movie account or what you are watching on your phone, would he be embarrassed? Here is the thing, others are watching you as a leader. Be the example by setting personal boundaries with your folks. Teach them about the value of accountability if they do struggle.
 
Nametags
• Often, people do not want to wear nametags for various reasons. But if you do have a singles ministry at your church, specifically as a leader, having a name tag that has the name of the ministry on it to wear during church services will help singles, guests, marrieds, etc., become more aware of your ministry. Also, in your actual Sunday school, small groups, events, etc., having everyone wear a name tag helps us be more welcoming. It helps a guest know who we are, etc. Remember, it's not about us!
 
Events
• All events planned need to go through leadership approval if you plan on using the church's name as the sponsor. Never schedule an event that would compete with an existing event for the entire ministry.
• Start and end on time and encourage others to do the same. If you are communicating, you start at 7, then start at seven or communicate it differently. The same goes with ending at a particular time. If you do not start on time, then people will get into a habit of showing up late and so forth. Respect people's time on both sides.
 
Training
• Continue to seek training in leadership as well as encouraging others. I suggest a Bible study on leadership or take your team through the "Leaders that Last" curriculum available for sale on The Singles Network Ministries website. Another idea is to do a zoom devotional on leadership each week, text scripture with a leadership note, meet to pray together as a team, etc. Remember, we want always to be discipling others.
 
Volunteers
• Never stop praying, looking, or talking to potential volunteers. Volunteers can eventually turn into leaders. There are four kinds of volunteers that lead towards outstanding leadership.


  1. Voluntold: This is someone you ask at the moment to help with something. They could be a first-time guest or regulars. The point is to see how they respond. This response could lead to them helping regularly, plus it allows you to get to know them quicker.

  2. Volunteer on Call: This volunteer is always willing to help but doesn't want to be put on a regular list with expectations to help. They prefer to ask when needed, at the last minute, or at the actual event. This could be because they are over-committed elsewhere. Often these volunteers could lead to becoming those on your list.

  3. Volunteer on your List: This is someone who has committed to serve in some particular area under a leader for a specific length of time. They may or may not be leadership material. However, starting at this level is critical to see how they work on a team, show up on time, follow through with the work, etc.

  4. Leadership: These are volunteers who God calls to serve as your leaders. They are often volunteers that have served a year on your team or have served in other areas of your church (or another ministry outside your church) that you have qualified them to lead in your ministry. Optional Core Leadership: These are usually 3-4 individuals (using Jesus' example of Peter, James, and John) who make the significant decisions of the ministry. If you have a small ministry or just starting, these leaders may be your entire ministry until you grow.
 
Gossip
• Nip gossip in the bud, starting with yourself first. Encourage anything you hear to be dwelt with between people first. Hold others accountable and remind them of what God says about gossip. Remember, everyone needs to vent but be mindful of who you are venting to and its purpose.
 
Appearance
• Be aware of what you are wearing and set an example. We would never want our brother or sister to fall.
 
Motives for coming to your ministry
• People come to church/ministry for a variety of reasons. Some come looking for a date, some for help or want money, and some to find fellowship and community. While we want our churches to be a safe place to make friends and date and marry, we want to be mindful of those who are only there to date and are not interested in building friendship, serving, finding community, etc. Encourage your leaders, your team to be aware of those with the wrong motives and how to handle them. 
 
Separated
• While we are not always aware of folks who are still married (separated), we can create some guidelines on how to handle it. Often those separated feel they are single and, as a result, want to join a singles group and/or start dating. Also, some have been divorced a short time and want to date. You have to take each personally individually, but you can post guidelines such as only those legally divorced can attend. If you are separated, you must let others know and still wear your wedding ring, etc. I would recommend you work with your DivorceCare leader for some options.
 
Dating
• Often, when folks start to date, their body language becomes more physical in person with the person they are dating. In some cases, the person (or couple) may leave the ministry. First, we want to teach modesty, appropriateness of our body language, dating 101, etc., as a part of our teaching curriculum. We also want to encourage folks to stay in the singles ministry for accountability.
 
Conflict
• It's essential that we teach folks to deal with conflict quickly by going to the person that has offended them versus talking, gossiping, or venting behind their backs. Encourage them to come to you first (or another spiritual leader) if they need your counsel. A great resource is the Intentional Relationships For Singles, where an entire chapter is devoted to this topic.
 
Church Involvement
• As a leader, stay informed of what your church is doing so you can work together. If your church is going on a missions trip, join them. If your church asks for help with the nursery, get your singles ministry to take turns. If your church needs help greeting, have a ministry representative each week to help greet, connecting single guests with your class. Remember, it's good to be around married people if you want to be married. At the same time, married people need to see what it is to be single. Singles ministry is a gateway to the whole church. The more we work together, the more we can support the work that God is trying to do through all of us. 
 
