Almost two years ago my father passed away after living with Alzhiemers for 10 years. Henry was a wonderful father who taught me patience, love and responsibility...qualities I would need when leading singles. You see Henry was my step-dad. He married my mom at a time in my life when I was overly head-strong and confident. A time when I was broken. A time that I did not know the Lord. Henry, my dad somehow found a way to reach me. He peeled away the layers of my pain to reveal things in myself that I never knew were there. He would love me in a way my birth father never had. He would love my mother as I would learn of how Christ loved the church.

After my dad's death my mom started the very difficult process of packing up his things. I remember seeing her sitting on the side of the bed, looking off in the distance, trying to grasp the loss. How would she live without him. How would she go on. She knew he was now healed and with Jesus, but that comfort wasn't working. She wanted him back but of course, not in the state of pain he was in.

She went into the kitchen and got a small white trash bag and yelled to me to come and help. She went through his personal items, gathering them quickly to put in the bag as to avoid the pain. She put his Close-up toothpaste and toothbrush, his baby powder, his razor, his cologne (English Leather was all he ever wore) and finally his comb. I grabbed the comb from her hand and lifted it to my nose. "Hey mom, it smells like dad...here, smell." My mom took a whiff and smiled. As she finished putting all his toiletries and personal items in bags, she asked me to take them to my home and store for now. She knew no one would want them and she was not able to let them go just yet.

Upon taking them to my home one of the bags tore and out fell my dad's comb. I grabbed it and again took a whiff. A tear rolled down my face. It was like he was right here in my car. "Flossy (my nickname), how do you like this new car ya got here...I love it dad." "So what kind of mileage do you ya get?" "I don't really know dad." I decided not to put the comb in the bag but instead store it in my pen holder in my car. Ever so often I would grab it and take a whiff. I miss you dad. I miss you.

Last month while traveling to my younger brother's Steve's home, I took my niece and nephew to Chuck E. Cheese. I shared with them about the comb. They both wanted to smell it and said, wow, that smells like Boppa. They missed him too.

Thank you Lord for the little things in life that hold no worldly value but instead hold an eternal value. Thanks for my dad's comb, his memory and what he taught me. To love you, to allow you to love me and to share my life with others. Whether you are in singles ministry or any other kind, it all starts with His love and what His love did on the cross for you and me.

Thanks Abba and dad.

So I like being comfortable. What is so wrong with that? I love being comfortable in my big squishy chair. It fits my body perfect. My laptop sits securely to my left, while my right leg fits nicely bent in the chair. Grab a nice hot coffee and I'm set. Oh I also love my bed (which my mattress was newly donated to me). Getting all snuggly under my warm, overly soft blanket. Of course, all the while making sure the air is set at 70 degrees and a fan is running. Hmm, how about comfort in food. I love a fully satisfying steak cooked medium on a flame broiled grill. Dont' forget the bake potato and corn on the cob smothered in butter and salt. But what I really love is when everything in my singles ministry is perfect. When everyone knows what they are supposed to be doing and doing it. When everyone shows up to help. When every event runs smoothly.

STOP! When has this happened? Well, if you are like most singles ministries, there is no such thing as being comfortable. Now maybe some of us personally get too comfortable, even apathetic due to stress and frustration but not with actual singles ministry.

Singles ministry is a constantly changing vessel. As soon as one fire is put out another starts. As soon as you train and build one leader, they marry another leader and leave your ministry.

So my question is...Is our goal to get our ministries to a place of comfort? Comfort for the singles and comfort for you, their leader or pastor? While it is nice to build things to a point to where they are running more smoothly, getting too comfortable can be a false sense of security that the enemy puts in place. God has never called us to a place of comfort. He has called us to a place of ministry, reaching the lost, and growing the saved. With this is a place of a lot of discomfort.

However, with the Lord Jesus as our model, our example and our hope..all things will work out through Him. He is my ultimate and permanent comfort. The comfort of knowing who my Savior is and where I am going when I die. The comfort of knowing I am doing the work He has given me to do. The comfort of knowing He is with me while I do it.

So are you comfortable today?

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Thank you my wonderful prayer team for your consistent prayers.

Question: How many socials do we need to plan for singles at our church/ministry?
We often want to give all kinds of fun things for singles to do when our focus needs to be more on bible study and prayer. Doing less with more strategy is better. Doing less also helps the leaders not get burned out.
Answer: I believe all singles events/socials need to be strategic fellowships. Meaning, there is careful prayer and planning regarding the purpose of the event, the goals, etc. There needs to be intent of reaching lost singles as well as encouraging saved singles. There needs to be strategy in what you are doing. Leaders need to be used throughout to help reach the goals, connect singles and provide followup feedback.

I have found that if you plan prayer times and/or bible studies, the singles will connect to do other things. I only plan a social (strategic fellowship) once month and plus one Sunday lunch..both as a gateway to bring singles into the church. I encourage singles to plan their own events and promote within their Sunday school classes, bible studies, home groups, etc...keeping in mind if they use the name of the church they have to get prior approval of what they are doing.

I want the singles to take ownership of the "next step" regarding building relationships. I want girls to hang and shop and guys to go watch a football game at the local restaurant. I want older ladies to go on a road trips and young adults to play in the park. By singles coming up with their own stuff and inviting folks they know will come, they take ownership. Big group events aren't always better as you don't build the relationships with them.

Also, plan less stuff but make it more strategic, getting other pastors involved by serving and other leaders involved. Sell tickets or something to get folks to commit. Singles will ALWAYS wait to the last minute to see if something else comes up. Most singles are looking for a mate. If an event always has the same singles at it, they are less likely to come back. Yes, we want them to choose God and then builiding friendships but the reality is most come for the flesh at first. This is why I am big on prayer/study only with the special monthly event or occasional conference/retreat. This way, I am providing what will get singles to God...then allowing God to direct them.

Remember, we build ministry by the one-on-one relationships, by prayer and study...all the rest will just happen. At the last several singles directors jobs I have had, I have made that my focus and somehow, someway the singles find each other and hang. It has ALWAYS worked.

Note: When you are do city-wide ministry there is even a harder time connecting churches and singles. Especially when one church is the main host/location. Other churches will see it as a threat. One way to help this is to move your events to different churches (but again, you might have a denomination issue then) or non-church location. Make sure you leaders of your group reflect the various churches and age/sex u are trying to reach.