This week God has been in my face about more time praying. Prayer is something I struggle with...not so much praying or speaking to God but with not allowing everything in the world to distract me. As a singles leader, trainer, director, and all the other things I do, I know how critical it is to have a consistent prayer life. I know the enemy doesn't want me to succeed. He will through so many of his darts at me. He will whisper lies. He will thwart my efforts.

But my victory and my strength is IN the prayer life we are all called too. So if today the enemy managed to distract you. If your morning quiet time became your time in the car driving. If your time allowing God to speak to you competed with your boss telling you what to do, then stop now, go to the bathroom, sit in your car, turn off the phone and talk to God.

It's never too late for prayer. But don't forget to listen.
Exodus 9:29
Moses replied, “When I have gone out of the city, I will spread out my hands in prayer to the LORD. The thunder will stop and there will be no more hail, so you may know that the earth is the LORD’s.

So I like being comfortable. What is so wrong with that? I love being comfortable in my big squishy chair. It fits my body perfect. My laptop sits securely to my left, while my right leg fits nicely bent in the chair. Grab a nice hot coffee and I'm set. Oh I also love my bed (which my mattress was newly donated to me). Getting all snuggly under my warm, overly soft blanket. Of course, all the while making sure the air is set at 70 degrees and a fan is running. Hmm, how about comfort in food. I love a fully satisfying steak cooked medium on a flame broiled grill. Dont' forget the bake potato and corn on the cob smothered in butter and salt. But what I really love is when everything in my singles ministry is perfect. When everyone knows what they are supposed to be doing and doing it. When everyone shows up to help. When every event runs smoothly.

STOP! When has this happened? Well, if you are like most singles ministries, there is no such thing as being comfortable. Now maybe some of us personally get too comfortable, even apathetic due to stress and frustration but not with actual singles ministry.

Singles ministry is a constantly changing vessel. As soon as one fire is put out another starts. As soon as you train and build one leader, they marry another leader and leave your ministry.

So my question is...Is our goal to get our ministries to a place of comfort? Comfort for the singles and comfort for you, their leader or pastor? While it is nice to build things to a point to where they are running more smoothly, getting too comfortable can be a false sense of security that the enemy puts in place. God has never called us to a place of comfort. He has called us to a place of ministry, reaching the lost, and growing the saved. With this is a place of a lot of discomfort.

However, with the Lord Jesus as our model, our example and our hope..all things will work out through Him. He is my ultimate and permanent comfort. The comfort of knowing who my Savior is and where I am going when I die. The comfort of knowing I am doing the work He has given me to do. The comfort of knowing He is with me while I do it.

So are you comfortable today?

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Thank you my wonderful prayer team for your consistent prayers.

Is it possible to have a singles ministry in which there are never any storms? Where everyone gets along, there is no drama, no one is sleeping with anyone else, no cohabitation, and no argueing. Where everyone is growing in their relationship with Christ. Where everyone shows up each Sunday morning. Where everyone is prepared because they have done their small group lesson. Where everyone can't wait to tell you what God has done in their life that week.

Well, it could happen but probably not on this earth. How do I know this? Well, if you have ever served in singles ministry in any way, you know its an on-going ministry to the healthy and unhealthy. To the saved and unsaved. To the high on Jesus and near suicidal. Bottom line, its a storm. And with a storm you never know where it's always coming from and where its going. You aren't sure if it will bring the cooling temperatures needed so much on a hot summer day or the disaster from a tornado. You aren't sure if its the kind of storm that will water the dry land full of crop or create a tidal wave and destroy everything in its path.

But even with knowing this, I thank God for the storms in my ministy as well as in my life.  Even though storms can sometimes bring distruction it can also brings change. And some of us need change. Change in our attitudes, change in our professions, change in our focus, and change in our obedience.

What storm do you need God to bring in your life?
Job 40:6
Then the LORD spoke to Job out of the storm:

Question: How many socials do we need to plan for singles at our church/ministry?
We often want to give all kinds of fun things for singles to do when our focus needs to be more on bible study and prayer. Doing less with more strategy is better. Doing less also helps the leaders not get burned out.
Answer: I believe all singles events/socials need to be strategic fellowships. Meaning, there is careful prayer and planning regarding the purpose of the event, the goals, etc. There needs to be intent of reaching lost singles as well as encouraging saved singles. There needs to be strategy in what you are doing. Leaders need to be used throughout to help reach the goals, connect singles and provide followup feedback.

I have found that if you plan prayer times and/or bible studies, the singles will connect to do other things. I only plan a social (strategic fellowship) once month and plus one Sunday lunch..both as a gateway to bring singles into the church. I encourage singles to plan their own events and promote within their Sunday school classes, bible studies, home groups, etc...keeping in mind if they use the name of the church they have to get prior approval of what they are doing.

I want the singles to take ownership of the "next step" regarding building relationships. I want girls to hang and shop and guys to go watch a football game at the local restaurant. I want older ladies to go on a road trips and young adults to play in the park. By singles coming up with their own stuff and inviting folks they know will come, they take ownership. Big group events aren't always better as you don't build the relationships with them.