Attitude
• As the leader, you are the voice of this ministry. If you are discouraged, mad at your pastor or church leadership, gossiping or venting to the wrong person, etc., they will learn from your behavior and could cause the ministry's failure. Seek others of equal leadership or someone outside your ministry to vent to, seeking answers and solutions.

Have some ideas to share or an article to submit? Email us: swiatocho@gmail.com

Starting a Singles Ministry with Intentional Relationship for Singles Bible Study

Pictured: Trinity COG, Burlington, NC Singles Ministry
Recently two pastors wanted help in starting a singles ministry. I spent a considerable amount of time with both, going through the steps, reminding them about my free outlines (How to Start and Leadership 101), as well as a series of videos.

Both pastors returned a long sigh, realizing that to start a singles ministry takes a lot of time and patience. It requires building a team. I could tell they wanted a more straightforward way. Then both pastors asked me about our new study, Intentional Relationships for Singles. A 12-week study, designed similar to Divorce Care and Griefshare, in that it does not have to have a teacher but a facilitator. Depending on how many are in the class, you would need some small group leaders for the group discussion. But unlike those studies, we are video supported, not driven. We know that single adults want to talk. They desire to meet each other and build community.

Both pastors sighed with relief because they already offer Divorce Care and Griefshare and were familiar with what kind of facilitator and small group discussion leaders they would need.  They knew of the time it would take to start and maintain.

I would also remind them that starting Intentional Relationships is one way to start a singles ministry, grow an existing one, and increase the overall growth of the church by maturity, tithes, and service. Both Pastor's smiled, knowing this was something that could be done. It was a way, a start that could eventually be a ministry--meeting the needs of single and young adults in their church. 

So, as a result of this conversation, I decided to make some changes to my home page, giving leaders and pastors very specific steps on how to start, including using the Intentional study. 

So, if you want to start a singles ministry, restart or grow an existing one, start with Intentional Relationships for Singles, a study helping singles get healthy in all their relationships, family, friends, work, and romance, beginning with God. A study to grow your church. A study that changes lives, one single at a time.
Note: For groups starting or wanting to grow, don't forget about "Leaders That Last" Curriculum by Kris Swiatocho. A great 6-week study/training that will take your leadership from the basics of their calling into singles ministry to building the team.  Also a great additional resource is FAQ's of Singles Ministry, co-authored with Dennis Franck. Over 100 questions answered by 50 plus leaders and pastors.
About Pray for a Mate™...In my 25 years of ministering to single adults, I have found one major thing common to 99.9% of them—the desire to be married or married again. From conferences to retreats, articles and interviews, the subject continuously comes up.

I hear questions like:
“Do you think I am meant to be married?”
“Is there such a thing as ‘the one’?”
“Why hasn’t God brought me the man/woman of my dreams?”
As with all of these questions, I can only send them to the one source who knows the answers and that is Jesus Christ. But saying this doesn’t always communicate to an action or a direction.

​Okay, so you go to the Lord but then what? Well, they would say they have gone to the Lord but what I found was they would gripe, cry and fuss at Him. Few were serious in their purpose when it came to praying. Few were serious when it came to listening and as a result, changing. 
 
THE CHURCH AND SINGLENESS
For the last two decades, I and many of my fellow ministers to singles have seen the decline of the church’s efforts to minister to single adults. While the singles population is now over 52 percent in the United States, with most being never-marrieds, churches are not making the effort to the reach us. The focus more than ever seems to be on the family. 
 
But what churches don’t understand is the family starts with two single adults. If the church would spend time reaching singles, helping them in their identity in Christ, in their personal growth and developing healthy friendships, as well as by offering Bible studies and counseling for marriage, then the greater success of our future marriages and families will be. 

We can’t keep hiding behind youth programs and a pro-family focus and hope healthy marriages will just happen. The church needs to help single adults meet each other in a healthy way, directing them toward godly friendships and teaching them the principles of courtship and marriage preparation. Otherwise, they will find other ways to find a spouse, often outside the church and, possibly, with someone who isn’t a believer.

Although not all single adults will get married, many due to their own fears and issues, I do believe in marriage and I believe God still brings people together. With that in mind, I have been praying for a solution to bring singles ministry back into the church.

Singles ministry in general takes a lot of work. You have to build a team of leaders, offer training, meet regularly, plan, pray, and do. Because of the work involved and due to so many pastors being fearful that members might “hook-up,” churches have stopped having a singles ministry.

Also, we are still seeing more women than men in church. As a result, most singles ministries are started by women. Unfortunately, groups led solely by women only grow other women. The team has to include men. Without this pairing of the sexes, your ministry will often fail. In addition, we are seeing a lot of singles ministries focused on social events rather than on teaching the Word of God.

Another problem comes when leaders who don’t find a team to share the responsibilities with gets burned out, resulting in a failed ministry.
​
So, what do we do? How do we bring a singles ministry back into the church and have it be successful? And how can we do it if we are limited in finding men to help? What about resources and support? 
 
SOLUTION: Pray for a Mate™
While spending time in the United Kingdom doing ministry, I came upon a wonderful lady who shared with me something amazing. She had gone to her pastor and asked about doing a singles ministry at her church. Again, due to past experiences of what singles ministries could become, he said no. She then prayed and went back and asked if she could have a “prayer group for those who wanted to be married.” (Remember, 99.9 percent of all singles want to be married—maybe not this minute but eventually). She didn’t say anything about singles or ministry, but she did use two key words that most churches care about: marriage and prayer. They agreed and even offered her the space to meet.

She quickly gathered her team of friends—some married and some single—and they started meeting to pray, not sure what God would do. That small group turned into a larger one and before long they were meeting each month. From the start they only allowed women to come as they had enough men. They also created a structure that appealed mainly to serious prayer warriors.

The results were amazing. They saw lives changed, individuals found healing, some developed amazing friendships and others even got married. It’s now been over year and they are up to eighty men and eighty women. And it hit me—with a few slight changes, this could work in the U.S.

I realize not all singles would want to come to church to pray for a mate. Some might even get upset if this was the only activity their church offered singles. But if a church only has this, it’s still better than nothing. This program has the potential to lead to something. It’s certainly worth trying and making the investment. And the result? Healthier people who become healthier followers of Christ. 

How to get started!​​
​1. Go to our contact page  and fill out the registration form.
3. Once we receive your registration, you will be given a password to access the other pages where you will learn how Pray for a Mate™ works including the structure and the prayer themes.

Leaders That Last Curriculum

• Leaders that Last is 6 weeks, 6 topics Curriculum: 
The first 3 weeks that are inward focus towards personal development and last 3 weeks that are outward focus towards building and unifying the team.

• Leaders that Last Curriculum includes:
 A trainers guide with additional questions, icebreaker ideas, small group discussion, and weekly assignments, etc. plus participants outline.

• Leaders that Last Curriculum is a:
Microsoft word document so you can alter to fit your specific group whether young adult, single adult or single parent, divorced or widowed.

WEEKLY TOPICS:
Week 1: Who You Are in Christ
Week 2: Affirming Your Calling as a Leader
Week 3: Spiritual Warfare
Week 4: Mentoring/Finding others with a Similar Calling
Week 5: Building the Team
Week 6: Caring for the Team.

Week 1: Who Am I?
Description: Everything starts and ends with a great team but a team starts with a great leader. A great leader should know who they are in Christ first in order to lead others. This leader also should have a personal, growing relationship with Christ. This lesson will focus on your identity, your personal growth in your faith, and your walk with the Lord.
 
Week 2: Who Ya Going to Call?
Description: Learning and affirming your calling to be a leader. Most maturing Christians are serving the Lord but often in the wrong area, this lesson will help you focus on the right area God is calling you into.
 
Week 3: The Devil Made Me Do It!
Description: This lesson focuses on how to recognize the enemy’s attacks on you, your team, and your ministry, and what to do when it does happen.

Week 4: Making Copies!
Description: This lesson focuses on the importance of recognizing potential leaders by starting with those who are voluntold versus volunteers.

Week 5: There’s No “I” in Team
Description: Everything falls and rises on leadership. Without a great team that is unified in the path to reach the goals God has put in place, leadership will fail. This lesson will focus on how to build a team that builds the ministry.
 
Week 6: Are You a Care Bear?
Description: This lesson focuses on how to keep our team, our leaders, and, ultimately, our ministry going and growing.

Leadership Snippit

For a long list of leadership resources by Kris  Swiatocho and other authors, click here. 
Kris holds a singles retreat every September up in the mountains and I’ve attended the last 4 years. The 3rd year, Sept 2018 I came for the leadership portion of the meeting and was inspired by the teaching, many years of experience working with singles, messages shared, stories from other church leaders and resources galore at the meeting and on the website. I left that weekend fired up and it sparked me to start a singles focused bible study at our church which has been running a year now and doing great... I have so many stories I could share... many new visitors/members... connecting with singles in the church that weren’t plugged in.. networking with other Christian groups and churches... things just continue to spiral... we held a singles NYE celebration a few weeks ago. The owner of The Barn Dance (non-alcoholic club) that some of us go to often came. His club was only open on sat night BUT... he was inspired by the number we had at our dance and the amazing community... he had no idea that singles have that much of a need/want to be together. SO tonight he hosted his first Christian Singles Dance Party at The Barn Dance and it was a big hit. Planning to do a monthly dance there... opening with prayer and ending with praise songs and prayer. I can’t wait to see what God has for us in 2020. Also very excited about this years Singles Retreat! Find info on thesinglesnetwork.org and come join us Thanks Kris for all you do... for your heart for God and singles.
—Lisa Young, Lawndale Baptist Church, Greensboro, NC