Also, plan less stuff but make it more strategic, getting other pastors involved by serving and other leaders involved. Sell tickets or something to get folks to commit. Singles will ALWAYS wait to the last minute to see if something else comes up. Most singles are looking for a mate. If an event always has the same singles at it, they are less likely to come back. Yes, we want them to choose God and then builiding friendships but the reality is most come for the flesh at first. This is why I am big on prayer/study only with the special monthly event or occasional conference/retreat. This way, I am providing what will get singles to God...then allowing God to direct them.

Remember, we build ministry by the one-on-one relationships, by prayer and study...all the rest will just happen. At the last several singles directors jobs I have had, I have made that my focus and somehow, someway the singles find each other and hang. It has ALWAYS worked.

Note: When you are do city-wide ministry there is even a harder time connecting churches and singles. Especially when one church is the main host/location. Other churches will see it as a threat. One way to help this is to move your events to different churches (but again, you might have a denomination issue then) or non-church location. Make sure you leaders of your group reflect the various churches and age/sex u are trying to reach.

This question was recently asked of me. Below is my basic answer without having too many details.
Question: Why don't other singles ministries (churches) promote events that other churches for doing for singles.
Answer; Some churches do feel you might steal their singles and as a result do not tell their singles about other events going on in other churches.
Answer: Some churches/pastors/leaders forget to promote due to their plate/calendar being full
Answer: Some churches are not as concerned for singles being connected as others.
Solution:  You have to build a relationship with each pastor/leader from each church so there is a mutual relationship and understanding of the vision of the ministry. If you simply, have an email agreement or surface relationship, then there is no buy-in or ownership of the city-wide ministry emphasis. The more you are connected to these other pastors/leaders, the more likely the will help get the word out, as well as be apart of the event. Also, think about rotating event locations to various churches as well as having the pastors/leaders of these churches be the host. Why invent a new event vs. supporting an existing event at one church.

I was recently going through some old photo's when I came across one of me doing some comedy at Singles Source, First Assembly in Concord, NC. Singles Source as well as a few other ministries are still going strong, reaching the lost, growing the saved and equipping the leaders. But some have fallen by the wayside. Whether its because they forgot to build their leaders, build their leaders, or build their leaders. Or, forgot to pray regularly, resulting in loss of focus and direction.

Recently I was on the phone with Christian Happenings. I had put the Navigate Retreat on their calendar. Of course, within minutes they called me trying to solicit additional business including selling tickets for me.  I proceeded to tell her how singles ministry as a whole doesn't have a large enough event out there to require tickets sold by an agency. She then ask me why? Of course, I told her my 2 cent worth. I shared with her about the old days of huge conferences, magazines and resources for leadership, large retreats and concerts and how they were all pretty much gone. That yes, there are a few spots here and there bringing in numbers over a hundred. I also told her about social media, dating sites, the mega church, small groups (deleting Sunday school) and their affect on singles ministry. And of course the lost of singles pastors or the added responsibilities.

So, what is in the future for singles ministry? Well, until God tells me to stop, I am going to keep doing what he wants me to do. I am going to keep reaching the singles, growing the leaders and encouraging the pastors.  I know our country is growing every day in the singles population. Maybe some of the old ways don't work anymore. Maybe God wants us to try some new ways. Remember, its not the message that has change but the methods.

I would love to hear from you. How have your methods had to change to meet the challenges of reaching today's single.

We ought always to thank God for you, brothers and sisters, and rightly so, because your faith is growing more and more, and the love all of you have for one another is increasing.” -
2 Thessalonians 1:3

Thanks to each of you who are committed in praying for this ministry. Please know I need each of you.

Recently I spent an evening with my Sunday school class playing board games. We had a blast playing everything from Uno to Sequence to Bingo. I especially loved winning a prize at Bingo. lol. Upon first glance at my class you see mainly married folks, older than me with grown kids. You might ask why I would be in such a class? Why wouldn't I search out a class for singles or a class with at least some singles? Well, God's plan was way ahead of my plan. I joined the Open Door class due to two reasons: 1) I needed a class that met in the evening due to being in charge of greeters and having to work both worship services and 2) I was asked. God knew what I needed way before I knew what I needed. 

Upon visiting the class the first time, I was literally welcomed with an "open door" and "open arms". They didn't seem to care that I was single. If fact for a class that was made up of mostly marrieds, I was surprise just how I did fit in. As a single you know it's hard to fit into the "married world" despite the fact that we are outnumbering the marrieds. That despite all the work of educating marrieds about who singles are and that we won't rub off on you, we still feel left out. 

Well, this past Saturday I found out something that made me realize why I was fitting in so well. I found out that the majority of my class were single/divorced at some point in time in their adult lives. Several of them were single till their late 30's and 40's. So singleness to them was not a bad thing or something that had to be "fixed". They understood the challenges of being alone. They understood the positives and the negatives. They understood me.

Wow, how blessed I am that before I know things, God is ahead of me, preparing me for the future. And truly, my Sunday school class "Open Door" fits. Thank you Jesus.

1 Corinthians 2:9
 However, as it is written: “What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived” — the things God has prepared for those who love him--

Kris Swiatocho, Director
TheSinglesNetwork.org Ministries
YesMarketingandDesign.com
NavigateConference.com
FromHisHands.com
919.434.3611
2664 Timber Drive, Suite 307, Garner, NC 27529
The enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy but I have come to give life to its fullest. John 10:10